Is this what you call a fashion crime?


Today as I rummaged in my closet for something to wear, I made a horrible realization–it’s time to put away the summer wear and bring out the “fall” collection.

(And by fall collection I mean, the warmer variety sweatpants and long-sleeved tees)

As I perused my meager clothes items, I realized Roxy was crouched next to me, her hind legs squeezed together.

I quickly realized this was hardly the time to dally over appropriate seasonal wear, so I hurriedly pulled out the “banner” pants, an old, short-sleeved V neck and a pair of white ankle socks.

A pair of old, scuffed Mary Jane shoes completed my disastrous ensemble.

However, one foot out the door, I realized I had underestimated the weather and pleaded with Roxy to refrain from emptying her bladder in the hallway, while I ran back inside.

I pondered throwing on one of the Significant Other’s coats, but quickly abandoned the idea when I noticed the extra long sleeves gave the impression I’d fished it out of a dumpster.

So instead, I ran to my room and pulled out the trunk where I keep my winter wear.

Quickly, I opened the lid and there, lying at the top, was a Burberry cape my mom had given me a few years back.

Not being a fan of designer brands, I thought nothing of throwing it on over the horrendous outfit I had donned just a few minutes before.

Roxy, wearing her own ratty pink tee with a hole under the sleeve, gave me a look that said, “Lets us pray the fashion police are not within a ten-mile perimeter.”

So, with a swoosh of my cape and swish of Roxy’s tail, we took off on our walk.

Halfway to the dog park, however, we encountered this lady and her Jack Russell.

She took one look at the likes of us, and crossed to the other side of the street.

Most days, a snub from a fellow dog walker would have gone unnoticed, but today was different.

After all, had she not noticed I was wearing a Burberry cape?

Did she not realize the value of such an item?

Or the fact that it was considered timeless and classy?

Did she not see its wonderful texture and how beautifully it draped?

And that’s when I walked past a Mini Cooper and got a look at my reflection in one of its windows.

There, for all the world to see, was the word “GAP” tattooed across the seat of my “banner” sweatpants, reminding me why I had christened them so in the first place.

Sadly, not even my luxurious cape had been enough to camouflage the non-paid advertising emblazoned across my ass.

Nevertheless, like a warrior on the battlefield, I surged forward, the Burberry cape blazing in the wind; a perfect stand in for body armor.

Five steps into my march, I stopped and shouted to no one in particular, “This is a Burberry cape, dammit!”

Nobody turned to look at me.
Nobody cheered.
Nobody clapped or ran toward me to get an autograph.

Yes, today I proved something and that is that, even something as dashing as a Burberry cape is incapable of getting some of us a second glance.

However, a pair of ratty blue sweatpants with the word Gap in the color turquoise slapped across the ass?
That will most certainly garnish you some attention.

So what did I learn today?

I learned that perhaps the Burberry cape would be better served as an afghan; one that will keep me stylishly warm, regardless of what I’m wearing underneath.

What clothes item do you wear that compels people to give you “the look”?

Before signing off, l wanted to inform all you lovely readers that the beautiful Sulekkha has posted the third and final installment to the “Roxy and Emilio Saga” in her blog, Memoirs

It’s just wonderful!

But don’t take my word for it–click here so you can judge for yourself!
Thank you, Sulekkha! You rock!

XOXO,

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54 thoughts on “Is this what you call a fashion crime?

    1. Oh Diane, if only that were true all the time! I think pairing up the Burberry with the sweatpants was indeed a fashion crime! :)

  1. Fashion crime? What’s this fashion you talk about?

    I don’t remember people giving me “the look”. However, I recently purchased camo pants, and today, after I was done with my dentist for the time being, I purchased a black Vietnam jacket. I’m not into army, it’s just that the both items are very comfortable and will probably last me a decade or two; however, there were a lot of hooligans with short hairs and camo pants or military jackets, so, if i wear those, I might get “the look” from the police.

    And not the fashion one.

    1. Ivana, I’m all for comfort, so regardless of who gives me “the look,” I’m surging forward wearing whatever it is that I’m wearing! hee hee! :)

  2. HA !! What a delightful post. I’ve been there….

    In fact, just this week I was saved from fashion crime by my dear friend @girlparker1. I got a call as i was walking out the door to go to the gym, inviting me to go to an author appearance. Husband eyed my outfit and suggested that I replace the highwater stretchy pants with jeans. When I arrived at Lori’s she took a look at my running jacket and free race tee and offered to loan me a cardigan and scarf… they teamed up to avert an aesthetic disaster.

