How many more years will I have to look at this?

For the past nine years, with the exception of the rare times I’ve gone on vacation, this is what I’ve had to look at every time I exit and enter my front door.

It matters not the time of year, the season, the month, or the day, the snowman with a broom for a body is here to stay.

The first year, I thought it endearing that my neighbors wanted to promote Christmas 365 days of the year.

After the second year, I wondered if there was anyone living in the house, since we never heard any noise coming from their place.

When the third year came around, I began to think my neighbors were freaks who didn’t have the slightest clue that snowmen were normally used as Christmas decorations.

During the fourth year, I held a candle under the damn thing to see if it would melt. It did not, but the broom almost caught on fire.

The fifth year had me believing my neighbors were actually dead and their rotting corpses lay somewhere in their home.

The sixth year clued me in on the possibility that the snowman was a talisman which allowed the mummified bodies of my now deceased neighbors, from stinking up the building.

After the seventh year, I was convinced my neighbors were time travelers and that the snowman was the portal they used to go back in time.

The eighth year brought the acceptance that the snowman didn’t have any magical powers and that my neighbors were sloths who were too lazy to take down eight year old Christmas decorations.

The ninth year brought with it the conspiracy theory that the jolly guy is really a sophisticated spy cam; activated by a motion detector.

And two days ago, when I nearly broke my neck as I walked out of my home, a new theory came to life.

Perhaps this was my neighbors’ way of taking revenge for the unsightly view of our front door.

It matters not that the they’re carefully arranged, or that they’re not obstructing their front door.

Maybe my neighbors think our ratty shoes are as ugly as their spiderwebbed Frosty and the snowman is a nonverbal way of manifesting their disgust.

Well, two can play the game and this morning, without giving it another thought, I crossed my threshold and did this:

I may have to look at the ugly thing for another nine years, but his owners will be staring at his ass the next time they open their front door.

What ugly decorations do your neighbors make you look at?


47 thoughts on “How many more years will I have to look at this?

  1. Bwahahaha! This really made me laugh! I have a semi-invisible, old neighbor lady who plants artificial flowers in her garden. Right before winter, she relocates them into decorative pots that never seem to gather snow, no matter how much falls. I have some theories about that!

    1. Glad to provide you with a giggle! :) OMG, there’s one of those in the block next to our home! I don’t know if this one also puts them in decorative pots, but I know the artificial flowers are stuck in her garden! I so have to take a picture! :)

  2. HAHAHAH! Oh my gosh! I can’t wait to see what unfolds! There are many things that bother me about my neighbors’ choice of “decor,” but I can’t say anything because my back and front yard are overgrown with weeds. One day, I caught one of my neighbors picking some vines that have crept onto her side of the fence and toss them on our side, all the while sneering at my weedy garden!

  3. Oh Bella, I love this post! Couldn’t melt the damn thing; the broom almost caught fire. I laugh to think of you trying to explain yourself to the fire department. And your neighbors’ (possible) nonverbal way of communicating their disgust? The wording of that tickled me pink.
    I once lived in a second floor apartment in an old Italian woman’s house. She kept one of those ceramic, dome-shaped ornamental pieces enclosing a praying Jesus in the middle on the front lawn. In the winter, she wrapped it tightly in heavy plastic. When giving directions to friends, I’d say, “Look for the house with the mummified Jesus in front. When you see it, you’ll know you’re in the right place.”
    Thanks for a great post!

    1. June, I’m familiar with those! It seems everywhere near my mother’s home you can spot a garden that has one. However, I’ve never seen one wrapped in plastic! I’m tickled pink you enjoyed the post! :)

  4. OMG, I’m dying laughing. Bella, this is pure genius. Can we vote on our favorite year? Because I’m crazy about years 4, 5, 6 and 7. You are TOO, TOO funny. If you do decide to use it to start a bon fire, let me know and I’ll bring the marshmallows.

    1. Monica, given you’re the queen of funny, I’m honored to read your comments! Seriously, we have to make smores when I set this thing ablaze! hee hee! :)

    1. Carol, we’re like ships that cross in the night. These people pretty much keep to themselves and that’s fine by me. Now if they’d only take this thing down! :)

  5. You are too funny Bella! Christmas lights still up in June tend to get people down, as do worn out, tired, plastic decorations from the Dollar Store in apartment building’s year after year, covered in dust and screaming to be put in the garbage by everyone but the owners. Old rusted out swing sets are another eyesore.

    1. Thank you, Elizabeth! I agree. All of those things would get me down, if only because I can feel their owner’s apathy. And rusted swing sets are just a health hazard!

  6. You actually went and did that?? You’re a brave woman, Ms Bella…and I want to hear part two of the story! I must say that’s one sturdy snowman….nine years and counting (now backwards!!)

