Why won’t you watch Fast Five?

Vin Diesel

Significant Other: Give me one good reason you won’t even consider watching “Fast Five” with me.

Me: I’ll give you five: 1) It has no plot 2) I can’t stand hearing you say “sweet ride” 3) I have no interest in cars, car chases or car thieves 4) It stars Vin Diesel who looks like Humpty Dumpty on steroids and 5) It stars Vin Diesel.

Significant Other: I could’ve given you ten reasons for not watching “Eat, Pray, Sleep” and I still watched it.

Me: Don’t you mean “Eat, Pray, Love?”

Significant Other: I wouldn’t know. I fell asleep after “Eat.”

Me: Good one, but I’m still not going.

Significant Other: Come on! It’ll be fun. Imagine…the cars, the action, the explosions! Did I mention the cars?

Me: I don’t know. I tuned out after “It’ll be fun.”

Significant Other: I don’t know why I bother. This isn’t a chick flick. It’s a man’s film; filled with testosterone, excitement. It really gets your blood going.

Me: Maybe you should pitch that to pharmaceutical companies endorsing erectile dysfunction medication.

Significant Other: Maybe you should do some stand up comedy.

Me: Now there’s a plan. I can joke about how you squealed with delight when you found out Arnold is leaving politics and relaunching his movie career at the age of 70.

Significant Other: Hey, he’s the ultimate terminator.

Me: I’m the ultimate terminator and I’m terminating this conversation.

Significant Other: Fine. I’ll invite you to the movies again when they make a sequel to the English Patient.

Me: Why, so you can ask me “When is this thing over?” a million times again?

Significant Other: No, so I can repay three hours of sleep debt.

Me: Too bad you don’t have the finesse to appreciate a good film.

Significant Other: Too bad you were the only person awake in the theater.

Me: Whatever. Methinks you shouldn’t waste time watching films of cars you’re never going to own.

Significant Other: Methinks you should stop watching cooking shows of food you’re never going to cook.

Me: You’re this close to having frozen pizza for dinner.

Significant Other: You’re this close to not getting a shoulder rub.

Significant Other: Are you going to watch “Fast Five” with me?

Me: Do you want to watch “Fast five ways to cook your own dinner?”

Significant Other: Let’s call this one a draw.

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36 thoughts on “Why won’t you watch Fast Five?

  1. whahahha, you know how to write a good dialogue, and make me laugh!
    I’ve watched some action films on dvd at home, with hubbie, and we laugh so loudly with our own sarcastic comments!! . But I recognize I like some ‘chick flick’ (and also do my hubbie!), but I felt asleep with The English Patient, argh!
    besos & contrast

    1. Mrs. Allnut, I fell asleep with the English Patient as well. Shh…don’t tell the Significant Other! :) I do enjoy action films but I refuse to see one more sequel to the hideously boring Fast and the Furious. The first one was bad enough! And Vin Diesel…OMG! The man can’t act his way out of a paper bag!I’m smiling from ear to ear that your hubbie likes chick flicks! :) Besos!

  2. I have no desire to watch “Fast Five,” Bella. (And thank God no one’s asking/arguing.) But, I have nothing against Vin Diesel. :) If your significant other really can’t go alone or with one of his guy friends, you might be able to get him to watch “Bridesmaids” as a tradeoff. Happy “drawing!” ;)

    1. Kenya, like I was mentioning to Mrs. Allnut, the first part was already bad, imagine four more! And they say they’re making a new one! How can that be?? Who’s watching this? I will suggest “Bridesmaid” and see what reaction I get! :)

  3. Heee! I have to give SO points for “Methinks you should stop watching cooking shows of food you’re never going to cook.”

    You get the rest of the points, so it’s only fair. :)

  4. Love this entertaining dialogue. You should market this Bella. Do screenwriting. You could capitalize on these conversations :)
    My hubby and I don’t see eye to eye either on movies either. In fact, I can’t remember when we last saw one together. He’s all action and I’m all drama.
    And never the twain shall meet.

    1. “He’s all action and I’m all drama.” I love it, Debra! I think that applies to us too! You think these silly conversations have any merit in Hollywood? The idealist in me wants to believe it and thinks you’re special for saying so! :)

  5. Very entertaining. Maybe you and Significant Other can make your own series – something we’ll all want to watch! I have similar (though not nearly as funny) conversations with my husband when he want me to watch sci-fi with him. I can’t get past the fact that they speak English on every planet in the universe.

    1. Carol, thank you! I’m glad to know someone would be watching! :) And Carol, there is no way I’d watch Sci-Fi either! :)

  6. Hello Bella –

    Ohhhh I was itchin’ for your comeback after hubby said Arnold is the ultimate terminator and you gave it to me in the next line. Love it! You’re tough ;).

