The return of the Speedo?

Last summer, I wrote a post titled, “Is that a banana hammock I spy?

In it, I addressed the “Speedo” controversy, or certain men’s misguided impression that they look hot and sexy in swim trunks that resemble the bottom half of a woman’s two-piece.

At the time, I thought this fashion faux pax had been an isolated event; a time where the fashion police had gone on summer break.

As a result, a large amount of clueless men had taken to strutting their stuff in underwear-like garments capable of making George of the Jungle blush.

Fast forward a year, and what I thought was a one time flux, is once again a reality.

And ladies, we’re not talking Matthew McConaughey in a loincloth.

Instead, we’re talking specimens like these:

Don't have a Speedo? Improvise and make your own!
To ride a bike? Why not? But don't forget your helmet! Safety first!

Something tells me that if Freud were to come back from the grave to perform psychoanalysis on me, he still wouldn’t be able to make me forget the horrors I’ve seen.

Hence, I feel it my civic duty to create awareness to the dangers related to Speedo exposure.

Because I don’t want anyone else to go undergo this traumatic experience.

No one should have to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and bathed in cold sweat; wondering if it’s inevitable to witness another man in a Speedo.

Therefore, I’ve written the following letter, in the hope that men who insist on wearing this type of suit will take notice and stop the senseless pain and suffering they’re causing onlookers.

Dear Man in a Speedo,
You, the one wearing the swimsuit which has only been acceptable on the body of Olympic athletes back in the 1970’s. I’m talking to you. Times have changed. We now have something available to you called “board shorts.” This type of swim suit will not only make you look more fashionable, it will also prevent your junk from playing peekaboo. It’s no longer necessary to wear a polyester/Spandex fabric scrap in public, or show off your package like you’re auditioning for a parcel company commercial. Speedos are not sexy and do not make us want to rip them off your body. On the contrary. This type of garment is best suited to be worn in the privacy of your own home, or if you’re ever trying to bring your wife/girlfriend out of a deep depression by inducing laughter. They can also be worn in your private jacuzzi, shower or bathtub. They might even be a good idea if you want to dress as a Chippendale model for Halloween, or if you ever run out of clean underwear. You should know that if you insist on wearing one, the majority of women will mock you, laugh at you, and snap photos of you to post on their blogs. We surely hope you’re not wearing this hideous garment, hoping to be spotted and featured in the next Calvin Klein perfume ad. We’d like to understand why you insist on wearing a Speedo. Do you hate yourself so much or do you hate us more? Is this your way of liberating your naughty boy side and showing us your “goodies”? If so, you’re wasting your time. You’re wasting your time because we want you to stop. We want you to stop exposing yourself in this manner. Stop forcing us to be unwilling audience members to your personal version of the “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Please. Just. Stop. Do yourself a favor and buy a pair of board shorts. We’re begging you.
A woman, who after seeing you, will never be the same

The brighter the Speedo, the better!
Who needs pants when you're wearing a Speedo?
Nothing brings a couple closer together than almost matching suits!

When was the last time you had a close encounter with a Speedo?


105 thoughts on “The return of the Speedo?

  1. I haven’t seen a Speedo recently, however, my daughter, husband and I saw a man with the tightest shorts and shirt I’ve ever seen on anyone. Nothing left to the imagination from any angle. My daughter squinted and said, “is that a woman or a …” then, when the man turned. “oh. never mind.” My husband decided to skip the bookstore and head to the hardware with the cautionary, “good luck not laughing when you walk past.”

    1. Kelly, my heart goes out to you! I wonder if you were able to contain your laughter. The majority of the time here, I can’t! Unfortunately, that results in dirty looks from the Speedo wearers. The nerve, I tell you! :)

  2. “The majority of women will mock you, laugh at you, and snap photos of you to post on their blogs”

    You naughty, naughty girl!

    I have not observed men in America wearing Speedos, but in Europe….everybody is naked.