    1. Eden, I think we can aptly say this is an example of “Lori saves the day!” Although, lets give Froy some credit from saving you from the high water stretchy pants! hee hee! Hey, I’m all for running jackets! I think they’re cool! :)

    1. Hot Coco, I’m just praying my mom won’t find out I’m now using the cape as an afghan! :) Delighted you liked the post, lady!

  3. In the fall and winter, much of my dog walking happens before the sun comes up. I get dressed in the dark and often forget to comb my hair before leaving the house. Sometimes when I get home, I’m horrified by what I look like, but Lola doesn’t care how I dress. She just wants to go.

  4. Enjoyed reading this story of yours… A burberry will bring any clothing alive… having said that there are moments when I have walked out where the looks I get are like daggers!

    1. Oh Savy! You and I both! But seriously, what’s a woman to do, right? I usually just pick a point in the horizon and try to not to look to my right or my left. In other words, I turn off all peripheral vision. :)

  5. A side-splitting, wet-your-pants, laugh out loud, rip-roaring hilarious post! OMG Bella, I have not laughed this hard in awhile.
    When I wear those get-ups, my daughter makes us walk at night when there are fewer people to witness the spectacle… when we will be as inconspicuous as possible… when even the dog catcher or the garbage collector won’t spot us.
    The straight-laced woman in the photo with the Jack Russell reminds me of a prim and proper neighbor I had who wore dress suits and nylons and pumps all day, even around the house.
    Whenever I need an uplifting and inspiring moment, I will return to this post – which I tweeted BTW.

    1. Debra, I aim to please and your comment just gave me wings! I’m floating on air at the thought I could provoke such mirth! Thank you for that! :) I see the Daughter once a year and whenever we go out, she screams from the other room, “No, do not wait for me outside. I have to see what you’re wearing!” It’s hilarious! The Significant Other tells me that there are days when I resemble the “crazy woman in that chick flick who’s dying.” He’s referring to Charlize Theron in the movie “Sweet November.” I just smile and say, “The clothes don’t make the monk!” :)

  6. Oh Bella! You gotta look both up AND down when dressing up! hahaha. I would LOVE to see you rocking that Burberry cape. I’m not much for labels, either (would you believe?) but I have a weakness for anything Burberry. I just love how classic and timeless their pieces are. And their perfume! mmmm.

    1. Laura, you sweetheart, you remind me of the Daughter in the sense she’s a lover of anything Burberry as well.Thank you for the wonderful tip of looking both up and down, which I shall do next time before I leave the house. I’ll add a front and back glance to that as well! hee hee! And I agree, Burberry perfume is quite good! :)

    1. Yes, Kelly, sadly me too, but lets not dwell on that for now! We’re having too much fun dressing like, well, like older people! :)

  7. —My Beautiful Bella,

    I love love love your posts.

    “Nobody turned to look at me.
    Nobody cheered.
    Nobody clapped or ran toward me to get an autograph.”

    I would have, dear. I am cheering right now….cuz I think you are MARVELOUS.

    & Roxy looks stunning in pink. xxx

    PS. please put a photo of the cape on your blog.

    :

    1. Kim, you are sweeter than sugar, you know that? I’m so happy you liked the post! And the cape is on my blog already! If you look closely behind Roxy, you’ll see it draped, afghan-style on Marcelo, the chair! What do you think? :) You can also see the tear in little Roxy’s tee as well! hee hee!

  8. Wow – now I need to go Google burberry capes immediately. What color is is? I’m picturing red. I share your fashion challenges and also have a so-far unpacked turnk of fall clothes, but you have the added challenge (or adventure opportunity) of having to take Roxie out in public. I am tucked on a cul-de-sac where only my closest two neighbors can ever see the get-ups I throw on in the morning, and believe me, they don’t care.

