(And by fall collection I mean, the warmer variety sweatpants and long-sleeved tees)
As I perused my meager clothes items, I realized Roxy was crouched next to me, her hind legs squeezed together.
I quickly realized this was hardly the time to dally over appropriate seasonal wear, so I hurriedly pulled out the “banner” pants, an old, short-sleeved V neck and a pair of white ankle socks.
A pair of old, scuffed Mary Jane shoes completed my disastrous ensemble.
However, one foot out the door, I realized I had underestimated the weather and pleaded with Roxy to refrain from emptying her bladder in the hallway, while I ran back inside.
I pondered throwing on one of the Significant Other’s coats, but quickly abandoned the idea when I noticed the extra long sleeves gave the impression I’d fished it out of a dumpster.
So instead, I ran to my room and pulled out the trunk where I keep my winter wear.
Quickly, I opened the lid and there, lying at the top, was a Burberry cape my mom had given me a few years back.
Not being a fan of designer brands, I thought nothing of throwing it on over the horrendous outfit I had donned just a few minutes before.
Roxy, wearing her own ratty pink tee with a hole under the sleeve, gave me a look that said, “Lets us pray the fashion police are not within a ten-mile perimeter.”
So, with a swoosh of my cape and swish of Roxy’s tail, we took off on our walk.
Halfway to the dog park, however, we encountered this lady and her Jack Russell.
She took one look at the likes of us, and crossed to the other side of the street.
Most days, a snub from a fellow dog walker would have gone unnoticed, but today was different.
After all, had she not noticed I was wearing a Burberry cape?
Did she not realize the value of such an item?
Or the fact that it was considered timeless and classy?
Did she not see its wonderful texture and how beautifully it draped?
And that’s when I walked past a Mini Cooper and got a look at my reflection in one of its windows.
There, for all the world to see, was the word “GAP” tattooed across the seat of my “banner” sweatpants, reminding me why I had christened them so in the first place.
Sadly, not even my luxurious cape had been enough to camouflage the non-paid advertising emblazoned across my ass.
Nevertheless, like a warrior on the battlefield, I surged forward, the Burberry cape blazing in the wind; a perfect stand in for body armor.
Five steps into my march, I stopped and shouted to no one in particular, “This is a Burberry cape, dammit!”
Nobody turned to look at me.
Nobody clapped or ran toward me to get an autograph.
Yes, today I proved something and that is that, even something as dashing as a Burberry cape is incapable of getting some of us a second glance.
However, a pair of ratty blue sweatpants with the word Gap in the color turquoise slapped across the ass?
That will most certainly garnish you some attention.
So what did I learn today?
I learned that perhaps the Burberry cape would be better served as an afghan; one that will keep me stylishly warm, regardless of what I’m wearing underneath.
What clothes item do you wear that compels people to give you “the look”?
Before signing off, l wanted to inform all you lovely readers that the beautiful Sulekkha has posted the third and final installment to the “Roxy and Emilio Saga” in her blog, Memoirs.
It’s just wonderful!
But don’t take my word for it–click here so you can judge for yourself!
Thank you, Sulekkha! You rock!