    You continually tickle my funny bone. :) xx

    1. Kim, I have never seen a man in a Speedo in the States so it must definitely be a European thing. Aren’t you glad you’re safe? hee hee! :)

  3. Oh Bella, how I missed your stories and now this one was worth to wait for :)
    I laughed so much I started to cry. One of the reasons we moved from Russia to America is to run away from all the men-wearing Speedos and then we traveled to Europe, hahaha!!!

    1. Ariana, now you’re the one that’s made me laugh! From Russia, to Europe–there’s no escaping the dreaded Speedos! :)

  4. Bella, This is gross. Which just goes to show you, if these old men can wear Speedos, I am putting on a bikini. Now we’ll see who scares whom. But seriously, they need to get with the times!

  5. Pretty scary pix, Bella!! Very funny–especially the orange diaper thingie. Well, in Sicily, almost all men wear Speedos, and women here have told me that when they see the odd man wearing board shorts, they think he has something to hide…

    1. Jann, something to hide? You think? hee hee! I thought the orange diaper was hysterical! Seriously, how do women keep a straight face here? :)

    1. Shary, I can’t imagine they’re very comfortable either! Really, is there any reason why these men are wearing them at all? :)

  6. hhhahahhahahaaahhh!!! Rolling on the floor. Hilarious! Especially the comment about bringing your lady out of depression w laughter. hahahahahaaaa!!! The orange make your owns! hahahaha…. nothing coherent here. Just laughing.

    1. Lori, and you’ve made me laugh with your comment! OMG, the hahahahaha really had me hahahahahahaing! :) Glad to provide you with mirth, sister! Thank you for doing the same! :0)

  7. Alright. You know I think you’re funny, and this post in no exception.

    But I have to get all equal-rights on you, because honestly? If some guy posted about women wearing bikinis [or bathing suits at all] on bodies that weren’t, say pleasing to his eye, a lot of us would [justifiably] call him various names that aren’t suitable for family reading. Let’s just say, “superficial jerk.” {Note: Who am I kidding with that ‘if’ thrown in?}

    Since I assume that you’re all for women baring what they please at the beach [nudity excepted] no matter their style/shape/etc, and I also assume that you’re not a superficial jerk – why not let the boys have their fun with Spandex, too?

    Now, I’m not running out to buy my honey a Speedo, nor would I be thrilled if he sported one . . . ever, but I feel that old/young/flabby/hairy men should be as comfortable as old/young/flabby/hairy women whilst beachgoing.

    Maybe the best plan of attack on the Speedo should be a star on the tag of said item, like the advisory stars on menus about eating rare meat: “The wearing of bikini-like or otherwise underwear-ish shorts as bathing suits may increase your risk of mockery, revulsion, photo-snapping, and other “You’re Making A Spectacle of Yourself”-bourne illnesses.”

    . . . the tag would also include a link to your post, for those who truly want to know what they’re getting themselves into :)

    1. Jayca, you’re right: Men should have the same rights as women in regard to wearing whatever they please, no matter their age, shape or size. That said, it is not my intention to negate them that, but instead, to point out that should they exercise said right, they’d better be okay when women snicker at what they see. With Speedo-wearing comes great responsibility and as such, the dude better be prepared for the giggles. It’s the same with women who dare venture into male dominated territory. Haven’t we put up (and continue to do so) with their snickering and mockery whenever we aim to do anything and everything they deem themselves better at, be it a job or driving? Well, the way I see it, what’s sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander. Gentlemen, go ahead and wear your Speedos, but you’d better have some thick skin when you hear us guffaw as you walk past us. Morale to this story: You’d better have the right attitude and self confidence to pull off whatever it is you’re wearing and know that no matter what, there’s always someone who’s going to wonder what the hell you were thinking. And this applies to boys AND girls. :)

  8. Once I was in Cyrpus with my Portuguese friend. He decided that he needed a new swimsuit. He was very seriously picking up Speedos and I nearly died laughing. When I could finally control myself I asked him why and he said that he didn’t want tan lines! I was out of control laughing that I had to leave the store and sit on the sidewalk…

  9. Bella, this is a very funny post and I just want to start exercising again after seen some of this extensive display of body mass!