    1. bwhahaha! Oh Carol, you’ve got great neighbors! I want to move to your cul de sac! As for the cape, it’s in the traditional Burberry pattern and like I mentioned to Kim, it’s draped over Marcelo, the chair Roxy’s standing on! :)

  9. Bella, I walk around looking like nobody’s business. Seriously. I go to the gym with slept on hair and by the time I leave am soaked in sweat. (I’m not kidding. I sweat more than any woman I’ve ever seen. I’m known for it at the Y.) in my baggy, falling off sweats (to cheap to buy decent ones just for the gym) etc, when I go into a store, I sometimes can’t get one damn salesperson to help me. But cleaned up with some makeup on? I’m treated like an entirely different person. I think that people probably cross the street when they see me all the time. That it’s so frequent, I don’t even notice. Thanks for a chuckle!

    1. Oh my goodness, June, your description sounds familiar! I think that’s was me 15 years ago when I actually went to the gym! hee hee! But no worries, cause like you, I clean up good. And isn’t that what really matters? :)

  10. Ever wonder if our pets look at us and think “Ughh. Does SHE ever have ugly fur!”? I think so! I’m pretty sure mine do. Getting Roxy outside for her walk was your first thought and that’s all that matters, right? It’s not like you were wearing slippers or anything, right? Bella? Right? You weren’t wearing slippers, right? Lovely post. I’m pretty sure I’ve had parents and their kids cross the road when they see me and my team coming. That Lady and Her Jack missed a great opportunity to make an acquaintance :)

  11. Astra, was I wearing slippers? Not this time, lady! My choice of foot apparel consisted of an old pair of Mary Jane shoes that have seen better days! hee hee! I’m tickled pink you like the post! And I think you’re right–pets are sensitive to our ugly “fur.” God knows Roxy gives me enough funny looks! Thankfully, the funny looks are replaced with joy when we exit the building! Thanks for making me chuckle with your comment! Those kids and parents crossing the road when they see you and your team coming are depriving themselves of meeting someone as cool as the likes of you! :)

  12. :) Bella, what you need is a floor-length Burberry cloak–sort of like a burka–to hide whatever crazy stuff you’ve got on when Roxy is in urgent need of a walk. Do they make those?

    1. Jann, amica, if they do, can you order me one? hee hee! Imagine the anonymity an item like that would garnish us! Yep, you’ve made up my mind. I definitely want one. Just make sure it doesn’t cover my eyes. I still need to avoid stepping in dog poop at the dog park! :)

  13. I’m known to wear “comfortable” but never expected to be spotted at the Recycling area on a Saturday afternoon by two colleagues who would never! dress as I do at times. Thank goodness I had my designer sun glasses on!

    1. Theresa, I hear you. Where would we be without our fabulous Jackie O sunglasses? I’m delighted sunglasses keep getting bigger! Not only do mine hide premature wrinkles, they practically give me a new identity! A good investment, for sure! :)

  14. I’m not a label gal, but even if I was, I don’t think anything could help the look I’ve nearly perfected. it’s taken years…but just know that if you miss it one day…viola, I’ll probably be wearing it again tomorrow. I used to be a clothes horse. Shopping and buying until my closets were jammed. Now I never shop and the same items stare at me like they are going to cough up blood and croak any minute! The topper was last night…it seemed cold so I put on a real old pair of pajama bottoms and a ratty old shirt and went to bed. At 2 AM my dog was doing cartwheels…he needed to go outside fast! I suppose I should have changed, or ran a comb through my hair before hitting the street. At least that’s the look the policeman gave me when he stopped his car and asked if I needed help. I said, “Does it look like I need help?” He just tipped his head and drove off. When I got home I took a look at myself in the mirror and started to laugh. I surpassed even my best effort to look awful!

    1. bwhahaha! Oh my God, Annie, that is just priceless! You see the trouble these puppy dogs get us in! I tell you! But no worries cause you’re a stunning blonde no matter how ratty or old your shirt and pajama pants are! :)

  15. I can’t believe you didn’t post a pix of the cape! That woman across the street? She looks stressed and uptight, as does her dog. No personality at all. Huh, who do they think they are anyway?? You WERE wearing Burberry! Obviously no class at all, too. We’re with you Bella and Roxy! You’ll always be cool in our book. May I have your autograph? Pawgraph?

