Can you forgive someone who’s been unfaithful?

cc licensed flickr photo shared by firemedic58

Yesterday I couldn’t stop the men that share my abode from jumping out of their skin when a loud, “You go, girl!” reverberated through the house and interrupted our oasis of silence. The reason? I had just read that Sandra Bullock has finalized her divorce from What’s-his-name.

Now normally I don’t give a rat’s ass about celebrity gossip but when a sister, famous or not, has chosen to stay true to her values, morals, and beliefs, well, that deserves a shout out.

“Sandra, good for you, girlfriend!”

Finally, someone with enough self-love, self-esteem, and self-respect to refuse to “stand by her man”. Alas, if only this was the case for all women married to, ahem, politicians or otherwise, who decide it’s okay to have a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side.

Though it’s not my place or anyone else’s to judge the women who choose to have their cheater husbands’ backs, I do have something to say on the subject of infidelity.

Merriam Webster informs us that unfaithfulness is defined as “not adhering to vows, allegiance, or duty”. My interpretation: if you’re married, dating exclusively, or in a “committed” relationship, you don’t get to screw around. No if, and, or but.

Sandra Bullock most definitely deserves to be the poster woman for kick ass female who will not tolerate being betrayed, lied to, or humiliated. And while I feel girlfriend’s pain, I have nothing but admiration for a role model like her.

Personally, I can’t even imagine giving my significant other a second chance if he were to be unfaithful. Cheaters and beaters don’t get second chances. My motto. My rule. Though I believe it should be every woman’s rule.

Think about it, ladies. Should we trust a man who’s been unfaithful? Should we give him a second chance? I say, hell no. I believe some women might be able to forgive, but the majority of us can never forget.

I could not sleep next to my man knowing he had done to another woman the same things he does to me. If he was ever late, or had to travel for business, I would wonder if he was with someone else. These doubts would promote all kinds of insecurities to surface and, uh uh, I can’t have that.

Faithfulness: respecting, cherishing, valuing, and staying true to the person you committed to. Unfaithfulness? The exact opposite of that.

I would love to hear what you have to say on the subject. So what say you? Would you stand by your man if he cheated or kick him to the curb?


6 thoughts on “Can you forgive someone who’s been unfaithful?

  1. Good for her.

    I think I would have a really difficult time forgiving. I honestly would have a LOT of hesitation taking him back, even if he swore to never do it again, and that he was really sorry and torn up over it. I’d have extreme difficulty trusting him again, like you said.

    So if he were unfaithful, I would let him go.

  2. I’d definitely kick him to the curb- did in fact in my first relationship. I never understand those who would just stay in the relationship. I’d lose all respect in a hurry for a man who obviously didn’t respect me. I could go on and on about this subject. Let’s just say my first relationship has left me with entirely too many trust issues. xx

  3. I tend to go back and forth. When it comes to a beater; forget it. Game over, I’m out. Though I’ve never cheated and never intend to, I know that I frequently look around for greener grass somewhere else. Isn’t that really the essence of cheating? Pursing someone or something else, regardless of how good you have it?

    It’s hard to condemn cheating as black or white when I believe people are all different shades of gray. That said, I can’t come up with any good reasons for a person to cause such hurtful deception. My dad cheated on my mom and caused a whole world of hurt he didn’t need to. He could have just been an adult and said, “Hey wife, I don’t love you. I love this lady and I want to be with her.” Instead he chose to lie and it ripped our family up.

    Here’s where it gets difficult for me: my dad’s not just a horrible, no good, cheating son of a bitch. He’s by (nearly) all accounts, an upstanding, moral human being who made a really, really poor choice. On the other hand, I know that some other people cheat in every relationship. Ultimately, it seems that each cheater and his/her (cause we’ve got to admit that woment cheat, too) circumstance need to be evaluated before he/she is written off or dropped.

  4. The only thing that a man can do in a relationship that we don’t need to talk about or work out together is ABUSE. Any form of abuse is unexceptionable and does mean an immediate separation.

    I do believe IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON. I’ve done it before. Also I went through a situation where my boyfriend was seeing someone other than me and I learned that what usually happens is that the other woman gives a man something he can not get from you.

    Now all the women say “I give my man EVERYTHING.” How do you know that, you are not in his head or his soul. You want to be but no person will ever know EVERY need that a person has. Even happily married men and women have things they wish their husband or wife did or did differently, whether they are willing to go out and get it elsewhere is the real issue.

    Cheating is an issue that needs to be dealt with completely. You need to find out who, what, when, where and why. If you just block it out, kick your man out and “move on” then you will never know how to make yourself better or how to prepare for another event, in the case it may arise.

    Aside from all that, I’m not going to break up my family for a fling. I’m not going to jump to conclusions or lose my mind. I am going to think it over logically and figure out if it’s worth staying or not.

    Our first instinct should not be to run away or kick our mate away. Our first instinct should be to learn. Even if we do have to separate, we need to make sure we are making the right decision, for EVERYONE, not just for our pride.

  5. I’m pretty positive that every woman says she’d kick the louse out and move on, but that is apparently harder to follow through on than people think. Sometimes, being divorced from a guy is worse than being married to him. I guess what I’m saying is you just never know. Thankfully, I have no frame of reference for this, but my heart goes out to those who do.

    Thanks for linking up!

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