Significant Other: Are you talking to yourself again?
Me: I like to call it “Thinking out loud.”
Significant Other: Thinking out loud is going to get you committed one of these days.
Me: You’re just jealous cause you can’t hear the voices.
Significant Other: I want you to know that as a precautionary measure, I have every mental asylum within a ten-mile radius on speed dial.
Me: Go ahead and practice your frustrated stand up comedy routine, but first let me tell you that talking to yourself is a sign of genius.
Signficant Other: It’s also a surefire way to make others think you’re a freak.
Me: Like when you wax the Mustang GT and whisper to it, “Daddy’s making you all bright and shiny?”
Significant Other: No, like when you scream “Go ahead and keep the damn keys” to Dennis the poltergeist.
Me: Like I don’t hear you say “Note to self” in that robot voice when you’re in the shower.
Significant Other: Like I don’t hear you talking to the dog and asking her, “What do you think, Roxy?”
Me: You know, I think you’re right. From now on I’m going to start having these conversations with you instead of with myself, Roxy or Dennis the poltergeist.
Significant Other: Lets not be hasty here. Talking to yourself might just be a great way to process information, channel stress and reassure yourself.
Me: Methinks the speed dial needs to be reprogrammed.