    1. Ofelia, lucky for you that you have such a svelte figure! I’m jealous, by the way! But no worries. If you come to Spain, you’ll have nothing to worry about. It’s completely forgiving to all body shapes, and for that I’m particularly grateful! So glad you liked the post! :)

  10. The thought that always enters my mind when I see a ‘Man in a Speedo’ is, “ahhhh another one who thinks he is God’s gift to women…..”

    1. Hideaheart, hello and welcome! I’m with you! I think you have to be a bit narcissistic to wear one! Although, none of the gentlemen featured here have any reason to be! :)

  11. OMG! When we went to the beach this summer I was so surprised at the amount of men in speedos! And not gorgeous I want to lick your abs men, but the others. Sigh.
    And by the way, that first picture….she didn’t need to be in that bikini either. :-)

    visiting from LBS

    1. Rose’s daughter, hello and welcome! You made me giggle! I’m still chuckling at the “I want to lick your abs” men part! hee hee! :)

  12. You know, the first and last one don’t look THAT bad… but I am with you. I don’t think man-thighs should really be shown to the world… very strange. The guy who made his own speedo is the WORST! LOL!

  13. I saw a guy in a speedo this week at Kohler Andrae State Park. He was 60-something and most likely has been wearing them since the 70’s. I did mention to my hubby, “Ugh gross a speedo.” Thanks for taking the time to write the letter on behalf of all of us. I don’t think it will do much good though.

    Stopping in from the tea party.

    1. Savvy Working Gal, hello and welcome! Really? You don’t think my letter will make much difference? :( Oh no…well, I’m glad I tried! hee hee! :)

  14. Visiting from LBS and I have to be honest…. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit….

    As someone who grew up by the beach, I’ve seen WAY too many up-close-and-personal versions of that display of “masculinity”. It is only improved upon it the wearer of the speedo is also wearing a “man sweater”… In this case, I suppose the speedo is the only way for him to cool himself off…… LOL

    1. If you’ve grown up close to the beach, then you know exactly what I mean! :) Yes, the man sweater…I’ve seen all kinds of combinations. The shirt with no bottom, the Speedo by itself, the Speedo with a towel draped around the shoulders, the Speedo with a bike helmet…the hits just keep coming! hee hee!

  15. OMG this was such a funny post! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man in speedos in real life and i pray to God that I never do! Thanks for making me giggle :)

    Stopping by from the LBS

  16. I liked the writing, but am in complete and utter disagreement with the statements. I might be the only one who is replying differently, as I usually tend to go against the norm. Maybe it’s my European upbringing, but probably more because I’m a woman who has no problem with seeing a man’s ‘package’ outlined in a set of speedo’s. How is this part of the anatomy on a man’s body any different than seeing a woman’s ‘rack’ jutting out against her bikini top? What is wrong with seeing that a man has a penis? Personally, I like them and I’m sure that a lot of the women who see them will go along with their sisters and proclaim ‘Oh my, please put that away while I avert my eyes!’ but in reality, they are wishing they could see more. I guess I’m the only one who will be honest about it.

    Granted, not every body that wears a bikini or a speedo does that outfit justice, I know I don’t pull off the bikini-look very well but really, is that the most important piece about the human? We are all lacking in some way – beauty, health, body – I guess I don’t key in on the physical flaws, only the character flaws.

    1. Susi, seriously, you’ve taken this discussion to a whole new level. I think the majority of the sisters here are just having fun and a good giggle.I don’t believe we’re over analyzing or comparing penises to jutting racks, character traits, or the human condition. Instead, we’re just kicking back and enjoying a little humor. That’s all. And no, I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re the only one who will be honest about it. I think all of us here are honest about how we feel. Some like the look and others don’t. Lastly, we write about what makes us laugh because life is too short to only dwell on round table discussions.

