Aren’t you tired of all the drama?


cc licensed ( BY NC ) flickr photo shared by forzagaribaldi

When I first heard the song, “No More Drama,” by Mary J. Blige, I rejoiced.

I thought that finally, all those beseeched by drama had a spokesperson; a union rep who would manifest drama sufferers’ discomfort.

Listening to Mary’s song, I heaved a sigh of relief; grateful I no longer belonged to the drama club.

I had been lucky. I had escaped; broken free from its toxic hold.

One fine day, empowered with the knowledge that I had enough drama in my own life, I had pulled a “Roberto Duran.”

I had exclaimed, “No mas.” No more.

However, those who are still in drama’s chokehold, know that breaking free is no easy feat.

It takes great fortitude, strength, and the ability to distance ourselves from the toxic folk.

Fortunately, my girl Mary woke up to the reality of negativity.

She realized how toxicity, much like a parasite, worms its way into our lives and destroys our peace of mind.

Toxicity: A quality possessed by those known as the toxic folk.

You know who they are.

They’re the constant bearer of bad news; the ones who bring you down.
The gossips, the complainers, the whiners.
They’re the ones who cry poor; the ones who dish dirt out on others, and have a perpetual monkey on their backs.
They’re full of themselves, their stress, and their bad luck.

Life doesn’t cut them slack. God is not on their side. Evil is out to get them.
They’re hexed, cursed, doomed. They hate their lives, their families, their spouses. They can’t catch a break.

Or so they tell you, over, and over, and over.

Like thirsty sponges, they absorb all of your energy.

A conversation with them leaves you feeling spent, exhausted, in need of a nap.

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.

They never change. They’re always the same.
Down on life. Down on their luck. Down on everybody.

They steal your mojo. Suck you dry, and without a shred of thanks, exit your life, only to come back sooner than you expect, ready to grab double helpings of your good chi.

So what do you do?

The only thing you can do: you cut them loose.
It’s the only way.

The toxic folks don’t know the meaning of middle ground; they’re all or nothing.

Cut them loose.
It’s the wise thing to do; the only thing to do if you want to stop them from getting the best of you.

So if you’re feeling like you’re being consumed by the problems of others, like your life is on hold, like you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, you may be a victim of drama.

It’s not too late.

You too can break free.

All it takes is the ability to say, “No more drama.” No mas. No more.

In refusing to engage in the drama of others, you’ll be free to live your life; experience life one day at a time. Your way. And in peace.

Are you tired of the drama in your life?

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46 thoughts on “Aren’t you tired of all the drama?

  1. I have created, by and large, a drama-free life – save for when I step onto the stage. As I read your post, I realized that there is the smallest percentage of people in my life that fit into that category, and I am good about calling them on their shit and/or supporting them to think/act differently, with love, as is warranted. It’s a wonderful thing.

    1. Hot Coco, how wonderful that you’ve managed to make the necessary adaptations! Drama is not easy to get rid of. It lurks. I’m glad you’re onto its games! :)

  2. I havent heard this song but know that MaryJ can cut to the heart of the matter like no other.
    And no one can pay it forward better than you Bella!!
    I just think, to argue the other side, that sometimes this “drama” is a cry for help. Especially in the case of teens. We can’t cut them loose! They don’t know how to ask for help dealing with their drama…
    As for everyone else , I have occasionally mentioned to my husband (consummate sales guy) that “I don’t need to spend too much time with them/him/her anymore” (consummate diplomat that I am!) he usually gets the hint :)
    Thanks for this post!! Am sure the comments will be interesting!!

    1. Astra, you’re right! I should have made the clarification that I exclude children, teens, and the elderly from the “cutting loose” process. Thank you for adding that! My children are both young adults and rarely share any of their drama with me. However, as a mother, one tends to have the mentality that they will always be your babies, thus excluding them from the cutting loose concept. My mother, already in her 70’s is another exception. Some of the elderly population tend to suffer from depression, not my mom’s case, and it would be detrimental to their well-being if we refused to listen. As for your husband, I’m so glad he gets the hint! Not many men are so prone to understand what we’re trying to imply, if you know what I mean! :)

  3. I don’t think I know any drama queens. I rely on my pals to be there for me when I’m having a rough patch and they know that I’ll return the favor. Mostly, we just like to laugh together. Thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am and for sharing this great song.

