Won’t you please look my way?

This is Emilio, our neighbor.

I wish I could say he’s Roxy’s friend, but unfortunately, he doesn’t want anything to do with her.

He barks loudly, and even growls, when she tries to engage him with a friendly woof.

Poor Roxy.

Every morning she saunters out to the balcony, trying to catch a glimpse of Emilio.

If he’s there, she wags her tail energetically and her ears perk up.

And if he’s not there, she spends most of her morning in a slump, attempting to chase away her sadness sunbathing.

I’m miffed at Emilio’s unfriendly attitude.

I’ve counseled Roxy on the importance of maintaining a positive attitude even when Emilio snubs her.

Life is too short to dwell on dogs that don’t value you, or give you the importance you deserve, I tell her.

Nevertheless, Roxy’s intent on not listening.

Relentlessly, she sits on the balcony, standing watch until Emilio comes out.

Most days, he treats her with indifference and doesn’t acknowledge she’s there.

Other times, he snarls and turns his head away.

Roxy, undaunted by his apathy, looks his way wistfully, hoping he’ll acknowledge she’s alive.

This morning, while I sat on the balcony drinking my coffee and admiring the ocean view, I witnessed another episode of the Roxy-Emilio saga.

I couldn’t help but liken Roxy’s situation to that of the many women who are hell-bent on gaining the attention of a man who’s not interested.

As Roxy sat by the table, waiting for Emilio to look her way, I thought how it resembled women who sit by the phone, waiting for a phone call that never comes.

I wanted to feel compassion for Roxy’s plight, but instead I felt frustration.
And confusion.

I can’t but wonder what drives her to sit in the same spot, day after day, waiting, hoping, that Emilio will give her the time of day.

On the other hand, Emilio, the little cretin, struts around his balcony like a peacock spreading his tail.

The little runt. Who does he think he is?

I look at Roxy and say, “Go inside. Go.”

Then, like a crazy woman, I turn to Emilio and whisper, “Who do you think you are, you little Terrier with a Napoleon complex? Roxy’s to good for you. You hear me? Just you wait. What goes around, comes around. Go inside!”

Emilio reacts by dismissing me with a swish of his tail.

But it doesn’t matter.

I’ve said my piece.

As I enter the apartment, I find Roxy sitting under the dining room table, looking quite depressed.

She reminds me of women I’ve known; women who’ve reacted in the same way when a man hasn’t shown them attention.

She reminds me of a dear friend who went on a hunger strike when the guy she slept with on a first date never called.

She reminds me of a neighbor who cried her eyes out and refused to leave her room because an ex-boyfriend didn’t want to get back together.

Yet that’s what some sisters do.

They refuse to move on, even when the men they’re interested in couldn’t give a rat’s ass about them.

They go on stake outs, follow the man’s every move, and risk being charged with stalking or harassment.

Why aren’t we able to accept a man’s not interested?
Why can’t we embrace, that sometimes, it’s not meant to be?
Why do we torture ourselves, embarrass ourselves, and make ourselves vulnerable to hurt and pain?

Like Roxy, we venture out, hoping and wishing the object of our affection will look our way.

And like Roxy, when met with defeat, we curl up in a ball and bask in our depression.

Which leads me to ask, “Is a man worth all this anguish?”

Are we incapable of realizing that it it doesn’t take a man to be happy?

That we have the power to make ourselves happy?
That we’re hurt only because we allow it?
That in the process of watching a closed door, we don’t see an open window?

I pick Roxy up, pat her head, and say, “There are more dogs in the beach. Forget about Emilio and remember you’re Roxy Lee.”

She stares at me intently and nudges her leash with her snout.

I take this as a sign that she’s ready to put herself out there again.

And I couldn’t be more proud.

Ladies, at what point should we move on?

71 thoughts on “Won’t you please look my way?