    2. Bella, yes, I do tend to think differently than most people and I do enjoy the round table discussions more. I appreciate a good laugh too, but I guess I don’t get the joke when it comes to this topic. Sorry to have taken the fun out of your bit.

    3. Susi, no worries. Diversity is a wonderful thing and I can understand how some topics can be funny to some and not to others.

  17. Girl Please…no man looks good in those little bathing suits…when I actually see them wearing one and talking to people up close it makes me feel like I drank an entire bottle of ipecac…ewwwwww…..hahahahahahaha

    1. Woman, you never fail to disappoint with your funny comments! Thank you for adding to the mix, sister! :) Ipecac indeed!

  18. You are too funny, Bella. This much I will say: I can deal with nudity, the good, the bad, and the worse than bad. But Speedo’s? As you would say, no can do. Either take it off or leave it on. To me, these are the choices. Waffling in a Speedo offends my sensibilities.

    Just sayin’

    1. June girl, and I like your “just sayin’!” :) And I like your gusto and passion! I’m really liking this side of you! :)

    1. Tina, hello and welcome! And thank you for being another sister who gets it! I read your comment and said, “Yes!” Because like you, I say, kudos to the confidence of those who wear them, but it doesn’t mean we’re not going to laugh anyway! :)

  19. yikes! that’s hilarious. Scary, but hilarious. Thanks for doing your civic duty by writing that nice open letter to Speedo Man. ;-)
    Visiting from the LBS Tea party.

  20. Hi! I’m hopping over from the LBS Tea Party. Great post! Guys will never get that we are not interested in seeing their “goodies.” They think because they want to oogle us all the time we must be the same. I think you should print your letter and hand them to guys wearing these. Hey, wouldn’t that make a great documentary? To see their reaction would be great!

    1. Colleenie, hello and welcome! I think a documentary is a fine idea! How brilliant to see their reaction, indeed! When do we get started? :)

  21. I think men are undergoing some kind of identity crisis that they probably will lay squarely at the feet of women. These things are hideous, as hideous as the pants below the butt that these kids wear. Utterly disgusting. I can’t wait for them to just stop it. Not sexy at all.
    Thanks for making me chuckle at 11 pm on a Saturday night!

    1. Lady, any time! And I agree with your observation of the pants below the butt. Is that over already? The Son went through that phase and I couldn’t wait for it to pass! :)

  22. Bella – I had no idea. I live 40 miles from the the nearest beach and rarely get down there, but maybe I ought to go check out the fashion scene. I know a few years ago there was a big controversary in the local paper about whether string bikinis ought to be permitted at Virginia Beach. It is a family-oriented tourist attraction and apprently there is a dress code. Still I ought to go check it out.Your post makes me a little afraid of what I might see there….

    1. Carol, you have to go down and check out the scene! Imagine all the blog-worthy material you can acquire! And share with us! :) You’ll be okay–you can do it! hee hee!

    1. Ivana, I had a one-piece t-back Speedo when I was on the swim team, back in the day. The most comfortable thing to swim in, as I’m sure you know!

    1. ROFLOL! I didn’t say I wanted him, I just said I liked him. But thanks for your unselfish generosity. *giggling some more*

  23. I wish I had an amusing Speedo anecdote, but sadly, I don’t. Until I do, I’ll just stick to my position. Wear a suit or go nude! Halfway measures shouldn’t be legal.
    Great post, Bella.

  24. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh Bella, your posts never fail to make me laugh. I am roaring with laughter as I type! I thought Speedos were all the rage in Europe?

    1. Laura hon, the rage they must be with the copious amount I witness on a day to day basis! And yet that doesn’t make them a “good” rage! hee hee! So glad to have provided you with some laughter! :)

  25. Bella – you made ALL of us howl and roll around on the floor. You’re voice brings each of out of the drabness of our manic lives and gives a good ole smile. I find the men on beaches in Europe a heck of a lot more brazen that those US boys… Speedos… not something that makes me weak at the knees to be honest. Smiling still..

