Will there be coffee at the end of this journey?

The Son is a big fan of visualization.

He swears to the effectiveness of this technique in helping him achieve whatever his heart desires.

He has visualized touch downs, losing weight, and straight A’s.

That’s why it came as no surprise when he suggested I make use of it this morning.

“Mom, the guys and I stopped at the new supermarket to get energy drinks after our run yesterday. You know, the one you said you wanted to go to.”
“And how is it?”
“What do you mean, how is it? It’s a supermarket. But it does have something you’re going to love.”
“Javier Bardem handing out flyers of the weekly specials?”
“No! Free coffee.”
“What do you mean, free coffee?”
“Free coffee, as in there’s a coffee pot in the middle of the supermarket, grab-a cup-while-you-shop, free coffee.”

Visions of coffee beans danced in my head as I visualized myself drinking cup after cup whilst leisurely perusing the aisles.

“But, isn’t that supermarket three miles away?”
“Yep. But if you visualize the coffee pot at the end of your walk, the distance will seem shorter. Besides, aren’t you always saying you need to burn calories?”

He did have a point. I was always saying that.

So late this morning, I set out on the three-mile walk that would lead me to the coffee bearing supermarket.

There was pep in my step, a gleam in my eyes, and joy in my heart as I visualized the coffee pot at the end of my journey.

As I left the house, I smiled at the shining sun and thought, “It’s good to be alive.”

As I walked, elderly citizens passed me on their bikes and waved good morning.
I happily waved back.

However, a mile into my journey, I became aware that my underwear was starting to bunch up.

The realization that I was wearing my “stay in the house, do like a sloth” underpants, did not upset me in the least.

I simply tugged at them discretely and carried on.

It was then I noticed the tree-lined path.

I was taken with it on sight, and quickly dismissed the initial shock of how it seemed to go for miles.

I remembered the Son’s advice of “Just follow the path, Mom, but stay to the right cause the bikers use the middle path.”

Fortunately, I remembered this just in time to avoid getting hit by a man on a speed cycle who fiercely yelled, “Get off the bike path, you dimwit!”

I quickly thought, “Well, someone hasn’t had their morning coffee!” and continued on my walk.

A mile into my journey, I became aware of just how heavy my tote bag was.

Had it really been necessary to bring my camera, my wallet, keys, germ cleaner, a water bottle, my passport, lip gloss, a pocket mirror, and Roxy’s poop bags?

Not wanting to dwell on this further, I walked on.

A half mile later, I again felt my underwear wedged firmly in my butt.

Irritated, I pulled them out, cursing lingerie stores the world over for their inability to birth the perfect pair of underpants.

An elderly lady rung her bike bell and I quickly dismissed her with a curt wave as I turned my attention to the path in front of me.

A few steps further, I stopped to ask out loud to no one in particular, “My goodness, am I only halfway through my journey?”

Onward I pushed, much like a leprechaun who envisions a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Two and a half miles later, I stopped once again to tug at my underwear.

Gone was the discrete, gentle tug and in its place was the “grab the leg band and yank hard enough to rip the suckers.”

The sun was scorching hot, gnats were making their way up my nose, and my neck itched.

More irritated than ever, I wanted to pull down my pants, peel off the offending underpants, and continue my journey “commando.”

At the three-mile mark, I was ready to jump in front of a car and end my misery.

The supermarket was no where in sight and the coffee visions had seized to exist a half mile back.

I cursed the Son and his visualization nonsense under my breath.

I stopped to ask a stranger for directions, unfazed by his look of fear as he hurriedly pointed me in the right direction.

It was then I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the shop windows.

My “up do” was no more.

In its place was a halo of frizzy flyaways.
Sweat glistened on my forehead and upper lip.
My lip gloss had migrated down to my chin, and I had perspiration marks under my arms.

As for my underwear, they had taken up permanent residence in my ass.

I looked like an escaped mental patient who’d been off her meds for weeks.

Nevertheless, onward I walked, and that’s when I saw it.
The supermarket sign, beckoning me to cross the finish line.

I ran a hand over my disheveled hair, wiped my sweaty face on the back of my sleeve, and stopped dead in my tracks.

What if after all this trouble, there was an “Out of Order” sign on the coffee pot?
What if there was no gold at the end of this rainbow?