  1. I love this post!

    I’m not sure why we do this. I don’t know if it’s innate or social conditioning. One of my daughters is still crushing on some little 11 yr old rat’s ass (sorry!) even after he called her a name that rhymes with witch. When I declared I was going to talk to his mother, all I got was tears and a fit that belonged more on a Jerry Springer show than in my house. *sigh*

    1. Jennifer, been there. You have no idea how many times I’ve witnessed this with my own family members. It’s incredible! I’m so glad you liked the post! And thanks for the giggle with the “little 11 year old rat’s ass!” :)

  2. By all means a woman just had to stop clinging and just move on, but by any chance if the man in question was Javier Bardem….would the point of this post be rendered null and void?

  3. Bella,
    Beautiful post
    i feel for all women and I feel for Roxy
    She looks so cute laying down at the balcony and inside.
    Phototechnical advise, if i may say… the 2 last pics should be taken the other way around so that the light reaches her face, You could use the flash to fill in.
    This since her face is a bit too dark compared to her body. Maybe it s me..

    im looking forward to your next one….

    1. Salsapete, thank you for your technical advice. The truth is I’m still learning and prefer natural light whenever possible, even if the subject is caressed by shadows. I’m glad you liked the post! I’m looking forward to more return and additional tips! :)

    1. Come on, Rowena, give yourself a break. Monday’s the day for typos! We’re transitioning from a fun-filled weekend! :)

    1. Bwahahaha! OMG, Monica, you’ve made me giggle, and Roxy too! I love Henry! He’d make a fine son in law! I will pass along your message to Roxy! hee hee! :)

    1. bwhahaha! Oh my goodness, Jann, you and the rest of the ladies are phenomenal! I love you all! Thank you for your encouraging words. I’m tickled pink you enjoyed the post! Grazie, grazie! :)

  4. I remember my Roxy days. The days I couldn’t bear to go to certain places for fear of seeing my ex and his blushing bride. Now-a-days, he a fat guy hoping for anyone’s attention, and I’m channeling my inner Emilio. Lol!

    1. Renee, hello and welcome! Good for you for moving on! And isn’t it the greatest when an ex turns hideous! hee hee! I can be such a mean girl. :)

  5. Poor Roxy. I can remember being like her. Devoted and suffering and incapable of understanding that my affections would never be returned. Thank goodness I found the right guy, one who loves me as much as I love him.

    1. Shary, good for you! I think we’ve all pulled a little Roxy at one point or another in our lives. Perhaps it’s a rite of passage, who knows. I just know that once you’ve experienced deep despair, you want to pick yourself and keep moving forward; never to experience such pain again. I’m so happy you’ve found someone who deserves you!

  6. —-My beautiful Bella,
    I loooooooooooooove how this post twisted together with such a cool message.
    I found it brilliant.
    Oh, Roxy is so Darling…
    the peacock is missing out!
    ” “Is a man worth all this anguish?”
    Absolutely NO NO NO>

    xxxx Kiss from Minnesota.

    1. Kim, you light up my day…always! And why did I know I could count on you to be on my cheering squad? It means a lot to me! Thank you! :)

  7. lady, you’ve given Roxy the better advices a woman can give to a friend, and I think she needs to go out and make some interesting new friends!, it’s time to enjoy social life and ignore that stupid fluff!
    Love to read your thinkings and how much reflections you can draw from an everyday life anecdote!

    1. Mrs. Allnut, mi bella amiga, thank you for your kind words! I agree with you 100%! Roxy needs to get out there and mingle with the crowd. No more sighing over Emilio and his bushy, little tail! :)

  8. Thanks for this post Bella! It is so true. Some women like the drama and don’t want to move on. Such women (and Roxy) need to go out, party and have fun until they have actually moved on. I know that it is easier said than done, but having fun is the best way to move on!!!

    1. Muriel, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Sometimes staying busy and investing time in new pursuits and interests are good ways to get through a slump. An occupied mind has less time to worry, dwell on the negative and feel sad for what can never be. I’m so glad you liked the post! :)

  9. The minutes woman feels the need to play strategy, she should take a long look in the mirror and tell herself she deserves the CHASE. She should be the desired object, the Chasee. If you have to trap a guy, do you feel fulfilled and confident? Nope. And every woman deserves to feel adored. Don’t settle for less, ladies!! Also, Roxy Lee is adorableness herself!

