A friend called me this morning and asked me the following: Do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex?
However, both she and I knew exactly where the conversation was headed: me arguing the reasons why there isn’t a chance in hell that you can continue an amicable relationship with an old flame and her accusing me of being jaded and bitter.
Then why call and ask for an opinion in the first place?
The answer to that is simple:sometimes we want someone, anyone, to tell us what we want to hear if only to feel supported in whatever decision we’re making, crazy as it might be.
So is it possible to stay buddies with an ex?
I’m valiantly trying to stay objective when answering this question but alas, it’s hard when all the men I’ve been in relationships with in the past have turned out to be world-class jerks.
However, I’m also certain there are those who are quite content to continue in chummy relationships even though they’re no longer romantically linked.
But how in hell do they do that? That’s what I want to know.
My friend claims that her ex contacted her a week ago and requested they go to dinner.
She was surprised to hear from him considering he was the one that broke off the relationship and exited the building with the dramatic warning of “And I never want to see you again!”
Seriously ladies, what could this gentleman possibly want a year later?
While my friend continues to hang on to her rose-colored vision that he’s matured and has finally come to realized the importance of friendship, the rational side of me thinks he’s back in town and is simply trying to score a booty call.
In my humble opinion, it is not in a man’s DNA to want to call a woman just so they can exchange pleasantries and catch up on old times.
Or maybe that’s part of the plan as long as the night ends with a little somethin’ somethin’.
Personally, there hasn’t been a time when I’ve been in a room with an ex where the noble part of me wants to go over and say, “Lets let bygones be bygones.”
On the contrary, most of the time, I’ve been mentally hexing him or clinging frantically to any piece of furniture to keep myself from going at him like Attila the Hun.
(Hey, that’s what happens when you have a passionate nature!)
Nevertheless, there might just be a Mother Teresa among us who wants to cross the room, kiss her ex on both cheeks and cheerfully say, “I’m sending you a “Friend request. Please accept!”
Give me a break.
I say, when it’s over, it’s over.
Finito. Terminado. Game over.
There is no need to call, get together, Tweet, or leave comments on pictures.
And trying to turn yourself into his friend after whatever turmoil you may have survived?
While there’s no need to attack the man in public, I feel we owe it to ourselves to maintain a certain level of dignity and refuse to be sucked into any drama a “new” friendship might bring.
After all, the only time you should look back at the past is when you want to assess how far you’ve come.
And that certainly doesn’t include lugging around the baggage of an ex.