Not so long ago when I wrote the post of the missing glove, funny fashion blogger Una from Curvy Everyday whose blog I stalk on a regular basis, made the following comment: “I love the ‘what if the other one shows up’ I get that way about socks, I keep a box of unmatched socks because I think I’m a hopeless romantic that wants the match to show up. Only when all means of search and recover are exhausted I put the stray socks out of their misery and throw them out.” In my reply to her, I promised that the subject of single socks would be a blog post and here it is!
I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t keep some sort of basket, junk drawer, crate, box or any other container on top of or near her washer/dryer which contains dozens of single socks.
These poor, unfortunate souls have lost their mate and instead of being disposed of the minute their owner discovers their newly single status, they are made to wait.
Uncertain of their destiny, they lay in a state of limbo, not knowing when the angel of death (who makes an entrance by shapeshifting into a trashcan) will peer into their container and say, “Get in.”
My ever growing pile of single socks has taken a life of its own. To make things worse, I’m almost certain they’re planning a coup d’etat. Before that happens, I’ve given a lot of thought to what other uses they might have.
(This state of contemplation has also served to make me aware that I am desperately in need of a life, but that’s another blog post.)
So far my list of “Other Things To Turn Your Socks Into” includes:
-Sock puppets (I wonder if they can be used as a tool to “talk” the nineteen year old son into putting his clothes “in” the hamper and not “out” of it.
-Dust rags- But who am I kidding? There’s not enough socks in that basked to even clear away fifty percent of the dust mites in my humble abode.
-Lint cleaner for the dryer- This option might be feasible if my dryer actually worked.
-Bean bags- Given I don’t have children, it might be more practical to turn these into some sort of weapon I can carry in my pocket when I go out on my nightly walks with Roxie. You know, in the event we’re attacked by muggers, zombies or a larger dog with an even larger dog owner.
-Hair scuncis-Given some of the bad boys in the basked are performance Nike socks with enough elastic to double as a rubber band, this one might work if Jessica Parker hadn’t declared scuncis to be the biggest fashion faux pas since stirrup pants.
-Fingerless gloves-Too bad I live in a country where leaving the house with fingerless gloves results in actually losing your fingers.
-Quilt for Roxy- I could easily cut them up and stitch them together to make a quilt for Roxy girl. That is, if I actually knew how to sew.
Another option is hosting some sort of singles sock website and try to set them up with other lonely socks awaiting their doom.
Or I could do the humane thing like Una, and pitch them, thereby allowing them to at least die with a little dignity.
However, the foremost question in my mind is, where the hell are the lost socks going to?
Are they trapped in a hose inside the washer?
Did they parachute out of the washer when my back was turned and run away?
Did they dissolve in the soap suds?
Did they pull a “Mission Impossible” and self destruct?
Are they hiding out in some sort of sock safe house, never to be worn by any member of this household?
Did they acquire some sort of super power and turn invisible and are actually sitting on top of the washer laughing their asses off every time I crawl on all fours searching for them in every nook and cranny of the house?
Are they planning a hostile corporate takeover?
Or are they really strategizing a coup d’etat?
If anybody has any idea where these socks may have gone, I’d love to hear it.