    1. Lori, thank you for enhancing this post with your beautifully delivered comment! I knew I could count on you to support this premise! :)

  10. Good advice you gave to Roxy. Emilio (like some men) will miss her when she leaves but by then, it will be too late for him.

    Oh, by the way, most of the photos on my blog are taken in Harlem (my neighborhood). I don’t always label them.

    1. Paz, you’re absolutely right. Hindsight is twenty twenty and men learn this the hard way. I really enjoying your photos! :)

  11. This is hysterical. Yes, Roxy needs to move on. It is time. Emilio thinks he’s too good to sniff her…you know. Besides, I know Emilio’s type. He loves the chase, actually lives for it. Glad you convinced Roxy that there are more Spanish men to enjoy and more warm romantic nights on the veranda. Roxy is a babe…and she should not spend another lonely night thinking of Emilio, the boot-licking-lackey!

    1. Sing it, sister! Annie, I love your passion! I couldn’t have said it better myself! Thanks for adding to the mix! :)

  12. Oh dear, perhaps you could read “He’s just not into you” to Roxie. My daughter and I both read it, and whilst we understood the concept I don’t know if it necessarily made us feel better. My mum always used to say: “There’s plenty more fish in the sea!” to which I would respond, “Yes, but not that fish.”

    1. hee hee, Elizabeth! I know what you mean. My nana used to say, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” Tis true. Unfortunately, we have to realize that the sooner we move on, the better. I giggled at your suggestion of reading “He’s not that into you.” We saw the movie, Roxy and I, does that count? :)

  13. Love this post. I have no advice for Roxy, or for others. Love is a beautiful ugly complicated pleasure. Bella, your writing is just wonderful!

    1. Georgia, thank you for your kind words. I’m so pleased you like my writing. I try! :) I think if love weren’t so complicted, it would lose part of its allure!

  14. This post is hysterical! Sadly, though, my adorable little Casey dog (the half beagle) is kinda like that annoying Emilio you speak of. Casey insists on barking and howling ferociously at any dog that walks by. Whether it’s on a leash or not – Casey doesn’t care. And I feel so bad for these dogs because they’re doing nothing. And Casey is such an unwelcome ambassador who thinks she’s a pit bull. Yet she’s such a cute little thing and I love her so much. But this behavior must stop.

    1. Leah, you’ve made me giggle with the description of Casey’s behavior. I agree. There has to be some behavior modification if she’s to remain a cute dog. After a while, the bad attitude gets tiresome. Casey most definitely needs an intervention! hee hee! :)

  15. Roxy is not you, is him!
    There is a lot of dogs in the city and you are too special to care about someone
    that doesn’t care about you.
    Move on my dear; like my abuelo used to said: “mejor estar solo que mal acompanado” (is better to be alone that with bad company).

    1. ¡Ofelia, y tu abuelo era un hombre sabio! Little Roxy looks a bit more chipper today. I think she’s moving on! :) De todos modos, muchas gracias por tus palabras de apoyo, amiga! :)

  16. Well, all I have to say is that Roxy’s just too damn cute to waste her time on that jerk Emilio. Tell her I said so. And I will pass this excellent message along to my 16 year and to her friends… and to all their friends, because this kind of grief over a worthless man should not be. Ever!

    1. SIng it, sister! Absolutely! Hallelujah! I want you on my team always, Debra! :) I think this is a message all young girls should assimilate. Women need to learn early in life that they establish their self worth, not a man.

  17. Roxy is far too good for Emilio. (And you can bet that I will save this post for my 5 y.o. daughter for when she is older! ;-) )

  18. I’ve watched many a girlfriend act this way about men and it hurts my heart a little every time. Sometimes, the guy is Emilio, too sexy for his own shirt. But sometimes? Sometimes, the chemistry isn’t there and he lets her down easy. But she still reacts like Roxy. And all I can think is, “Can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself?” But I really don’t think they can see it. And I kind of feel bad for the men, who were just putting themselves out there, too…

    1. Elise, you’re right, this is something that happens to men as well. We can’t say all sisters are compassionate and noble. Some of us are bloody sharks. However, I can’t but wonder if we’re like that by nature or if it’s men like Emilio who have turned us into rabid pit bulls? :)

  19. I’m not sure if there’s a particular point when we should move on, I think we move on once we’re ready for it. Also, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being depressive about something (a man who doesn’t want os or anything else) for a while (not an indefinite while, though!), it’s just a way to process things, be in a pain for a while, get over it, and move on. I think think that far too often we tell ourselves to move on already without giving ourselves time to process our grief, and then the unprocessed grief comes back and bites us in the ass.

