Significant Other: Check out the application I just downloaded.
Me: Are you downloading virus infested crap again? Have you forgotten what happened the last time you hit the “Download Now” button?
Significant Other: This one’s safe.
Me: That’s what you said about the last one and right after the download completed, Sponge Bob appeared on the screen and gave you the finger.
Significant Other: How many times must we revisit that event?
Me: As many times as you keep downloading useless crap.
Significant Other: This one isn’t useless. It’s an online “To Do” program.
Me: A to do what?
Significant Other: A sort of program that allows me to make lists of things I have to do. You know, a way to stay organized.
Me: You mean, to get organized.
Significant Other: Whatever. But listen, this little baby allows me to chart my progress, color code tasks, and even sends me little reminders that a particular chore has to be completed.
Me: Can it command you to take out the trash?
Significant Other: No, but it can remind me to remind you to buy toilet paper.
Me: You’ve only had to wipe your ass with paper towels once, so let it go already.
Significant Other: Don’t you mean notebook paper?
Me: Whatever. It got the job done at the time, didn’t it?
Significant Other: Hopefully not in the same way this little program is going to.
Me: What’s wrong with plain, old paper lists?
Significant Other: This from the woman who’s always preaching that we have to go green.
Me: This from the man who in the last eight years has managed to cross off one item from his to do list.
Significant Other: I’ll have you know that classifying my CD collection was a productive endeavor.
Me: Shame that CD’s are on their way to becoming extinct.
Significant Other: I thought you said that when the time came we were going to use them as coasters.
Me: Forget about the cd’s soon to be coasters and tell me if now your free time is going to be consumed with managing your to do list. Cause that would be counterproductive.
Significant Other: Go ahead and scoff but I think it will give me a sense of purpose.
Me: Tell that to the hundred or so coweby, long-forgotten lists lying in your desk drawer.
Significant Other: Aha, but this list won’t get “coweby.”
Me: But it will be a constant reminder that you’re not getting things done; that you can’t keep up with your list. It will make you feel guilty that you’re not accomplishing anything on your list. And it will take up time that you could spend on those silly car websites you’re so fond of. Besides, you will no longer be able to exert passive aggressiveness by not doing things you’re asked to do. Why? Because your little program’s reminders will showcase your inability to stay on task, focused, and motivated.
Significant Other: I’m deleting the program.