It was a few days before I was to send Corinne the guest blog post I was writing and I requested my family provide me with some assistance. This is the dinner conversation that ensued as a result of said request.
Me: Can anyone think of another word for “happy?”
Son: Ecstatic. As in, “I’d be ecstatic if you passed the potatoes.”
Significant Other: I got nothing. Can you pass the corn?
Me: How difficult can it be for both of you to pretend, for one day, that you’re not the village idiots?
Son: Just use the online thesaurus.
Me: We’re having dinner. That’s not an option now.
Significant Other: What does a synonym for happy have to do with dinner?
Me: Nothing. Forgive me for thinking one of you was capable of eating and having neural activity at the same time.
Significant Other: (murmuring) Dopey, Doc, Grumpy…
Me: What the hell are you doing?
Son: He’s calling off the names of those midgets.
Me: Don’t you mean dwarfs?
Son; You say “potato,” I say “potato.”
Me: Are you using the names of the seven dwarfs as a reference?
Significant Other: It’s more than either of you are doing.
Me: Unbelievable. One college student and one white collar professional and neither can come up with a different word for happy.
Significant Other: How ’bout gay?
Son: I think that word has a different connotation since you last used it sixty years ago.
Me: (singing) I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay.
Significant Other: Pass the fish please.
Son: Mom, stop already.
Me: You’re just jealous cause you’re never going to be a contestant on “American Idol.”
Son: By the sound of it, neither are you.
Significant Other: Can you pass the potatoes, please?
Me: I still don’t have a synonym for happy.
Son: How about psyched?
Significant Other: As in psychic or psychiatric, as in the help you both need?
Son: Sorry. Forgot the vast age difference. Lets just go with gay.
Me: I know! Joyful.
Significant Other: If you have the answer, why do you ask for help?
Son: Great. You win. We lose. Pass the corn.
Me: I keep hoping that someday one of you will have a clue.
Significant Other: We have that board game.
Son: I think she’s referring to our intelligence level but good one.
Me: Don’t you mean lack of?