    Obviously there is strong love between you 2 or someone would have punted 1/3 in to the movie debacle. I also considered offering up a suggestion for spending your draw time together; dinner and dancing. I wonder though.

    him – “I’ll pay.”
    her – “Noooo I will pay!”
    Dancing….
    him – “I want to boogie.”
    her – (sighs) “No, I want to slow dance.”
    him – (deep breath) “I want to cut it baby!”
    her – (sigh & the look; soft, firm but Ninja-like voice tone) “I said, I want to SLOWwwww Dance,,,NOW!!!”
    (hears her sigh, knows that eye, afraid now…” (big smile) “Yes Bella…luv ya babe!” KISSES hahaha.

    Happy Weekend to you. :)

    1. Brynne, I don’t think I’m a good enough writer to write a novel, but I’m so flattered you think so! :) Hypothetically, if I were to consider it someday, I would fill it with banter! I think it would make it all that more lively, don’t you think? :)

    2. Bella, yes you are a good enough writer. You may have some similar going on as I do when it comes to writing a novel. My biggest issue is that intense long-term focus to do it. My mind races way ahead of the pack and my writing tangents off into many directions after 4-5000 words. Focus! I believe that’s what writing a book is all about. You have the talent. I love all your prose…artful. Don’t ever think you can’t because you can. :)

      https://charlienitric.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/online-sex-and-being-the-man/

  7. I don’t blame you. A movie about cars? I’ll never get that. Glad it ended in a draw and not in a drag race of your own. I think significant other is right about Eat Pray Love, too. I heard it was a sleeper of sorts.

    1. Monica, thank you for validating me! :) And yes, Eat Pray Love got a little boring toward the end. We just wanted it to be over! It was too drawn out. :(

    1. haha, Kelly! I think our conversations at times are more entertaining as well! Too bad the Significant Other doesn’t agree! :)

  8. Oh my God, Bella, you need to get this published! It’s brialliant and so damned funny. I can’t even list the lines I especially love because there are too many. Keep writing–and laughing–girl!

  9. Hhhhhaaa!!!! I feel your pain. And Fast Five is our next movie out… sigh. It was part of the deal. He sat through The King’s Speech, which I reveled in. And then I explained all the Shakespeare references on the way home. I expect he’ll be killing me with “sweet rides” of his own for the next week.

    I’ll let you know if Vin Diesel actually Expresses Emotion.

    1. Lori, the “sweet rides” makes me nauseous! Really it does! Why do guys talk like that? Argh! Do let me know if Vin shows any remote sign of emotion, fleeting as it might be! :)

  10. I grew up under the Hollywood sign, and was watching movies before I learned to read. I love going to the movies, and yes, here it comes another confession, I love a good action flick. Fast.. delivered as promised. You are right, plot…hmm, dialogue, grunting… Still, the special effects were excellent so my hats were off to all those Visual Effects artists that worked to make it seem real. Bella, don’t think badly of me. Aside from this, when I have dinner with my good friend, Rob, we always take a few minutes and recite the lines from Tombstone, a great western. I still love pink and fluff, and rarely watch television, and I am the only one I know that has never watched a reality tv show, but heaven help me, I will watch a Bond movie in a heart beat. Finally, so there are no more secrets. I am a closet ABBA fan. It’s bad, I know… forgive me. ( and you use of dialogue, as noted above, is good. many writers suffer painfully, like slit their wrists sort of thing, because they cannot write dialogue ).

    1. Brenda, I’m honored with your wonderful critique! And you can only get better in my eyes, never worse! :) I love action films too, but Vin Diesel really can’t act his way out of a paper bag. As far as I’m concerned, he’s in the ranks with Sly Stallone and Arnold Sharwhatever. OMG. Now James Bond films are priceless. Those I’ll watch in a heartbeat, no matter how fantastical! :)

  11. Great post! I love Vin Diesel, I don’t know why…How a about a nice Chick flick (I love Chick Flicks). I like The Rebound.
    Keep blogging!

  12. Very funny, Bella. Yes, I’d like to see you do stand-up. But hey, the English Patient was one of my faves! I even like the book.Have never seen Vin Diesel, and never hope to.

  13. Ah, between my husband and 2 teenage boys, my daughter and I tend to get overlooked when choosing movies for Groovy Movie Night – and when we DO get to choose, we’re pretty lonely :(
    Very funny piece… I soooo agree with you …

    1. Lady, you are going to have to be assertive and put in your movie request! It’s not fair that the men in your home have a movie “monopoly!” :) So go forward and make yourself heard!

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