Did you find what you were looking for?

cc licensed flickr photo shared by practicalowl

This morning, a quasi attractive man in his early forties asked me how to get to the post office. I was more than happy to oblige until midway through my explanation, I saw him reach down to scratch his crotch.

My state of mortification forced me to quickly mumble, “And then, turn right,” before hastily making my departure.

However, the outraged woman in me wanted to scream, “Excuse me. Do you mind?”

Seriously ladies, what is it with men and their obsession to grab, scratch, reach for and adjust their privates in public?

The feminist in me wonders how well received us women would be if the tables were turned.

Would men turn a blind eye to our incessant scratching or would they stare in fascination?

Personally, I’m just disgusted to have to be an eye-witness to what appears to be a body’s desperate plea for water and soap.

But back to the man grabbing his crotch.

Armed with instructions of where to mail his letter, off he went, happy as a clam, oblivious to the fact that he had totally repulsed another human being.

As I dove into the nearest establishment, I silently said a prayer for the next unsuspecting soul who was forced to witness an encore of his performance.

Which brings me to performance.

I wonder if men began to exercise their crotch grabbing ways after watching musical performances starring Michael Jackson.

I mean, if it was good enough for the King of Pop, then hell, it was good enough for the little guys taking in the show, right?

Thank you so much, Michael.

I wish you were alive so my lawyer could forward you my therapy bills.

After all, crotch-witnessing is a serious business that leaves a woman with permanent scars, both physical and emotional.

Which brings me to physical.

Do men engage in this little activity because their brain orders them to carry out this command regardless of innocent bystanders; completely disregarding children, animals, and women of all ages?

Or does it hold some sort of fascination for them to manipulate their genitals in the presence of others?

Which brings me to attraction.

In 2008, People Magazine determined that Hugh Jackman was the sexiest man alive.

Though I didn’t wholly agree, I was coming around until I saw a picture of him with his hand down his pants, on the street, as he walked with his wife and daughter.

Yes people, on the street.

For those of you brave enough to look, click on this link.

Seriously, Hugh? You are disgusting; succinctly disgusting.

When you decided it was “awesome” to make a grand entrance on the Oprah show by swinging from a zip wire, only to ram your eye into a light fixture, people were consumed with worry and concern.

I, however, wasn’t.

You and I both know you were probably scratching “down under” when all hell broke loose.

Shame on you.

Which brings me to shame.

Should we feel shame at being privy to a display of crotch scratching?

Or should we feel ashamed for the men who ignorantly believe it’s their God-given right?

I say neither. It’s time we stopped this once and for all.

It’s time we called these cavemen out on their behavior and teach them that if scratch they must, then they should do it in the privacy of their own homes.

If I can train the two villagers that live with me to scratch, grab, adjust and readjust when no one is looking, then so can the rest of you.

The next time it’s your turn to be an unsuspecting witness to such a heinous crime, call the dirty, little fiend out.

Say, “Could you dig for gold in your own time?”

I guarantee you most men will be too embarrassed to continue.

However, only attempt this one man at a time.

Remember, there’s strength in numbers and the little Neanderthals can rebel.

(Not to mention that witnessing a group of men scratching their crotches may lead to irreparable damage. You’ve been warned.)

Nevertheless, go forward my sisters and lets change the world, one man at a time!


22 thoughts on “Did you find what you were looking for?

  1. You should have reached down and scratched in sync with him. He would have felt as if he made a friend.
    No clue about that picture of Hugh Jackman. Ewwww. I need to go wash my eyes with acid now. Thanks.

  2. Haha i think men would not object to -certain- “indiscretions” performed by women. For example, adjusting of bras, bending over with short skirts although i think they will object to actions like armpit sniffing. If a woman puts her hand into her skirt, men will not object if she is playing with herself but would probably be turned off if they knew she is scratching vigorously but really, it is hard to tell since the facial expression for either activity is a pure look of ecstasy and men, wanting to believe what they want to believe would just imagine she is playing with herself in public.

    But i think maybe men feel it’s macho to hint that there is something lurking beneath the pants e.g. the scratching or adjusting of the crotch or in more extreme cases like hugh jackman’s is an affirmation that there IS something there. It is NOT empty. The Penis exists! Perhaps the lost itchy soul really wanted to attract you by drawing the attention down there but failed to notice that actions like such are not women’s idea of sexy.

  3. ROFL!!!! crotch scratchers!! we should just start screaming “that man is scratching his privates in public!!!” everytime we see a man do it. Mortify them and then maybe it will stop… at least in public lol!

  4. AAAAAUGH!! That’s so nasty. When my husband scratches himself in front of me, I ask him (after screaming in disgust, I kid you not) if he does this in public. He assures me I am the only one who has the pleasure.

  5. Ewwww.

    The boys at my school like to scratch themselves. Down there. In plain site. Obvious. It always grosses me out. They’re not little boys, some of them are 6 footeres!

  6. I won’t support what the man did but there is a possibility he did not do it intentionally. That part of the male anatomy is not designed very well – everything is hanging out and it can get into some pretty uncomfortable configurations. Sometimes it “needs a hand” to get untangled. (If you wanted to see something truly disturbing watch a guy trying to adjust without use of his hands…) So we do adjustments and other related activities several times a day. When I am at home it’s completely automatic. When I go out I make sure I’m in a private place before doing what needs to be done. I think he was distracted and did it without realizing it. On behalf of all man-kind I apologize. ;-)

  7. Bella, this totally made me laugh because it is all too familiar. I work with a bunch of men and the arranging of boy business is a time consuming affair for most of them. And I completely agree with Mike up there about them trying to adjust without hands. Too gross for words.

  8. That was so funny seeing Wolverine with his hand down his pants. Ew! But do you know that crotch grabbing/touching “tocca le palle” is a gesture of wanting a bit of luck? I’ve never seen my husband do it (too much conservative northern italian in him) but he says that it does happen!

  9. the hugh photo just makes me laugh. i almost feel bad for him, to have to be followed by photographers and have it plastered all over the internet. almost.

    ball scratching is like picking your nose – do it in private please!!

  10. Really Hugh ? Really ?? I’m appalled and sorry for him both at the same time ..
    yet I think this is one of the most important things I’ve to teach my son when I have one .. Change begins at home ;)

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