I sought solace in my favorite saying, “It’s not the destination that counts, it’s the journey.”

And then I thought, screw the journey. There’d better be coffee in that pot!

And there was.

Oblivious to the fact that I looked like a homeless person chugging on a fresh cup of coffee, I contentedly sipped the “flavor of the week.”

As I inhaled the coffee’s aroma, something told me I’d be back next week.

When was the last time you went on a three-mile walk for coffee?


72 thoughts on “Will there be coffee at the end of this journey?

  1. Ooh Bella, I was seriously holding my breath during this hoping and praying that you would get your coffee. Whew. And yeah, I would have totally taken the bus back too!

    1. haha, Heidi! Can you imagine if I had arrived and there was a “kapot” sign on that coffee machine? I think I would have cried! :)

  2. I love to walk, but I think it would take at least an ice cream cone at the end to make me venture three miles into the unknown, especially in the midst of a wardrobe malfunction.

    Your photos are fabulous, as always!

  3. I found you through the Lady Blogger Social Tea Party and I love this story! I would walk three miles for free coffee. And the underwear thing? GAH!

    But I have a quick question: If you purchased groceries after sipping your coffee, how did you get them home? Because I don’t think I could have walked another three miles with bags in my hands…

    1. Elise, I had to take a bus home. You’re right, there’s no way I was going to walk back home with grocery bags! I’m glad you liked the post! :)

  4. “As for my underwear, they had taken up permanent residence in my ass.”
    You are hilarious!
    I also wanted to thank you for reading my posts, Bella. You are the type of reader who makes me want to work harder at my writing. Thanks for all your support!

  5. Kelly jogs every day? It’s too much pressure to have such perfect blog friends. As for sloth undershorts, hhhaha!!!! Hilarious. And yes, I HAVE walked 3.5 miles for coffee. Seattle has a wonderful thing called “Greenlake.” It’s 3.5 miles around, with a bike/walk path around it. When I walk this, it magically ends at Starbucks Each and Every Time. It’s magic!

    1. Parker, I felt even worse when I read Kelly jogs 40 minutes a day! hee hee! Argh! The pressure of such perfect blog friends indeed! Kelly, we love you! haha! Lori, I would so join you on that three and a half mile walk given it would be easier in the presence of good company and witty conversation!

  6. Hysterical! I had just finished a glass of wine, much needed after an insane day. A perfect ending to my day. I do hate that when I wear the wrong undies. I hit the gym in the morning before I apply the face and become instantly beautiful, the sweet nectar of the bean is long after the morning ritual… I so love coming by your site, no matter how my day was, good, bad, or totally insane, YOUR WORDS always make me glad I powered up. As always, your dialogue is a favorite of mine… (Oh, I walk to the gym on the weekends – does that count?) Thanks for the smile, Girl friend…

    1. Aw Brenda, it’s great to read that I’m part of your winding down period and that you like visiting! Yes, walking to the gym does count as long as there’s coffee at the end of your journey! Just kidding! Of course it counts, girl! :)

  7. Dear Bella, your posts are always so refreshing and funny! You must check out Tobin at ‘Left to Write.’ He is a kindred spirit and often makes me laugh also. I have walked many miles for a fresh cup of coffee, which is why I invested in a Keurig coffee maker recently. If I really wanted to be honest though I could tell you about the crazy things I have done for a guy. There’s a post in there somewhere, starting off with doing dog training in the rain dressed up to the nines because I liked the dog trainor! I purchased a rottweiller dog from him that was wild and had to be separated from the other animals. At the end of the night he said to me: “Did you enjoy yourself?” The really crazy thing was I came back for more!

    1. Elizabeth, thank you for your kind words. I want you to know that you are not alone as far as crazy things done for men goes. I’m right there with you! You have no idea! :) I will indeed check out “Left to Write!” I remember reading about your Keurig coffee maker in your blog! I’ve never heard of it but will have to do some research on that as well! I’m currently using an Italian mocha pot at home and the coffee taste is amazing!

  8. Have you ever tried “visualizing” the perfect panty? I know you’ve tried to physically find them, but what if you channel the perfect-fitting panty every time you start the day. Kinda like your daily yoga/tantra thingy each morning? I would not walk 3 miles for coffee. I would jump on a bike to get it though.