    1. Shary, you have wonderful pals! Can I join your circle of friends? hee hee! This song is simply fabulous! I’m glad you like it! :)

  4. oh, yes, no more drama queens near myself, lady Bella, I agree with you!!, I say no to all that adult people that seem never take responsibility of their own decisions, that never want to change whatever they’re always complaining of!.
    I’m a huge fan of Comedy Queens, that girlfriends that make you laugh about your (or her) misfortunes, that lovely people that can transform any situation into a better thing!.
    besos & risas

    1. Mrs. Allnut, I’m glad Astra’s comment allowed me to clarify that when I say “toxic folk,” I’m referring to exactly those you mention–the adults who never take responsibility for their actions and decisions. They thrive on tragedy. It’s almost as if they’re in an eternal existential crisis. They’re never content, satisfied, or thankful of the opportunity to learn from life’s rough patches. I say, give me comedy queens much like your gal pals! Let us look at the positive and rejoice in being alive! :) Besos y risas, amiga mía!

  5. How well I can identify with this post, Bella. I’m glad I started cutting them off a while back….Now I’m getting quite quick at spotting them and not inviting them to come in and take a seat at my table of abundance! I think we’re on the path of redemption!! Alleluia. And I mean that in the best possible way…

  6. This is a favorite song of mine, Miss Bella. I confess… here it goes, once I declared aloud I wanted to write, followed by ‘I am a writer’, and my time was limited, please understand I am not able to hang out ALL THE TIME, listen to your woes, etc.., and friendship is a two-way street, shared by both parties and NOT ONLY ME, and if you can please accept this newly minted version of who I am, we have a lifetime ahead of us. Needless to say people dropped like files (family excluded, as I walk over hot coals for children,mom, sister, and niece). At first, I was hurt people didn’t understand. Being a good Latina I stood by …… but not for long. I take care of myself and never ask for help (this is not a good thing, but since I was raised by wolves and gypsies, I don’t know any other way), and figured these people who couldn’t cope with the new me and were a time and energy drain had to find someone else to drag down. It was odd at first letting go of people (not natural for me) but now I love being free of them. I am cautious when I make new friends. I am selective with whom I share, and whom I want to share back.

    1. Brenda, good for you! Being a Latina myself, I know exactly how difficult it must’ve been. Family takes first place in the hierarchy and it’s just damn hard making them understand that we too, have a life. A life we have on pause as we deal with the drama of this one and the crisis of that one. And this doesn’t apply to immediate family alone. The extended family is notorious for wanting a piece of the action as well. Well, I say they have to accept the new us and if they can’t, well, as my nana used to say, “Menos perros, menos pulgas.” Good riddance! hee hee! :)

  7. —Bella,
    this is the reason so many people LOVE you…because you are like a flower:

    Blooming, Blossoming, Blowing love and positivity all over the place….

    Xxx hugz from Duluth…

    btw, you have been a great inspiration thru my mourning process…

    1. Kim, you are one of the reasons I’m inspired to write. Your comment has me walking on sunshine even though it’s near two in the morning here. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am honored you consider me to be of assistance through your mourning process. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love more than life itself and like you already know, it’s not easy. The only thing that I’ve found lightens our load are the kind souls that light the way with their kindness and compassion. Once again, thank you, Kim! Hugs! :)

  8. oh YES. I just cut all the drama out of my life. I hate confrontation. I hate having to deal with people who try to draw you into their over melodramatic lives. OH GOSH. I am not the most popular girl, I don’t have lots of friends, but those friends I have aren’t crazy dramatic. haha

    1. Laura, like you, I’d rather have a few good friends who don’t have to take center stage every day, than an army of needy drama queens. Seriously. And when I say drama queens, I don’t mean the fun, histrionic personalities that make you crack up with their shenanigans. Those I love! I mean, the needy, I’m throwing another pity party, won’t you please attend, type. I’m delighted you’re attempting to live your life stress-free, sister! :)

  9. I recently had a conversation with my niece, she is 26 years old and full of drama. Listening to her made me realize how happy I am to be 40 something and free of any drama…..If only my son could do all his h/w on time life will be beautiful!