    1. Nan, the cape is laying haphazardly on Marcelo the chair in the first photo! And yes, the little lady did give the impression of being a bit anal. The dog too! Thank you for your support! Roxy and I are honored to have you on our side! :)

  16. I’m with Jann: – we all need a type of maxi coat that covers a multitude of sins! Right now I have a pair of 70’s looking baggy bottomed jeans that really need the heave-ho because they make everything look and feel gross. Enough said.

    1. Elizabeth, I think you, Jann, and I need to get custom-made coats like the one you describe! I think that, not only would they had our flaws, the maxi length will make for a spectacular look! :)

  17. I’m with you. Top layer is what counts, and only the front view!! But you might not wanna listen to me. I continue to commit this crime. http://bit.ly/nCddet
    I’m wearing this exact outfit now, with different socks. Argyle in fact. Oh, and I’m sick… but let’s be real. I still wear when I’m in the pink of health!
    Serious kudos to catching a pic of the lady across the way. Brilliant!

    1. Lori, I checked out your post before I replied and I tweeted it! That photo is priceless! And hey, that’s me on a good day! hee hee! Argyle, however, does not trump fuzzy, stripped socks! Here’s hoping you feel better, lady! And thanks for the kind words on the photo capture! Roxy, was like, what the heck are we doing? This as I raced to keep up with the lady and her dog, on the other side of the street! :)

  18. LOL! Sounds like you are ahead of your time in fashion and look really good walking down the street with Roxy. ;-) When I walked my dogs, I wore some interesting fashion items to say the least. I didn’t mind the reaction that I got. I just cared that I was warm, especially when it was cold. I used to wear a nice warm hat, which I got for cheap. Only problem with it was that it had a signature across that read, “Flirt”. I’d forget about the writing on my hat and then be surprised when guys would approach me and try to talk to me. Luckily, my dogs took care of the unwanted attention with a snarl and growl. :-D

    1. Oh my goodness, Paz–that sounds like one hell of a hat! hee hee! But I’m with you, as long as it keeps you warm and you have your dogs to act as body guard detail, you are set! :)

    1. Megan, between you and me, I remember feeling the same way when my mother first gave it to me! hee hee! There’s just something about superheroes! :)

  19. I love Burberry, though I confess to not owning any designer brand … yet. At this stage, I’d still spend any loose cash on books and music instead. But one day. I’ll get myself a nice B coat or bag.

    Anyway, when I was about 12-13, I once wore black leggings (didn’t call them leggings then, called them long, stocking stuff worn on the outside) with a pair of shorts and a simple tee-shirt. Got my inspiration from Models, Inc. – a drama then. People stared. Naturally.

    Roxy is very adorable … and looks good in anything. Or nothing.

    1. Claudine, I would imagine you caused quite a stir with your leggings, shorts and tee! I remember donning a similar outfit back in the Flashdance era! hee hee! Roxy thanks you for your kinds words! :)

  20. Hahaha! I guess if you really care for fashion, this would be a true fashion crime! I can only speak on my behalf, but I like to wear what suits my personal style and sometimes that means wearing several items that don’t actually match according to global fashion rules, but look awesome as a whole and as long as I like it and feel comfy in my own skin, I don’t care if people throw funny looks at me.
    Good on you for capturing that lady, though! Quick thinking! (I kinda hope she finds your blog by accident, that would be so funny!)

    1. Sabrina, it’s funny that you mention that cause a lot of times I wonder, what would happen if the peopel I feautre in my photos saw themselves on my blog! hee hee! I’m glad you “pattern mix”! Good for you! I say, if you feel good in it, then wear it, no matter what others think. After all, we define how we feel about ourselves, not others. Thanks for your take, lady! :)

  21. Bella, If I ran into you wearing a clown outfit while walking Roxy, I would not cross the street away from you. No, I’d probably pull out a red clown nose and put it on, then Henry and I would join you. But really, I want to see a photo of you wearing that Burberry cape. Right now, I can only imagine. And I love Burberry. If it wasn’t so out of my price range I’d be wearing it all the time!

    1. Lady, Burberry is way out of my league! The only reason I have that cape is thanks to my dear mother who insists a woman should have at the very least, a couple of nice items in her closet. You can actually see the cape, not on me, but it’s draped on Marcelo. I think it makes me look short, if you ask me. :) And I’m doing the happy dance that you and Henry would join Roxy and Me in solidarity. How cool is that! :)

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