    1. Rowena, you know, I haven’t tried that yet! Maybe I’ll try it this weekend! If by any chance I’m able to conjure the damn thing, I’ll let you know! :) When I saw all those elderly people riding past me on bikes, I thought, now why can’t I have a bike? It makes sense since it would have cut the walking time by half!

    1. Georgia, I know that with the right incentive I could convince you to walk those three miles with me! What do you think? :)

  9. NEVER! hahaha. I don’t even like the thought of walking the half mile to the gym. Gah, there is something wrong with me! I make this huge excuse that I HAVE to drive my husband to work, then conveniently have to work out. And, since I’m already in the car, I might as well drive to the gym. problem solved. laziness, not so much.

    1. Laura, in Europe walking is seen as a means of transportation and not exercise. Even though people use their vehicles here a lot, bikes, trams, and buses take a lot of people where they have to go. Come move down here and we’ll have you walking in no time! :)

    2. I’ve been dreaming of living in Europe all my life. Now if I can only convince my husband! :) I can definitely imagine myself being a “walker” in the beautiful, narrow streets :) Also, to respond to your last comment, I’ve contemplated getting a WP blog, but find that the layout is just not as easy to tinker around with as blogger… maybe i’m just getting too stubborn with my ways, but if blogger keeps on acting up, then i may as well relent!

    3. Go, Laura, go! Join us on the other side, love! hee hee! You would have so much fun in Europe and imagine the gorgeous OOTD posts! Not that your actual ones aren’t gorgeous, but I mean, with different backdrops! Come on over, girlfriend!

  10. Bells, where do I begin!! I’m laughing so hard, I have tears rolling down my face. OMG, the underwear, going commando, the old lady (I’m surprised you didn’t push her off her bike and comandeer it yourself!). And Javier Bardem, too boot? He’s a hottie and visualizing him in the grocery store handing out fliers is a hoot. But he’d have to fallen on hard times to reach that point. I’m making all my co-workers read your blog today and they’re in stitches, too. You are perfection in humor, my friend.

    1. Monica, thank you! Your words bring joy to my heart! Now that you mention pushing the old lady off the bike, the thought never crossed my mind…maybe it should have! hee hee! Thanks for bringing in your coworkers to the giggle party! The more, the merrier! :)

  11. What would happen if you took more than one cup? Would the security guards tackle you? Would the empty pot trigger a pressure plate which releases a giant boulder?

    If you gave me a choice between walking three miles and a painful death, I’d have to think about it.

    1. Drake, not only did I drink two cups of coffee, I also stopped to take a photo of the coffee machine! A woman looked at me like I had lost my mind. Thankfully, security wasn’t alerted and I was able to do my grocery shopping in spite of my disheveled state! A painful death over walking three miles? Can you be any more of a sloth? Come on, and here I thought you were known for your athletic prowess! I’m so disappointed!

  12. Great pictures, great story. Is that really the old lady the bicycle you saw on your walk? This would make a great short story. It has great characters (you, your son, the rude guy on the bike), humor, adventure, and suspense (I was dying to know whether you finally got that coffee!).

    1. Carol, thank you! That is one of the elderly ladies I saw, yes. Isn’t she groovy? :) I’m tickled pink you think this would make a good short story! Aw, thanks, Carol!

  13. Bella, I think I’ll steal that first photo, the tree-lined path.

    And I love your son already – love his imagination, his power of persuasion. “You’re always saying you need to burn calories.” My daughter deliberately parks the car further than necessary to accomplish this purpose (for me). I say, “Hey, what’re you doing? There’s a parking space right up there, almost by the door. Then I hear that same mantra.

    “The realization that I was wearing my “stay in the house, do like a sloth” underpants, did not upset me in the least.” Classic line!
    And the next one is…“Well, someone hasn’t had their morning coffee!”

    While reading this, I hear my daughter from the next room saying, “What is so funny?” Because I’m in hear laughing my arse off.

    No, Bella, I’d never walk three miles for a cup of coffee unless… unless I’d already had my cup and a half of that ‘magic potion’ that gets me stirring every morning. Then I might.
    A most charming, delightful and hilarious post!

    Will you be my FB friend? Here’s my link.

