Me: I hope you realize Valentine’s Day is only three days away.
Significant Other: Yeah, so?
Me: So I haven’t seen you working on the love letter I asked you to produce as a profession of your undying love for me.
Significant Other: If you add “In the time of cholera” to the end of your sentence, it sounds more poetic.
Me: Do not attempt to use Gabriel García Márquez to sidetrack me.
Significant Other: Did it work?
Me: Almost. Maybe you should be using him for inspiration.
Significant Other: I’ll have you know I have plenty of inspiration.
Me: Yeah, right. This year you will not get away with plagiarizing cheesy verses from Hallmark.
Significant Other: Madam, you accuse me without proof.
Me: Have you forgotten how last year the security guard at the supermarket told me that if I gave him twenty euros, he’d give me the security footage of you copying the contents of a Hallmark card on your hand ?
Significant Other: You’re making that up.
Me: So what if I am? It could very well happen. You and I both know how your scheming, little mind works.
Significant Other: Good things come to those who wait and patience is a virtue, milady.
Me: Stop using that ridiculous British accent to spew out old sayings.
Significant Other: I thought you said it was hot.
Me: “Was” as in the past tense. Now are you working on my letter or not?
Significant other: I’ll never tell…(in a singsong voice)
Me: You realize that if you don’t come up with the romantic letter of the century, you have to wear a “post-it” on your forehead all day that says, “Mr. Darcy I am not”?
Significant Other: You realize that if I produce said letter, you have to cook those feta, spinach and caramelized onion stuffed chicken breasts you’ve been promising to make for the past nine years?
Me: Bring it.
Significant Other: Start looking for a recipe, woman.