    1. Corinne, the Significant Other says that as a result to my actions, the neighbors are going to ring our doorbell to complain. I said, “Good. Then we’ll finally know if they’re alive or not!” Mr. Frosty stays in mint condition, asides from the dust and cowwebs, because he’s not exposed to the elements. Lucky guy! :)

  7. LOL. Neighbors playing dirty. I have an elderly neighbor on one side of me and he gives my 4-yr-old things to put out in front of our house. Ugly things. Two dog statues and a fake plant. Of course my daughter insists they be outside our front door! Ugh! At least your neighbors keep their ugly stuff to their own door.

    1. Oh Kelly, you have it bad! Your poor, unsuspecting daughter bringing home the neighbor’s cast-offs! hee hee! I had to smile at the thought of two dog statues and a fake plant in front of your door! :)

  8. I am not guilty of leaving decorations up, but…….. big, deep breath, here goes, ………….. I plant silk flowers in the post around the front door. “Like how I said ‘plant’, instead of shove the wire rods into the soil?” That is my idea of having ever blooming flowers in the front of house. The problem is, I am not always prompt in changing the colors for the new season. For instance, sometimes the fall foliage lingers into December, and the red poinsettias hang around into January. Still, the instant garden does add curb appeal. That is for Snee (above). I am curious to see this story unfold. Do you neighbors know about your Blog? You might need to hire Arnie? I hear he is looking for work these days. You make me smile, Bella, if not laugh aloud and spit my coffee across my keyboard.

    1. Tsk, tsk, Brenda, silk flowers around the front door…the jury’s still out! hee hee! My neighbors are oblivious to everything except for their cat, whom I swear I’ve never seen and only heard. I see them maybe once a month, if at all. Maybe I should write down the link to my blog and shove it under their door. What do you think? :) By the way, today I peeked and the snowman is still showing his ass! And Ms. Brenda, you make me laugh too!

  9. My neighbors? Let me think… Garbage bags for half a day before they take their garbage out. Pieces of furniture because they keep re-decorating their apartments for, well, forever (sometimes it’s next to impossible to use the stairs, and I prefer using them instead of the elevator, as a way of exercise). Old newspapers they intend to throw out someday. Dog urine covered with newspapers because they didn’t take their dogs out in time, and then they don’t seem to have the time to clean up the mess. It’s not like that when it comes to every apartment, but when it comes to “decorations”, that’s pretty much it.

    The snowman doesn’t seem that bad.

    Oh, and if you left your shoes outside of your home where I live, the next time you open your door you wouldn’t find them.

    1. No shoes? Oh no! As for your neighbors “decorations,” oh my goodness! I think you’re right. Suddenly, the snowman doesn’t seem that bad! :)

  10. Lol! My neighbours are reasonably well behaved, apart from the fact that one day his girlfriend threw him away at 5 am in his pants and he knocked at our door. Funny.

  11. whhhahahah, you make laugh again and again!!
    Your neighbors seem to be of the invisible kind, and this is one of the better ones I’ve had!. The ugly decoration settled for years is quite disturbing, but I think I could manage it better than noises or dirtiness!!
    But I agree with you: to see that crappy snowman for years would make me think about setting fire to it!!

    1. You see, Mrs. Allnut, we’re two peas in a pod, you and I! And you’re right, noise and dirtiness are both deal breakers and I’m glad I don’t have to put up with that! Besos!

  12. Too bad that snowman couldn’t just fly right over here and knock on my door. I’ve been looking for a suitable scarecrow for the garden that will stand out from the rest.

  13. Book…book…book…they’re all chanting!!! Humor like yours is too sweet to keep to yourself! A blog is good but the world…the world needs you, Bella! I cant get enough of your sparkling-giggle-perspectives! Truly. Love you!

    1. Brynne, you are good for my ego, my self esteem and above all, my soul. Thank you, sister! Your kind, encouraging words have lit up my day! I am truly grateful for that! :) And I love you back! :)

  14. HA! Sweet revenge! I once turned all the figurines in a friend’s curio cabinet so that they were sulking in the corners of their cubbies… just to see how long it would take for her to notice and correct them. Weeks later they still looked like they were in “time out”. I’m a closet anarchist.

  15. Hysterical! Gave me my laugh for the day. If we lived closer to one another, I’d come over and tell you, “Okay! Okay! I promise I’ll take it down! Alright, already!” tee heee!

    1. The snowman is insulted that you missed his post! And for the record, the snowman is still turned on his belly! I don’t think they’ve even noticed! :)

    1. Oh no! That’s okay, though. I think we all have a sucky yard at one point or another. I live in a walk up, so for now, I’m not in any danger! :)

    2. This is ironic since I’d gladly trade you the walk up for the house with the messy yard! I’d love for Roxy to be able to run outside! :)

    1. Kelly, would you believe I exited the house the next day and it was turned right again? The owner must have turned the ugly thing back on its face! Argh! :)

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