    1. Ariana, I hear you. Now that I’m older, either I don’t have the energy to keep dealing with the drama, or I’m too old to care. :) The homework part doesn’t get easier, friend. The Son is about to turn 20 and I still have to remind him to do his homework! How’s that for drama? hee hee!

  10. I don’t have drama, unless you consider my dog’s princely ways. He has high expectations you know, and can give you the evil eye if he doesn’t like the meal you put out for him. He can go weeks without talking to me, then suddenly I’m on the phone whining about him to a girlfriend, and he starts barking at me. This is the sum total of my drama these days. What to do, what to do…

    BTW, I wasn’t familiar with this song, but I LOVE it. Great rhythm. Gracias for introducing it to us. ;)

    1. Monica, dogs can indeed fill your life with drama as well! Today, little Miss Roxy decided that it was a good idea to tear up her beddy and I ended up on all fours chasing after the polyfill that had made its way under the table. Lord, I’m too old for this crap. Even pets add to the drama of life. I tell you! I’m delighted you like the song. Mary’s the lady. The woman can sing! :)

    2. Ha ha! I can just picture Roxy tearing into that teddy–or was it a beddy–and you following closely behind to pick up the insides, so that she doesn’t swallow it. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. In any case, I just fell out of my chair picturing this! Talk about drama!

    3. Mon, it was her bed, which I fondly call, “beddy.” hee hee! I’m happy to have provided you with an amusing visual. Roxy is that kind of character. She makes you laugh about the silliest things and even when she’s naughty, you can’t but love her. Picking up the polyfill was disgusting but order has been restored. Now I have to sew the “scar” in her bed. Naughty Roxy! :)

  11. I used to have a few friends who were total drama and zapped the energy out of me daily. We have gone our separate ways. I tend to absorb the moods around me so I have to be somewhat careful not to spend a lot of time with those who don’t want to better their lives because it’s easier to bitch about it. Great post, Bella! I’m sure a lot of us can relate to this!

    1. Annie, I’m so glad you like the post! Yes, I know the kind of friends you’re talking about. I’m happy to report that we’ve parted ways as well. An afternoon with them always felt like I had spent the day with the “Dementors” from Harry Potter. I kid you not. :)

  12. This is a marvelous post, and I have to agree. I know so many people who just thrive on drama, it’s sickening. When in actuality, drama is what makes me sick (physically, back in the day). I can’t wait for the day when my life will be drama free.

  13. Ugh! So very, very true! Whenever I spent time with my friend, I ended up feeling drained and depressed. And the biting tongue was so wounding – even though everything was supposed to be said in a ‘teasing’ tone. I finally ended the friendship by not returning calls. My friend got the message. Several years later, this friend told me that whenever they felt outclassed, they reacted with sarcasm. It didn’t help . . .

    1. Diane, I’m glad you managed to rid yourself of such an albatross! Good riddance! There’s never a justification for rudeness. I don’t care what people’s reasons are. I’m just sayin’. :)

  14. My dear Bella I think that you read my mind again! I just finished, terminated, ended a friendship with a women that I knew for about 4 years. During those 4 years I realized why her family members and co workers couldn’t handle her after a while.
    I really liked her but she had the tendencies of being very exuberant at times and others very negative and nasty. I really tried but I couldn’t deal with her mood swings.
    Life is too short to have to deal with nasty and negative people, ugly shoes or some of those really bad reality shows!

    1. Ofelia darling, you’re back! I have missed you so! When I saw your comment, I did a happy dance! :) In regard to what you say, I’ll toast to that! There’s a reason people can’t deal with your friend with the nasty attitude. I’m certainly glad you wised up and cut her loose. Indeed, life is too short to deal with negative folk, reality shows (those are the worst, I think) and I’ll modify ugly shoes, to shoes that are uncomfortable. (I have some ugly Ugg boots which I still wear cause they’re so comfy!) hee hee! :) Glad you’re back, sister!

