Won’t you give a guy a break today?


cc licensed flickr photo shared by 3liz4

On Sunday I accompanied the Significant Other to a birthday party. One of his friends, a bachelor not by choice, was celebrating the fact that he was turning 41. After pushing past the judgemental attitude of “How lame, who celebrates birthday parties after the age of five,, I got dressed and we headed out the door.

Well, what I thought was going to be a snooze fest turned into quite an enlightening experience as the party dwindled down to a mere seven people. I sat in the middle of five eligible bachelors all who wanted to know the same thing: “What do women want?”

Needless to say, none of the answers I produced provided any of these men with any sense of comfort.

They didn’t want to hear that women can be as shallow as men and that before any spiritual, intellectual and emotional connections are made, we have to be sucked in by the eye candy.

Come on, ladies, you know it’s true.

Before we even give a man the time of day we have to be attracted to something on his person.

At times that can be his hair, his teeth, the color of his eyes, or even the way his ass fills his jeans, but we are and can be, just as shallow as our counterparts.

However, I digress.

Five sets of eyes, Significant Other’s not included, looked at me intently as they waited for an acceptable answer.

I stopped to consider what would make for an intelligent answer.

An answer that not only spoke the truth, but that would in turn give these men hope; to make them feel like some day they would find a woman who could look past their bald heads, thin frames/pot bellies, and discover the inner handsomeness that resided in each and every one of them.

One of them wanted to know, “Why do women always claim to be attracted to a man with a sense of humor when they won’t even give us the chance to show it to them? The minute I walk up to a woman and say, ‘I’m a funny guy, would you like to know me?’ I get shot down and told to get lost.”

Seriously, what could I possibly tell this dejected soul that would make him feel that somewhere there exists a noble spirit capable of giving him the opportunity to be a comedian?

And then I thought, I’ll put it out there. I’ll create awareness to the fact that perhaps many single women are alone because they’re too demanding.

Yes, we continue to throw back into the pond those we consider “frogs” without giving them the chance to show us they can be princes.

We make demands that can only be filled by non-existing gods that only live inside our heads.

We have expectations that are unrealistic, farfetched, and “non-accomplishable”.

However, I did not discuss these details. Instead, I attempted to end the conversation on a hopeful note as I explained how at times we ladies need a little nudge.

I told them that if they were rejected by one of the members of the sisterhood, they were not to turn around and walk away calmly.

Instead, they were to tap the woman on the shoulder once again and say, “Really? Just like that? I don’t even get the chance to show you I’m charming? Won’t you please allow me to demonstrate what a likeable guy I can be?”

Perhaps, just perhaps, this would pique the woman’s curiosity to the point where she would reconsider. And as a result, allow herself to actually meet a guy who can be really funny.

What say you, ladies, isn’t it time we stopped looking for perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect careers, and perfect financial incomes and started focusing on what really counts a the end of the day?

Funny may not land you a home on Wisteria Lane, but I’m confident it will keep you in “Hysteria” fits of laughter.

And so I declare today, “Give an ugly guy a break” day.

Do it cause it’s kind, do it for the clichéd reason that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but more importantly, do it because you might surprise yourself.

The guy who may not look like a model, may just be the guy you refuse to let go of.

Why? Because he makes you laugh. Because he makes you feel special. Because he’s appreciative of your beauty. Because he’s grateful and generous. Because…you know what I mean.

So go! Give that guy, the one you’ve known for some time but never considered romantically, the opportunity to prove why he’s the best man for the job!

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16 thoughts on “Won’t you give a guy a break today?

  1. Just to let you know that guys across the pond suffer the same single status for the same demanding reasons. In fact, I always crack up when watching this particular game show in the evenings because the host will inevitably ask single girls what are they looking for in a man, and the answer always goes like….”he has to be tall”…”he has to have a good career”…”he has to have blue eyes”…”he has to be funny”. Same s***. Of course this is not to say that all italian men are nice, humorous, sweet gentlemen looking for a mate. There was a colleague of my husband’s who wanted to know how to pick up an english-speaking girl with the intention of having sex with her. He must’ve seen that part in the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, where the italian guy says that’s what all american women want. Too funny!

  2. you should also tell them that women love a man who works for them! If you really like her call her, send her flowers, SHOW her how charming and wonderful you are. If you wont work for them, why would they want to be with you?? You can’t work for the woman, shows you can’t work for your kids, yourself etc…

    1. Eschelle, you are so right. I should’ve included that in my conversation with these poor, single men. However, that may have made them commit to bachelorhood instead of wanting to venture out of it! :)

  3. My my physical deal breaker is usually hair. I want a guy with good hair. After that, I just want someone who I can talk with for hours and never feel like it’s forced or uncomfortable.

    @rowena
    I’ve experienced these italian men. but i can’t complain, they were gorgeous.
    here in the USA, only ugly guys approach me.

    1. Lyddie,
      I hear you, girl! Give me a guy with a good head of hair; one I can run my fingers through! :) I had to laugh at your “Here in the USA only ugly guys approach me”!

  4. I loved reading this post, but I absolutely agree with what you said. I DO believe that you must be attracted to the person. That said, I believe that over time, when one gets to know a person and their personality, that said person can become more attractive on the outside if they are attractive on the inside. Does that make any sense? I mean, sometimes the most attractive people, once you know them, are people that becomes absolutely unattractive on the outside. We just have to give people a chance and get to know them. ♥

    1. You won’t believe this, but that’s exactly what I told the men! I said, “Sometimes, women that may not be as attractive, become more attractive as you learn to see the beauty that resides inside of them.” I was met with, “Yeah, ahuh, if you say so.” But you are so right in your observation! Thanks so much for echoing my sentiment! Or better yet, for allowing me to mimic yours! :)

  5. Well Bella, I have the opposite question… WHAT DO MEN WANT?

    I’m 32, single and also not by choice. But… I’m not quite fussed yet. I think I still have time, if not… ah well, life has been good to me. It could be a lot worse. I have a great job and awesome friends. At least I know I won’t be old, spinsterly and lonely. haha!

  6. Did you ask the guys if they approach a broad spectrum of ladies, not just ones that they find outwardly attractive? My guess is that they aren’t walking up to the lady that may be on their level physically, but rather going for someone above it.

    Men! So confused. So confusing. =)

    1. You hit the nail on the head, woman, that’s exactly what they’re NOT doing–approaching a broad spectrum of women. In true guy style, they approach only the hotties and then bitch and moan when they get kicked to the curb! A part of me thinks they deserve it!

  7. You’re really funny. My husband was not “my type,” back in the day, though he was handsome, funny, etc. he wasn’t messed up enough for (I preferred abusive boyfriends at the time, haha). Lucky for me, he was persistent! :) I admire persistence.

    1. Thanks for the compliment! A persistent man…in a world full of short attention span ones, you’d better hang on to that rare gem! :)

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