Ladies, when was the last time you gave yourself the day off?
And I don’t mean taking a break between chores to grab a cup of coffee or sitting down for a few minutes while you’re on the phone.
I mean, literally decided you weren’t going to do anything. Not a thing.
The crowd is silent.
I was talking about this with my sister today and surprisingly, she acknowledged that she couldn’t remember the last time she allowed herself to “just be.”
I think it’s wrong and yet, sexist as this sounds, I think this attitude is so typically female.
If we were men, we’d feel entitled to not do squat on our day off.
We’d break out the “brewskys”, grab the remote, and plunk our behinds on the recliner.
Yet females don’t seem to have the same sense of entitlement.
Even worse, some of us don’t know how not to do a damn thing.
I feel this belief stems from the notion that women, like worker bees, don’t deserve a break unless it’s a pee break.
We believe we have to be “on call” 24/7 and any attempt to nap is a seen as a sign of laziness.
I can’t but wonder how many of us have decided to break this rule and sneak a small “I’m resting my eyes” break, which if interrupted by a ringing doorbell, throws us in panic mode and prompts us to quasi remove the top layer of our skin’s epidermis as we rub off bed sheet creases.
How many of us have repeatedly cleared our throats and rehearsed the “I was not taking a nap” voice before answering the phone?
My God, women, when did it come to this and why have we allowed it?
After working all day and perhaps all night, don’t we deserve to catch a few zzz’s?
Without having to ask our husbands, boyfriends, and other live in family members for permission?
Without having to set the alarm clock to wake us in EXACTLY 20 minutes?
Without having to call friends and extended family members to tell them that “No, nothing is wrong. I’m not picking up cause I’m taking a freakin’ cat nap.”
Sadly, I speak from experience.
The last time I took a nap, I had to do the following first:
1) Inform the Son that unless someone was bleeding, dying or both, I was not to be disturbed.
2) Take Roxy out for a walk to prevent accidents.
3) Call the Significant Other to say, “Honey, don’t call me in the next 20 minutes. I’m exercising.”
4) Call friends and family and tell them the same thing.
5) Prepare snacks for the Son in case he gets hungry and can’t find food items that are smack in his face when he opens the fridge.
6) Change my underwear in case I suffer some sort of medical emergency during the 20 minute nap and paramedics have to cut the clothes off my body before starting life saving procedures.
7) Set two timers, an alarm clock and the cell phone alarm function as backup.
8) Set up a “wake up” station consisting of eye drops, mouthwash, and an ice pack.
Needless to say, at this point, I’ve generally lost the desire to nap.
It’s just too much work.
I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of having to justify getting a little shut-eye whenever the spirit moves me.
And so, ladies, methinks it’s time we rebel.
It’s time we turn off the ringer, toss the timers, refuse to incur in snack preparation, and make a run for our beds.
It’s time to be sloths; to do nothing at all.
It’s time to plop on the recliner and listen to the sound of our breathing, playlists from our Ipod, or Antonio Banderas’s voice saying, “Lets play.”
It’s time to stop apologizing, making excuses, or feeling guilt for taking a well deserved break.
It’s time to “go to the mattresses already!”
So today I urge you to beat your chests and holler, “We are women, hear us snore!”