    1. Brenda, I know I can always count on you to lift my spirits with your kind words anytime! Thank you, sister! I’m so glad you feel this way! :)

  26. AS SOON as I saw the first picture I started laughing. Not in a mean way, it’s just a visceral reaction to a man in a speedo. I don’t care how toned or good looking the guy is, if he’s in a speedo it is hilarious!

    1. Sarcasm Goddess, that’s what I’m saying! It’s not that we’re laughing to be cruel, it’s just that we can’t contain our mirth before such a sight! Eew! :)

  27. Today’s “Boardies” swim suits look just plain awful. Same goes for long & Baggy casual “shorts”.
    I agree that short swimsuits may not be best for older, heavy set men. However there are a lot of guys that look good in speedo style trunks.

    1. Hello California Swimmer! I find that board shorts look great unless you’re referring to the really long ones that don’t show off a bit of a man’s legs! That said, contrary to you, I don’t think any men, fat or thin, look good in Speedo-style trunks. But that’s just me. Of course, it’s all about personal taste! Thanks for weighing in! :)

  28. Bella: I would challenge you to wear a set of mens board shorts for a FULL day at the beach and report back on comfort. I am a fan of the comfort of the speedo, and have worn them for years in private, but due to the social stigma, I do not wear them anywhere by my own pool. I think that wearing a boxer brief style tighter swim trunk should be acceptable. It just makes sense that you should wear a comfortable piece of clothing for swimming and relaxing. One large issue that I see here is that it seams women who I am sure are all for equal rights, squash those of men. I do agree that if you belly goes down before it goes up, then wearing shorts is a proper consideration, and that goes for women too. I personally do not want to see any rippled behinds regardless of gender. However… in the end what the heck is it to us to judge them. People spend WAY to much time worrying about what others think. How about living in a good life and stressing less. If they want to wear something that’s comfortable, but socially unaccepted, good on them. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

    1. James, sadly, looking chic and trendy isn’t about comfort. If that were the case, I would challenge you to wear a pair of Louboutins and then report back. I think it’s a shame that even though you think Speedos are so comfortable and liberating, you’re still letting societal issues bully you. If you feel so strongly about something, you shouldn’t let what others think get in the way of your comfort or personal style. This Speedo post was written close to a year ago but it’s not the first. I write a Speedo post every summer after having to witness these horrific strips of cloth on the beaches of Spain. I will not apologize for doing so. After all, both men and women are snarky enough to slice and dice any woman who doesn’t have a “bikini ready” body but is still brazen enough to wear it. You yourself say you don’t want to see any rippled behinds. Why not? Don’t fat people have the right to strut their stuff in anything they see fit? It’s because of this hypocrysy that I decided to address this issue. Sometimes you have to reveal the reality of life, even if that means some get caught in the crossfire. In this case, it’s men wearing Speedos. Tomorrow, who knows? I say, wear what you want, just don’t get pissed if you catch my attention and land in one of my blog posts! Thanks for chiming in, James! :)

  29. Yes, I am a black man 35yo 5ft7 170 lbs athletic build, and I will wear them, Why should women have all the fun. I mean of course an out of shape man may not be a welcoming site, but who are we to judge other people.
    There are some women who should have on a BUICK, or a CHEVY before they go outside, but its a free country.
    That is the problem here in the UNITED STATES, we all think we are better than the next, and we think we can do better.
    I am going to wear my Bikini swimming, and I look DAMN GOOD, and I have the Body for it, and I dont care what you or anybody else may think, if you dont like it, we have this feature on our body called a NECK, and EYE LIDS, turn your Damn head, or close your eyes.
    trust me, I am not, nor will I make an effort to look your way.

