Sir, can I interest you in some Spanx?


cc licensed flickr photo shared by exfordy

Here I am again with another underpants post.

I know it’s soon after the last one, but seriously ladies, I feel it is my civic duty to create awareness to a little problem I’ve encountered as of late.

As of late?

Lets be honest; since like forever.

As you all know, I’m on the quest (aren’t we all?) to find a pair of perfect-fitting underpants.

I’m currently down to one pair that fits relatively well, but it’s being held together by a prayer.

Quite frankly, I don’t know how much fight they have left.

But I digress.

This weekend, I set out once more; determined to return home with the prize.

However, the pursuit of the perfect pair of panties has become quite challenging because everywhere I go, women are dead bent on establishing the trend to bring along their ball and chain to shop for their unmentionables.

I visited three lingerie departments, and to my dismay, every one of them had some irritating, little couple perusing underwear like they were picking out bone china.

WTF?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for dragging the man of the house to places like the supermarket, for example, so he can lug bags home on a bike, on the bus, or walk with them strapped to his back if need be.

But when the heck did men start to tag along to buy sports bras and Spanx?

Which brings me to bras.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but most of the time, I don’t bother to go into the dressing room to try on a bra.

I simply throw that bad boy on over my shirt to see if it fits or not.

Today I caught a guy staring at me over a rack of tankinis as I carried out this procedure.

In the meantime, his wife/girlfriend/sister/lover was standing just two feet away.

This makes me wonder if I should stop trying bras on in public, or if men should keep their asses at home and watch tv or whatever it is they do on the weekends.

I have never taken the Significant Other lingerie shopping.

As a matter of fact, I rarely take him shopping.

Why?

Because men are not built for it, ladies.

It’s not in their DNA; they don’t have what it takes.

So why do some of us insist on dragging them along?

And to make matters worse, foist them on other sisters who are trying to find a decent pair of underpants?

Why must we complicate our lives and the lives of other women this way?

I say keep those men at home.

If you feel that your man has to partake in the purchase of your lingerie, make it a couple activity, do it in the privacy of your home, and order it online.

Please allow the rest of us to shop for our skivvies without having to worry what the men in the “women’s” lingerie department will think when we make a bee line for the granny panties, or when we ask a sales clerk for body shaping undergarments, or garters, or a girdle, or even a pair of crotchless underpants for heaven’s sake.

Leave those men at home and allow us to find the right fitting underpants already!

I’m begging you!

Do you spot men in the lingerie department, and does it bother you as much as it bothers me?

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28 thoughts on “Sir, can I interest you in some Spanx?

  1. You didn’t mention if you do the same thing with your underpants. Try them over your jeans. Your post made me laugh out loud.
    I hate women like you. I need to go get fitted for a bra. I was in 4th grade the last time I could buy a bra that way. I’m not bitter or anything.

    When I was in 9th. grade I had to get a strapless bra for a wedding. My best friend, who was a b cup at the time, and I went to a high end clothing store. They had a fitter. Some little old lady came and wrapped her cold tape measure around me. Then the old bag said, “I think you are an E!” This was NOT said in a whisper. My friend Jenny heard me and literally fell off her chair laughing. I think she was hyperventilating. I made the old bat re-measure and low and behold I was not an E. I was scared for life.

    1. haha, Benie! No, unfortunately, even I have to draw the line somewhere and trying on underpants doesn’t make the cut! :) You know, I’m dying to get fitted for a bra! Ever since I saw the miracles bra fitters worked on an Oprah show, I thought to myself, “I think I may be wearing the wrong size bra!” Unfortunately I haven’t found a store here that does that. And I agree that experiences like the one you went through can be scarring. Somehow we never seem to get over or forget moments that embarrass us or make us feel different from everyone else. In my case it’s my wide feet. As a child I always had to get my feet fitted for “wide” shoes. How I envied the girls with narrow, slender feet who could wear the dainty, little sandals!

    2. Go to Google and put in your city and bra fitting. I bet something will come up. Trust me, its the most amazing feeling when you get the right size.

  2. I would presume that if you are trying them on over a shirt, there isn’t one on under the shirt. If not, how would you know if it really fits? I’m thinking that the thought went through Mr Stare’s mind and it was probably at least partially responsible for the stare.

    Guys in the store or just walking by, the problem would probably be the same. That said, I’m not a tag along sort of guy, I don’t think much of those that are, and I agree with your premiss.

    1. When I was the tender age of 10 my mother took me to our local department store to get fitted for my first bra. So we go in and some old lady comes and measures me and runs off to tiny bra land to get my size. She returns hands the bra to my mother and leaves. PHEW I think, at least I can try it on by myself. YES I did try it on, and then the old bag barged in the fitting room and felt me up, to make sure it was the right fit. My mother just stood there and nodded, and discussed my blooming bosom as if I wasn’t there. That scarred me for life……

    2. Oh Georgia! I agree with you, those childhood experiences, the ones that embarrass and humiliate us can be the ones that scar us for life. I think mothers of other generations didn’t think the way mothers do nowadays. To them, nothing was a big deal and if something caused us a little embarrassment, their solution was for us to “get over it.” Unfortunately, sometimes it’s easier said than done. Don’t you agree?