  15. Oh honey, I have cut those losers loose. And when one of them still calls me, I refuse to indulge her in a whining session. I am not being paid to listen to griping, whining, or bellyaching.
    Sometimes when the phone rings and I’m in the other room, my intuition alerts me: it’s her, and she’s dying to talk about her crazy sister and insane mother. Then, sure enough, caller ID confirms my suspicion and I don’t answer.
    Bravo to us!

    1. Bravo to us, indeed, Miss Debra! It’s hard, but achievable is what I say! I’m glad you cut the loser loose! And can I say, thank goodness for caller ID! Wish I had it here! :)

  16. I like to side step drama when I can, too. This was a beautiful inspiring way to say it and share it. Inspiring other sis what you do and you do it well. you encourage and give generously of your time and talent, giving us something to strive for.
    Thank you!

    1. Jodi, I’m touched by your comment! Thank you for your kind words! It’s wonderful to be appreciated and you, dear lady, have made my day today. Thank you! :)

  17. You are so right, Bella! Those people are the worst and are not “happy” unless they’re dragging everyone else down. There’s a mother at Sophie’s preschool who is like this. Everything is a negative. Even her own kid’s accomplishments. It’s so sad to be around!

    1. Leah, I’m glad you said that, because not only is it frustrating and tiring, it’s also sad. It’s sad that some of these folk can never find the silver lining to anything. I hope you’re able to avoid that mom like the plague! :)

  18. Bella, you’ve said it soooooo well!!! I wish I had read this post years ago. It took me much too long to realize that people who freely unload all their baggage zap my strength, and that I’ve got to create some kind of boundaries.

    1. Jann, absolutely. We have to create boundaries, parameters and even tall fences, if necessary. I, for one, don’t have the mental energy that is required to deal with the toxic folk. My hat comes off to anyone who does or wants to, but it’s no longer for me. I’m done. And thank God, for that. However, amica, it’s still not too late for you to make a run for it! Go on! I’ll cheer you on! :)

  19. Oh man, how right you are! Unfortunately, it applies directly to my little sister, whom I haven’t spoken to in three years. While that’s tragic, it was either that or lose all personal peace. She’s in and out of trouble with the law and always wants rescuing, until you actually try to rescue, then suddenly she’s fine. Until the next phone call… It had to stop, so I quit reaching out. Ugh.

    1. Lori, it’s hardest when you have to cut loose a family member. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s do that, or lose your sanity. Toxicity embraces all forms of life and that includes immediate family, friends, loved ones and extended family. What can we do other than be there for the person, exhibit compassion and empathy and provide a shoulder to cry one. That said, when actions turn into a pattern and we realize we’re halfway to losing our mind, it’s human nature for us to activate self-preservation mode. It’s you or them. Who’s it going to be? Thanks for your comment, friend!

  20. When I was younger everyone in my life was a drama queen; my boyfriend, my friends and my family. I got rid of all of them except my family. I had to. I was working full time and taking classes at night. I couldn’t take care of everyone else and myself too. Now my life seems dull in comparison, but I have so much more free time to actually accomplish something. I’ve even reduced my mom and sister to small doses because they always bring me down. My mom is one of the most negative people I know. My sister hates her job and is in an unhappy marriage. I used to spend hours talking with her on the phone, ‘til one day I realized she doesn’t want my advice she just wants to dump on me. I told her she should really be telling this stuff to a counselor and she hung up on me. Now she rarely calls. She calls my mom instead.

    I enjoyed the song. I hadn’t heard it before either.

    1. Savvy Working Gal, you are not alone. There are so many people who are in these same circumstances. And like you mention, it brings a person down to be an auditory witness to so much drama. With family it’s harder but even so, I believe we have to set boundaries that will allow us to have some sense of a normal life without having to referee arguments, micromanage crisis, and keep people out of the mental ward. I’m glad you’ve managed to set parameters. Kudos to you, friend. I’m glad you liked the song! :)

  21. “Like thirsty sponges, they absorb all of your energy.
    A conversation with them leaves you feeling spent, exhausted, in need of a nap,”
    I so agree!
    Hate drama and drama queen!
    DC
    xx

    1. Lady, you and I both! And we can giggle over the drama queens, but we also have to recognize that they are utterly draining. There hasn’t been a time when I haven’t felt like I need a cat nap after a conversation with one of them! hee hee! :)

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