    1. Oh my goodness, Aaron, we do seem to have put you in a state, haven’t we? Calm down, buddy, or I’m afraid you’ll be giving yourself a heart attack before you can once again strut your stuff in your Speedo! Sadly for you, the fact that you’re so much on the defensive tells me you’re not as confident as you seem to think. This post is done in good fun and the aim is not to judge any man who wears a Speedo. We do, however, reserve the right to laugh at anyone who does. Thank goodness for that Constitutional right of freedom of speech which I’m sure also ensures us the right to laugh our asses off whenever we so please. Women should have on a Buick or a Chevy before they go out? Color me clueless regarding what you’re saying here, but just in case, dress me up in a 1967 Ford Shelby. And for the record, I’m certain no one here thinks they’re better than anyone else. But it may just be that we have a better sense of humor. Good day to you, sir. :) PS Thanks for the anatomy lesson. It’s always good to be reminded of what we can do with out neck and eye lids!

    2. LOL, No, feathers ruffled here, That’s just how I am., rather straight forward and blunt.
      LOL! Nowhere near having a heart attack, I dont thinkI could have one if I wanted to.
      Not defensive, I just know tha tits a free country, and we all have to get along. there are plenty of individuals who do things that Piss me off to the highest of pisstivity, but its my responsibility no not let it bother me. As americans, we have to start accepting responsibilities for our downfalls, and drawbacks.
      we are all to willing to blame somebody else for our tears, and Jeers.
      as far as the car comment goes, some people are so big, and out of shape, it seems like the only clothes that may come in their size is a car.
      clothes go over our bodies, Cars go over our bodies.
      Hey! if you want to show your body do it, and if people complain, let them complain, its usually hatred that they have because they are jealous, because of their lack there of.
      No hard feelings here, iam just a blunt individual, but I am an angel and the sweetest guy, anybody could ever meet, But I will tear an individual a new one, If I need to.
      Have a good night.

    3. Aaron, I’m afraid you won’t be tearing anyone here a new one of anything. We congregate on this wee blog to laugh and come up with possible answers to rhetorical questions. If either of these aspects interest you, you’re welcome to visit again. If not, it’s time you move along and find a place where you can continue your crusade. Cheers!

  30. HA, I’m laughing my rear off on this article. This Bella seems to have a major issue with any guy wearing a brief, whether underwear or a swimsuit and I’m sure Bella would like the guy to wear what they did back in the 30’s. Hey Bella, do you shame the diving teams in all sporting events around the world, water-polo and swim teams? Have you even considered that having tan lines down below the knees and above the tummy button is retarded looking, especially in the lockerrooms? Oh wait, that’s the way you like your guys. Bad news for you Bella, several friends of mine work for several clothing manufacturers and guess what, the brief is making a come back this summer and they are pushing it more this summer than any other, profits are higher for them… hint hint run and close yourself off to the closet come this summer OR better yet, just stay away from the beach lol

    Andrew from PA

    1. Andrew, I had to restrain myself from calling you This Andrew. However, I cut you some slack thinking you might have been wearing a Speedo when you wrote the comment, thus cutting off blood flow to major organs. This Bella does not have an issue with Speedos, unless you count the one where Bella thinks it should be banned from public places. Last time I checked, the only man who gets a free pass to wear a Speedo is Michael Phelps and that’s only because he’s wearing it in a bathtub in an ad for Louis Vuitton. As for tan lines in the locker rooms, really? I didn’t think you men were checking each other out in this type of environment. I do, however, want to thank you for the heads up that more men will be hitting the beach in Speedos this summer (shudder). I’ll be sure to bring extra dark sunglasses, as in the ones you wear after having cataract surgery. I wish I could take your advice and hide in the closet but it’s kind of hard when I live across from the beach, two months out of the year. Have a good day, Andrew from PA! :)

  31. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wearing them. I was a competitive swimmer and wore them in the 80s and 90s in public and no one ever said anything to me. I am used to them and wouldn’t wear board shorts in summer because the tan like would make me look ridiculous in swim meets. And quite the contrary, I saw men and women checking me out. I’m 40 now and let me tell you I still look damn good in one.

