Vintage Friday

cc licensed flickr photo shared by FL4Y

Is Body Lotion a Magic Potion?

Lotions. Whoever invented them deserves a trophy, a medal, or a plaque. They also deserve to foot the bill for the therapy expenses I’ve racked up in the attempt to rid myself of this addiction.

To me, dressing without first slathering on body lotion is worse than leaving the house naked.

Twice a day, a good half hour is devoted to the application of hundreds of potions.

I have a lotion for my face, for my hands, for my tummy, for my elbows, for my knees, and for my feet. I also have creams for my eyes, my cuticles, and my neck.

Pathetic, I know. Especially since I’m probably applying the same type of cream to all these body parts and only the label on the bottle says otherwise.

Rub, rub, rub. They say the answer to avoiding wrinkles from becoming DEEP wrinkles is mosturizing and only the good Lord and my significant other know just how much mosturizing I do.

Non-scented, fruit-scented, perfume-scented, I’ve tried them all.

I’m sure I could have purchased a small island already with the money I’ve spent on lotions.

But there’s just something about smooth, nice-smelling, and well lubricated skin.

My elbows are less dark thanks to my special elbow-lightening cream. My ass is less dimpled, my neck is more taut, and my breasts are less prone to sagging.

In addition, my skin is smoother and more supple. Or so I hope.

I’m certain any day now, a Dove scout is going to spot me on the bus and sign me immediately.

I too shall be featured on billboards, magazines, and television ads. All thanks to my devotion to lotion.

Were I to do an ad for Master Card, if would go as follows: Ticket to Bali: $2, 045. Full body massage performed by good looking cabana boy: $150. Lotion being applied: priceless.

What beauty product can you NOT live without?


16 thoughts on “Vintage Friday

  1. Hi Sweetheart, how are you? I am so glad to hear that you enjoy being you, glowing skin and all :) I wish that I could see you! Do you do OOTDs etc?

    I love how funny you are, this was a great read. I think go for it, who cares if the cream doesn`t work, if it feels good then enjoy :) I like to use coffegrout as a facial scrub, cheap and effective. : ) my beauty product that I can not live without is probably mascara and lots of laughter.

    <3 Anika
    Twitter: @AnikaSweetface

    1. Anika,
      Hey! I am fashionably challenged so much as I would like to grace the pages of my blog with an OOTD, I’d afraid my outfits would only make you laugh! Coffeegrounds? Great idea! I shall try it tomorrow and let me know how it goes!

  2. Well, after I read this I immediately hunted down a bottle of skin cream and slathered it on–probably the first time in 2 weeks! (Yes my skin was flakey….ugh). My must-have beauty products? A super-lush lipstick and that precious stick of beige that camouflages my dark circles!

    1. Another fan of mascara! I have to say if I don’t have time to throw on makeup, I must at least put on some mascara. Although now that you mention the undereye concealer, that’s important too! I find myself looking more like a racoon as I age! Sigh. :)

    2. Lets just say the significant other walked in on me while I attempted to scrub the coffeegrinds into my skin and asked me if there was someone he needed to call–namely the therapist, my mother or non-practicing psychologist sister–all in that order! Men! What do they know! :)

  3. Sadly, it’s very possible to fall in love with luggage. I think my husband is sick of hearing me go on about it and I feel like I should give the Tarmac a pet name or something :)

  4. I should probably use lotions more than I do. When my hands are feeling dry and gross I look over to the array of lotions I have with disdain. I wont put it on in the morning, because I will wash my hand a million times before it every has a chance to work, and I keep it right beside my bed at night in an effort to get myself to use it, but most nights I look at it, and turn my back.

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