    3. No, sorry, this is not the case. I try them on over my shirt with my own bra underneath. This doesn’t affect the fit at all since all I’m making sure is that the back strap closes and the cup fits adequately. However, I’m grateful for the feedback and your thoughts on what might have prompted Mr. Stare’s stare. I’m much obliged. Thanks! :)

  3. Here I am grinning from ear to ear….because imagine my plight when I need to go the lingerie store which is run almost entirely by (yes hold your breath, ladies) MEN!!!! So you better know your size (and flavor!!) before you get there and mutter under your breath what you want…Since this is a public forum, I can ‘t describe the men – for details, write me!

    1. OMG, Corinne! You are a brave soul, you are! Seriously, I don’t know how you do it! Or better yet, I don’t know how THEY do it! :)

  4. Bella, this was hysterical!

    I had exactly the same “scarring” experience as Georgia did when I got my first “training bra.” My mom and the store lady howled at my plum-red face. Grrr.

    Now, about men in lingerie shops. I don’t see men in the US hanging out in women’s lingerie, but in Italy the guys are “intimately” involved. They’re even in the dressing rooms making the final decision. “Get a life!” I want to scream at them all.

    1. Thank you, Jann, for saying what I forgot to say! Get a life, indeed! Sorry, guys! I don’t have a training bra experience because instead I have what I call a “corsetillo” nightmare. That’s Spanish for corset, by the way. My nana and mother, both professional seamstresses, sewed my sisters and I “corsetillos” to bind our “protuberances and keep them from bouncing. It was form-fitting, made of blue, eye lit material and had tiny button from top to bottom. If I had it today it would totally be labeled “vintage.” :) But suffice to say I found it hard to breathe in it!

  5. I would never drag Jay to the lingerie department; I barely drag myself there. All of it is just too much like work Bella. After being pregnant for 3 out of the past 5 years, who knows what size the girls are now, let alone the booty. I am currently operating on a wing and prayer scenario myself; please don’t let the ancient waistband on my undies unravel at work. Please.

    1. OMG, Heidi, you had me laughing out loud with this comment! You have no idea how many times I’ve said your same prayer out loud! As for visiting the lingerie department, it’s almost like I’m driven to do so. I refuse to go through life adjusting underpants in public because they’ve crawled up my butt! There has to be more to life than this! Surely this can’t be as good as it gets! ARGH!!

  6. Leave them at home. I do feel embarrassed and disconcerted, especially when they sit right in front of you and you are picking out an unmentionable. But in Singapore, people don’t try the bra over the tshirt like you do, Bella. Not in shopping centres! I will do it discreetly behind a pillar maybe!

    1. haha, Dee! You discreet, delicate flower, you! I’m more of a wildflower grow anywhere child and have no qualms about trying a bra over my clothes on in public. Hey, if Madonna can do it, so can I! :)

  7. Yes! It drives me nuts when there are men there. I was at a La Senza the other day, and this is a store so CLEARLY meant for women. Everything is pink and frilly. And this girl has her boyfriend with her and he kept getting in everyone’s way and looked so lost and miserable. Not to mention feeling awkward trying to browse panties with this dude loitering around.

    1. I agree! And you know what the sad part is? That I’m sure half these men are in hell for having to be there. But then I say, stop being so whipped and tell the lady, thanks but no thanks. Buy your own panties. Right, Celynne? :)

  8. hahahaha this cracks me up, but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree. I was in GAP body the other day looking for bras and there was this dude hanging out with his 5 year old son, helping mom pick out her undies. I was not enthused.

    1. I’m telling you! I’m so glad I’m not alone in this pet peeve. Maybe we can picket in front of lingerie stores world-wide. Our signs might read, “Don’t you have somewhere else you’d rather be?” :)

  9. Loved this post and I agree. Men standing around gawking at everyone in there makes me uncomfortable. I think they go just to get a look at other women other then their significant other. That’s a man for you.

    1. You had me chuckling with your comment, Martha Ann! And how very true it might be for a lot of men! hee hee! Maybe we should start hanging around the men’s boxer section. Although what am I saying when most of these boring men just buy those unimaginative white Hanes three pack for $8.99 at Target. :)

  10. Bella, I found your blog via coffeeandacardigan.blogspot.com and am converted! I LOVE this post and agree with it most wholeheartedly. It bothers me so much that a). The lingerie section of most department stores are right out in front where men can linger and watch with or without being dragged there by their significant other. and b). that women are SO needy that they need their significant other’s opinion on what they will wear below their outfits. *MOST* males are NOT gifted to be helpful in this capacity and should not be there.

    Thank you for a well-written and humorous post! (I literally laughed out loud in my office when I read the part about you trying bras on over your shirt. SO have done that as well!)

    1. Mona, I agree with you on both points. And yes, why are most lingerie departments in “plain sight?” And why are some women so needy as to need to take along clueless sidekicks? Someone please advise! :) And I’m so glad to not be alone in my “eccentric” bra behavior!

  11. so funny to read you (as usual!!) and so terrified by your ‘corsetillo’ anecdote (I’ve never heard of something like that!!, and girdles were always worn by my old grandma!)
    And I’m sorry to tell you that lingerie shops are not a ‘free of men’ place here!. But I don’t feel specially embarrassed about it, it’s just a little bit annoying!
    besos

    1. Mrs. Allnut, my Spanish mother has corrected my inadequate choice of vocabulary and reminded me that my sisters and I did not wear “corsetillos” but instead wore a “coletillo.” Me comenta mi madre que parece mentira que se me olvide el nombre apropriado de las cosas. ¡Mil disculpas mi querida Señora Allnut! :)

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