    I still wear them for lap swimming and if I go on vacation overseas, as in the US beaches here they have such a stigma now that people attack men who wear them and put pics of them online to mock them. Even though I have a great body, I use the square cut ones now.

    I did wear one last summer at a beach near my house in New Jersey. A group of men had come to the beach and were wearing them and some girls and guys were making fun of the guys, making sarcastic comments and gay innuendos to their faces: it was pretty mean I thought. I went home, changed into one of my speedos I wore 15 years ago with all different colors on it and came back to the beach a half hour later. I went over to them and asked them if they had a problem with me wearing one and if they wanted to make any comments to me about it. Interesting not one of them had ANYTHING to say. I walked right into the water past them and walked back out and no phones came out or anything. So, maybe that is why you see some of us men wearing them. It’s my right to do it, and it’s your right to mind your business.

    1. Thank you for sharing your lovely story with us! That said, let me rephrase your last sentence. It is your right to do it and it’s our right to laugh at you when you do. Methinks if you want to rock a Speedo, more power to you, just don’t huff and puff when spectators decide to giggle as you strut your stuff on the shoreline. Have a nice day!

    2. I Think That Man Or Woman, If You Are Physically Disproportionate, And Or Hairy,You Should Get Yourself Together, OR Keep Your Mouth Shut.
      This Is America, And People Can Wear What They Want. Though, There Are A Lot Of Jealous People Out There,Most WhoSeem To Be Obese Americans, Americans TEnd To Not Want To Accept Responsibility ForThe FlawsThat They Have Control Over, And Therefore, Make Excuses Why Such Silly Imperfections Should Be Acceptable.
      Lets Face It, We Americans Are An Obese Nation,And We Want ToMake It Ok To Be Greedy, AnYGlutinous.
      Therefore, TheObese PickOnThe PeopleWho Are Able To Wear Such Items.
      Yes, I Am American, Athletic Built, Yes A Black Version Of Michael Phelps, Maybe A BIt Mor Stocky, Yes, I Will Continue To Wear My Swim Briefs. Love It, Or Hate It, But Don’tBeJealous If yCant Do The Same.
      Grow Some Nerves, Grow Up, Accept YouR Body, OR Change It, But Don’t Make try To Bring Others Down Misery Highway With You.
      After All, Some Of Us Have A Mind Of I

  32. Gents, relax it is just a bathing suit. Some people like them some don’t. If it bothers you that much that some people want to have some good natured fun with it, then you might ask yourself why you are really wearing one.

    I wear them when I swim and frankly I am more worried about throwing up after the laps I just swam than what any one thinks I look like.

    Bella, let me know when you want me to email that pic of me in a pink see thru thong covered in suntan oil. :D

    1. Brad, that’s the spirit! I love it when a man takes good natured ribbing in stride. It’s a sign of self confidence, as well as a good sense of humor. Methinks you’ve earned the right to rock your Speedo sans our giggles. Call it a show of good faith for being such a sport. I swam 26 laps today and guess what? Wearing a Speedo! ha! As for the pic of you in a see thru pink thong, I have a question–why in the world would you cover that thong in suntan oil? :)

  33. Nowhere in this whole article is it mentioned that women are socially allowed (if not encouraged) to wear skimpy bikinis, no matter what their body size or shape, save for the morbidly obese. In fact, in several of the photos you posted here, the women adjacent the men are just as fat (if not fatter in the first one) and are wearing equally revealing swimwear, but you do not mention that, let alone shun it.

    I for one think it’s incredibly hypocritical to maintain this view that women can wear whatever they want while men are condemned to board shorts, just because it shows more leg, and yes, confirms that men (gasp) have a penis, in the same way that a bikini conforms women have breasts.

    Also, swimwear is clothing, and like any clothing, different cuts and styles look better or worse on different people. Yes, many men look better in board shorts, and likewise, not all women look good in bikinis. People should wear what THEY want and look good in, not what society wants, and if we are going to have rules about it, it needs to be equal for both genders. Anything less than that is blatant sexism, there’s no other way to slice it.

