What’s on the menu tonight?


cc licensed flickr photo shared by smays

As I stand in front of the open fridge, for the third time today, I wonder how many women go through the same ritual .

You know the drill–open the door, bend slightly at the waist and peer inside, hoping that at the very least, one of the vegetables will talk to you and say, “Cook me! Cook me!”

God, I hate cooking.

Or maybe I should change that to “God, I hate cooking in this kitchen.”

Gone are the days when I used to own a kitchen with counter space, a two-door refrigerator with ice maker and a double sink. Nowadays, I’m reduced to a normal-sized refrigerator, one sink and enough counter space to prop an egg.

But I digress.

The reality is that this kitchen and the contents of this refrigerator do not motivate me to cook.

Instead, I want to call Domino’s and take the guess-work out of the entire process.

But just how much pizza can a family ingest before cloning themselves into the Klumps?

We’re very close to finding out.

And so, I force myself to toil with the possibility of making a “nutritious” meal.

However, that’s hard to do when all I can think of is a genie granting me the wish of a refrigerator that not only houses perishable food items, but also programs a menu, makes a food list, and calls the grocery store to have the food delivered.

My next wish would then be that it was Javier Bardem who would whip up the meal.

Cause there’s nothing sexier than Javier Bardem a man who can cook.

Or a refrigerator who can do all the aforementioned tasks.

But is this our reality, sisters?

Absolutely not.

Instead, we’re punished with the chore of carrying out “the appraisal,” as I call it, day after day.

In all honesty, every time I do “the appraisal,” a part of me secretly hopes I will make contact with aliens.

Maybe they can carry out the meal planning.

Eggs, milk, butter, a few moldy vegetables, half a pack of bacon, a half eaten energy bar, a full bag of spinach leaves that has been here since I moved in, and half a bottle of orange juice.

I stare at the contents one more time, close my eyes, and hum in the attempt to channel Betty Crocker.

One minute, two minutes, three minutes…nada.

Okay, didn’t work.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

Tonight, China Palace will have to do the honors.

As for Javier, a picture of him taped to the fridge will have to do until the magic genie makes an appearance.

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20 thoughts on “What’s on the menu tonight?

  1. That’s exactly how I feel most days. My fridge looks packed but it’s mostly sauces, because my family has a genetic devotion to condiments. Usually I look to see what has not gone off and google those items to see if in some universe they make a recipe. Sometimes they do!

  2. Nena Please….I hate any kitchen anywhere…if it were up to me it would be tapas or take out or some fancy overpriced restaurant….I loathe anything that has to do with a stove of any kind…:0)

  3. Bella, you are right, nothing takes the fun out of cooking more than a crappy kitchen. And nothing in the fridge. And three crazed children running around underfoot. You know what? I’m gonna go drink my dinner. Now where’s that corkscrew? :)

  4. I may be the odd one out but thats one huge change I’ve gone through post marriage and even though I have my days , on most days I love ..ok like cooking plus if you’ve ever had Indian food you know the menu is nowhere limited :P
    but seriously I do enjoy it ..maybe its got to do with Hubs who loves cooking and you rightly said so …there’s nothing sexier than a man who can cook and if it was Javier Bardem I would def mind if all he did was cook .. hahahahaha ;) :D
    Also thank you for guest posting my dear .. * hugs *

    1. Thank you for having me, Priya! OMG with the endless amount of beautiful Indian food, there is no asking, “What am I cooking tonight?” And you hubby cooks? You lucky woman, you!

    1. It’s a different story when you have to cook for others, Chloe, trust me! :) Their constant demands of “When is dinner going to be ready?” are extremely irritating!

  5. I’m reading this and I want to weep for you! No counter space? No “american-size” fridge (love it when the sales clerks here call’em that). I guess the only other alternative would be to set all of your fave restaurants on speed dial. I know that I would!

  6. I like so much to read what you write, so funny!, but today I must to say I like cooking! and I like it very much!. And my kitchen is little and quite unprovided (we live in a rented apartment!) . But I have a great advantage, because my husband likes cooking (and likes cooking with me!): he appreciates the necessary work to cook a good meal!. So, I’m happy when I cook (but I’m happy too when we have some tapas in a fancy restaurant, yes!)
    besos & cooking love

    1. Señora Allnut, I am honored. You are indeed “una mujer con suerte” to have your husband working alongside of you in your cooking endeavors. Alas, I cannot claim the same fortune. I ask the significant other to boil water for tea and he asks, “In what pot?” Although, I’m starting to think that both he and the son have adopted these “We’re so dumb” tendencies as a strategy to not help in the kitchen. Give me tapas in a Spanish restaurant any day of the week and olé! ¡Besos y abrazos, amiga!

  7. haha, you’re right!, beware of their excuses, they’re pretending they’re too much slow to help in the kitchen, but I’m sure you’ve seen them working as industriously as bees!
    you always make me laugh!
    besos & tapas forever

  8. My mother hates cooking and my father does all the cooking. Not that my father loves cooking but he can cook way better than my mother. I don’t cook (ashamedly so) so I get my pick from the foodcourt of what it’s gonna be today.

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