    1. Debra, help yourself! I’m honored! I think you would indeed love my son. He’s fantastic, although I am a bit biased! :) Aren’t kids the same, in every country, every language, anywhere? It’s both frustrating and delightful! I’m filled with glee I’ve made you laugh! I would be honored to be your FB friend if I had FB, which I don’t, and don’t plan to have. Please don’t hate me. I just dislike that social network intensely! The crowd boos. I do have Twitter, which I haven’t used in ages but I’m thinking of dusting off and putting it to good use–namely updating my posts. What do you think? Is it worth it?

  14. Bella, I am sorry about the gnats and lipgloss and bothersome underwear that you endured. :) But like you I’d do just about anything for a good cup of coffee. (I hope what you got in those little paper cups was Illy Caffe or something truly delicious.)
    PS Love the pink path!!

  15. What a great post! And I just love that photo of the path. It’s a great illustration of your point. And oh, I’d walk three miles for coffee. Heck, I’d walk a few steps for coffee.

  16. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! (I do not intend to make fun of your misery – I just find your writing and the way you tell us about your journey hilarious!). I’m stopping by from the LBS, by the way, and I think I would do pretty much everything for a good cup of coffee!

    1. Sabrina, welcome, and by all means have a laugh at my expense, I insist! :) Your name has been inscribed in the list of women who will do anything for coffee! Thanks for your comment! :)

  17. You have a way of telling a story. That was fun! And I felt like I was on the journey to the pot o coffee with you. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting! I will definitely be coming back here. Loved this post!

  18. You must love coffee. I would like to get into visualization and meditation. I think they could be useful with weightloss and stress management.

    I hope you drank enough coffe for the walk home. How was that???

    1. The walk back never happened! Instead, I took the bus. There was no way I was going to walk back with grocery bags! Let me know if you decide to take up visualization. The Son swears to its effectiveness.

  19. Bella, I’m so glad I haven’t had the nightmare of a coffee walk that you did – although, there was a time back in college that involved crossing Route One outside of Boston on foot during a snowstorm . . . .

    You absolutely made me laugh, and grateful for the grinder, esp machine and endless beans taking up my kitchen counter space!

  20. Jayca, if I had an espresso machine and endless coffee beans, I wouldn’t have to trek three miles for a free cup of joe! Aren’t you the lucky one! :) And don’t get me started on all the crazy things I did for coffee back in college! hee hee!

  21. laughed my ass off on this one!

    one thing i hate more than nearly everything else is to be in line at the supermarket, sweating like it’s nobody’s business. so embarrassing!

    1. Jennifer, imagine when I walked into the supermarket, sweating like a piggy and looking quite the deranged lunatic! hee hee! I’m glad I could provide a laugh! :)

  22. I’d do many things for a cup of coffee at certain times, many of which I’ll refrain from detailing. You are too funny, Bella. You’ve had me chuckling all morning.

  23. I loved this post. The things we would do for a free coffee…I love coffee. I couldn’t help wondering: how did you get back? Did you walk?

    1. Muriel, so happy you liked the post! Actually, I did not. I’m feisty, but not that feisty! I ended up taking the bus back–me and my two bags of groceries! :)

  24. Great post! I’ve been on walks before when the weather turns and I realize that I must get home through the rain/hail/whatever. Times like those I curse the fact that I tend to walk cashless or in areas without a handy bus stop.

    But for coffee… I’ve lost count of the times I’ve circled Greenlake with Girl Parker. With another friend the path tends to lead to a taco bar with divine margaritas. That’s the way a jog is suppoed to end, right?

    1. Eden, indeed, that is how a jog is supposed to end! Hey, a little incentive goes a long way, wouldn’t you say? :) And why is it that the weather decides to turn when we don’t have the means to get home any other way other than the one we took in the first place?

  25. I would call this a classic Bella post .. and you bet I’ve walked to get my cuppa coffee – I need my morning fix ..
    Infact last year end when we were in Chicago for a week , even though it was snowing I would brave it and armed with an umbrella , scarf , muffler , hat , gloves and a dozen clothes I would go get a cup for me and hubby both while he would snuggle …

    1. Priya, I too would walk in snow, hail, rain, cold, heat, humidity, and through a swarm of mosquitoes if coffee was the end result! Sometimes though, I just wish the distance were shorter! hee hee!

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s