    That being said, I doubt there’s any point in being depressed forever about a guy who doesn’t want us. If he’s not interested, he’s not, nothing we can do about it – he certainly won’t become interested if he sees us weeping for his attention as if someone died, and if, by any chance, he does become interested at that point exactly, then you basebal bat is your best friend. :)

    I found it most helpful to do the stuff I enjoy doing, and/or bury myself with work, until my inner self processes whatever it needs to process and I can feel happy again.

    1. Ivana, I think your way is the best way to get over an ill-fated love affair. Indeed, we need time to grive and process a break up or a romance that never got off the ground. But like you mention, it defeats the purpose to be depressed forever over a man who couldn’t care less about us. I too am most successful when my mind is occupied and I invest time in myself and the things I like and enjoy. Chocolate and Ben & Jerry ice cream also help! hee hee! :)

  20. Poor Roxy! What she needs is a pile of DVDs, bags of M&Ms and bowls full of cookies. And then a girl’s night on the couch in front of the telly.

    I agree with what Ivana said – there’s no point in being depressed if someone rejects you. Feeling and knowing that someone doesn’t need (or want) you hurts and it’s normal to be upset, sad, angry… But after a certain amount of time (which can be different for each and every one of us – some need longer than others) it is time to move on and get on with your life.

    However, the situation is different if you are fairly certain that the other person didn’t mean to reject you but if fate just got between the two of you (yes, I believe that!). In saying that, I’m talking of situations when two people are actually supposed to be together – but then something happens to cause them go different ways. You hear of people getting back together after 40 years after they had been ripped apart by some sort of tragedy or mishap or whatever. I think when it’s that kind of neverending love story, the once in a lifetime love… you might not entirely be able to move on. You will have to accept the fact that you are being seperated and stop being depressed and everything and try to make the most of it. But in some ways, you will probably not be able to “move on” (as in “forgetting about it and finding the perfect partner”).
    (Yes, I’m hopelessly romantic – and obsessed with tragic love stories. I know. Shocking.)

    1. Sabrina, I smile at your wisdom and lightness of spirit! I have to be honest and say I don’t believe in “reconnection” after four decades. It is what it is and if I don’t get what I want when I want it, then I take that as a sign that it’s not meant to be. I guess I base my feelings on the fact that life is too short to spend dreaming of what might be, or would’ve been or what never will be.

  21. Excellent post, Bella. Of course my heart bleeds for Roxie ( and the images are priceless here) but the larger theme here is the tragic love story for all of womanhood. You know my feelings and point of view on this subject. I do wish sometimes that I didn’t look at the world with such rosy glasses and had more of warrior stance on matters of the heart because I probably would have earned Purple Hearts and now have collected so many broken ones, BUT I am just not wired that way. I found your words heartfelt and inspiring. I feel a post building as I write. Hugs to you for being such a wonderful woman.

    1. Brenda, you’re a sweetheart for saying so! Thank you! Yes, indeed I know your stance on the matter and I respect it. I don’t see it as you having a “rose-colored” mentality. Instead, you’re a woman who obviously feels strongly on the subject and you’re driven by your personal convictions. I admire that in a person. That said, I’m on the other side of the spectrum. Call me a cynic, but I’m more of a “take no prisoners” kind of gal. Perhaps it’s the result of romances gone wrong and the such, or maybe even my refusal to have an idealistic mentality. But it doesn’t matter cause we are who we are, dear Brenda. And that’s more than okay! :)

  22. Bella, you could not have said it better! Let’s move on ASAP.

    I find so much happiness in knowing that I am the one responsible for that happiness, rather than depending on someone else-

    It took me a while to get here, but I’m in my 40’s now and I wish I had discovered this oh so long ago…

    Thanks for the reminder!