    1. And here on this wee blog we’re just slicing and dicing men in Speedos for the fun of it, Jacob. We’re not slamming fat, skinny, or ugly men. Just men who we think should never have left the house wearing a loin cloth. As for the fat women in bikinis, good for them. If we have to look at your gender in ridiculous garb, then it’s only fair we get to exhibit our fat rolls.

  34. Nice post. I live in Brazil and speedos are more than OK here. It has been like this for decades. A man wearing anything but a speedo in a brazilian beach is immediatelly recongnized as a foreigner. It was funny to see that somewhere else the beach fashion for males is rather different. Such a big world, isnt? Cheers!

    1. Hello and welcome, Eduardo! Indeed, we’ve noticed that Speedos seem to be a cultural thing. This is also true of Spain, although more and more, board shorts are replacing them. And for that, I’m glad. Cultural or not, I still think they’re hideous! Thanks for chiming in! :)

  35. Bella, I believe good humor is laughing with people not at them. Based on the comments I have read on this post I believe many have a double standard. Why can a woman wear swimwear next to her skin but not a man? What is the aversion to the male form. Why isn’t it indecent, etc. for a woman but it is for a man? I prefer wearing a “speedo” style suit because I chafe less, do not get as cold, I do not drag water and air, and it supports and lifts. It is great to have humor but not at others’ expense. I believe more men would wear “speedos” if they were not made fun of. I do not make fun of you and your swimsuit, why should you make fun of me and my swimsuit — I find it offensive. I have rolled up my swimming shorts like the man you posted because of chaffing. We should only judge when we must and then only after really trying to understand. Maybe many of the women making fun of this man pulling up his swim shorts never thought that he could well be chaffing. I encourage everyone to compare swimming in a form fitting suit (like most women’s one and two-piece suits) and a non-form fitting suit.

    1. Oh, Ken, how sad that the “double standard” only comes to play when women have a little fun at the expense of men and not when it’s the other way around. Methinks you have not taken this post lightly. It is not my intention to laugh at your gender and while I cannot speak for my readers, I don’t believe there’s any malice in any of the comments posted here. Nevertheless, in the effort to address your “chaffing” needs, I feel it’s necessary to point out that if a group of men saw a woman walking around in her “Spanx,” they wouldn’t be as considerate as to think of HER chaffing needs. My advice to you, even while you haven’t solicited it, is to lighten up a little. Life is too long to take silly subjects like this so seriously! If you need to wear a Speedo to ward off chaffing, abstain from the cold, and lift whatever it is that needs lifting, then I suggest you disregard what others think and rock your Speedo. At the end of the day, if a Speedo meets so many of your needs, then it should not matter if a few women snicker. As for you laughing at me in a swimsuit, I would say, go right ahead! I’m confident enough to not give a rat’s patootie to what others say or do. Thanks for chiming in!

    2. Bella, thank you for your reply. I do agree that humor is great and that we should take ourselves too seriously. I believe more men would wear a “speedo” if it wasn’t so accepted or expected to laugh at men you wear them. I’ll have to take your advice and no care to be ridiculed. I know life is not fair; but I hope to point out the double standard in our culture for women to generally be accepted wearing form fitting swimwear but men who do are considered “gross,” or indecent, or showing off their “junk.” I have heard from psychologists that the subconscious mind can not take a joke. I wish we can build each other up and be slow to judge.

  36. There’s nothing wrong with any of the man on this page! I bet you’d be the first to complain about ‘objectifying’ if a man wrote a similar blog about bikinis.

    1. But that’s just it, Ryan–men objectify women all the time! Ironically, y’all get your boxers in a knot when we incur in the same behavior. So, grin and bear it!

  37. P.S. Anyone who uses the word ‘methinks’ should have their internet connection removed by court order.

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