  23. I loved, loved, loved this post! And you are right – how long does it take for us to move on? Why do we wait, “just in case he wants to come back” when he isn’t worth it? If he did come back, we’d be sorry. The best thing I ever did was STOP. I waited. I quit dating, quit trolling, and said to myself, “If it is meant to be, then so be it, otherwise, I’m all I need.” (Well God and my son, too). When Alpha Hubby showed up 12 years later, I was a whole person, as was he. He is THE best thing that ever happened to me… and I could have missed him by staying by the phone waiting for The Bum to call. Phew – I’m so grateful The Bum didn’t call!

    1. Hear, hear! Things happen for a reason and it would appear it was beneficial for the bum NOT to call! :) I’m so happy you’re in a loving relationship! And that you didn’t miss out on the wonderful opportunity because you were fixated on something that wasn’t meant to be.

  24. This is brilliant, Bella. I’m tweeting, sharing on FB and hoping that someone out there hears what they need to hear….I’ve been a Roxy at some point in life and I don’t want that for any one else. (And that Emilio tell him Pablo’s going to come get him!! Awful snob – with poor taste too!)

    1. Oh Corinne, how you’ve made me giggle! Roxy needs Pablo here as her body guard detail! I bet you if that were the case, that little runt Emilio wouldn’t be as cocky as he is! :) Thanks so much for sharing with your friends! It’s very much appreciated, amiga! :)

  25. Loved it Bella, got to hear of you, thanks to Corinne, The Emilios of this world thrive on the emotions of Roxy and her likes. What a lovely post, thanks for sharing.

    1. Sulekkha, hello and welcome! Any friend of Corinne’s is a friend of mine! So happy you decided to drop by! I’m glad you liked the post! :)

  26. Hey Bella, I am glad to be here. Am following your blog now. I have written a poem on roxy and emilio, just typing it in. Will share with you, it’s quite good :)(Even if i say so myself)

    1. Sulekha! I am bursing out of my skin with joy at the thought of you writing a poem about our furry friends! Oh my goodness! I’m so excited, as is Roxy! We can hardly wait for you to share it with us! Thank you! We are honored! And muchas gracias for following! I’m grateful! :)

    1. Sulekkha, oh my goodness! I loved, loved it! I left you a comment on the blog post and have already sent the link to family members and my Significant Other! I can’t wait to see their reaction to Roxy’s rock star moment! :) Thank you for sharing it with us! Roxy and I are tickled pink from head to toe!

  27. Wow! I stopped by from LBS to check out your “Speedo” entry (which was FABULOUS and oh so funny in a twisted sort of way!), and I found myself enthralled and loving this one as well…I hate that we women do this. It makes us (yes I am including myself in this) look so pathetic! It’s as old as time. Funny how when I do it, I’m all sad and pitiful; when I see someone else do it, I’m all pissed off that “they” could be so blind! haha – yes, what a beautiful mess we are, huh?

    1. Hello and welcome! I’m so glad you liked the posts! And you are correct, we do have the tendency to be sad and pitiful when it’s us, and angry when we observe other women do it! I had to smile at how true this is! Indeed, we are one hot mess! :)

  28. Bella, I have written a poem in Emilio’s voice as my male blogger friends were feeling discriminated against. Hope you will read it and not hate me for it :) Roxy needs to keep an open mind too.
    You know, I am thinking of writing a book on these two, what do you think? Thanks for the inspiration.

    1. Sulekkha, I would be honored if yo were to write a book on these two little furry friends! How absolutely wonderful! I’m very much looking forward to reading what Emilio has to say! :) Roxy’s dwelling on the possibility of keeping an open mind! hee hee!

  29. Terrific post! It is sad to say that one of my Yorkies would act the same as Emilio. Her name is Roxie, and unlike your Roxy, she isn’t interested in making friends. Our other dogs, however, love company and new friends. The difficulty, of course, is accommodating their need to socialize with Roxie’s desire for solitude. They are certainly little dogs with big attitudes!

    1. Hello and welcome! Aw, your little Roxie is not dog friendly? Well, different strokes for different doggies! :) I’m so happy you liked the post!

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