Is this what agape feels like?

The Ancient Greeks engaged in philosophical discussions regarding the nature of love.

They used the terms eros, philia, and agape to describe this irrational emotion that most people aspire to know at some point in their lives.

Eros was characterized by intense desire, philia entailed fondness and appreciation, and agape referred to unconditional love; the highest and the truest kind.

Looking back at my life, I can honestly say that I’ve known eros and philia extensively but agape, that’s a different story.

I believe it takes a certain level of emotional maturity, a certain amount of experience, and the desire to stay committed, come what may.

And while I want to believe I’m on agape’s path, my heart tells me I still have a way to go.

This past weekend, I thought I experienced something that gave me a glimpse into what agape may feel like.

The Significant Other and I strolled leisurely through the market until we made our way to a charming coffee shop we love to frequent.

We were fortunate enough to be seated next to the fireplace.

As he ordered our espressos, I took in the lovely Christmas decorations that adorned the mantle.

The table, being quite small, awarded us the possibility of sitting close together.

The Significant Other gazed at me with affection as he took my hands in his.

I felt an overwhelming sense of connectedness; an intense feeling of well-being.

We sat in silence, feeling the warmth of the fireplace and smiled like silly adolescents.

I noticed that neither of us were striving to fill the voids of silence with idle chatter.

Words were not necessary.

On the contrary, I think if we’d spoken, the moment would’ve been ruined.

I sighed deeply as I thought that perhaps this was what agape was like; no defining structure but instead, a constant flow of contentment.

The aroma of our coffee served to enhance the experience.

It’s lovely scent hung softly in the air.

I wanted to freeze the moment; to bottle up the emotional state we were in to bring out at a later time.

I felt we were on the verge of making agape’s acquaintance.

I held my breath in anticipation.

However, just then, the Significant Other broke the silence.

“If you’re done with your coffee, let’s go. This fire is making my ass sweat.”

I’m afraid we still have a long way to go.

Have you made agape’s acquaintance?

63 thoughts on “Is this what agape feels like?

    1. Maechi, hello and welcome! I am thrilled you liked the post! Your mother is lucky to be the recipient of agape love! I’m glad you’re on the path to achieve it as well. Hang in there! :)

    1. Michael Ann, I bet you weren’t expecting that ending, where you? hee hee! This post virtually sums up my the cause and effect that is my life! :)

  1. Beautiful post, with a surprise at the end! You gave me a chuckle.

    Without going into a long story, let me just say thank you for writing this particular post on this particular day. I needed to read it.

    1. Nadine, I am delighted you liked the post! And really, did you enjoy the surprise at the end? I’m so glad this post served some purpose for you today. Reading your words, I’m reminded of how gratifying it is to write! Thank you for that! :)

  2. Ha! That laugh was so helpful on this Monday back to work after a break. Not that the serious part was lost on me, but thank you for that ending! :)

    1. Caryn, any time, my friend, any time. After all, we need all the help we can get in order to get through a Monday after a long weekend, now don’t we? hee hee! :)

  3. Let me just say that this post, and even the ending (;-0), prove to me that you are truly blessed!
    I have heard that a mother’s unconditional love for her children can often have a negative impact on her because of all the irrational fears and worries about her child’s or children’s safety and well-being that pre-occupy her thoughts. I wonder if this, too, is agape!

    1. Astra, if it were up to me to answer if this is true or not, I’d say that based on my experience, it is indeed agape. Sadly, however, even agape in its truest form can have adverse effects if it goes over board. Nevertheless, how do we keep from worrying and fearing for our children’s lives? I’m afraid this is another rhetorical question. I think my nana’s love was truly the agape kind. My mom tended to smother me a bit too much and I don’t think I ever quite met her expectations. I’ve tried to keep a balance with my own children and when I sense the worrying is going to turn into a nuisance, I call my sister. We commiserate and blow off steam and our offspring goes untouched by our irrational fears! :)

  4. What a lovely, thoughtful, romantic, and hilarious (albeit a frustrated hilarious) post!

    I believe, as with most things, agape may take gentle practice. I think of it as being akin to meditating, in that if my mind drifts – or races – I need gently return it to emptiness. So it may need to be with agape, until it simply is.


    1. Hot Coco, you are a sage! I agree–agape must truly come into being. It is not to be forced. I’m so glad you liked the post! And yes, life with the Significant Other is laced with buckets of frustration from time to time. What can I say? :)

    1. Hello and welcome, Divine! Really? You mean there’s another Significant Other walking amongst us? Oh dear! hee hee! I’m tickled pink that I was able to make you laugh!

    1. Shary, without a doubt, Lola, that lovely girl of yours, has made agape’s acquaintance! And yes, agape must be just east of enlightenment and west of wisdom. We shall continue on the quest to meet this lovely type of love! Keep going, Shary, keep going! :)

  5. Bella, you are so funny! You lead us to this wonderful, shining moment, then you toss us to the ground with Significant Other’s comment. I think of agape as wanting the very best for another person, regardless of what’s in it for us; kind of like the love Christians should have for one another and the love God has for His children. It’s a pretty hard thing to find, I’ve found.

    1. Debbie, my mother would say or your definition, “That is indeed the real meaning of agape!” And I agree. Undoubtedly, God’s love is agape, as is who we should love one another. Sadly, you’re right. It is a difficult thing to find. But that doesn’t mean we have to stop trying to find it, eh Debbie? Something tells me our lives would be so much richer! :)

  6. LOL! I guess agape will have to be found another time, huh? A Significant Other with a sweaty ass is unappealing (in my humble opinion). A hot ass, yes. Sweaty ass, no. :-D

    1. bwhahaha! Oh Paz! Good one! Is there anything more unattractive than a man with a sweaty ass? I don’t think so! Indeed, the search for agape will have to resume at a future time! :)

  7. This is funny, I was pretty happy for you there by the fire, with your coffee aromas and the flickering flames swaying beside you like a choir. It’s easier to feel agape in silence. There should be a bumper sticker, “Please be quiet, I’m trying to love you.”

    1. Patrice, this would make a great bumper sticker! And it would make for a wonderful message to be cross stitched! hee hee! Most definitely, I’m going to try to discover agape in the wee morning hours–when out of sync comments don’t chase it away! :)

    1. Jann, it can’t be helped! There is no finding a romantic moment with this man. It’s virtually impossible, but at least it makes for good blog fodder! I’m happy you found it amusing! :)

  8. HAHAAHAH! Bella, if we ever have the chance to meet in real life, WE JUST MUST! I swear, your SF sometimes reminds me of my husband. and hopefully, one day, I’ll be as amazing as you are! :)

    1. Laura, you’re double as amazing now, sweetheart! I would love to make your acquaintance! Perhaps if we put our heads together we can discover where agape hides! :)

  9. Bella, have you been drinking my kool-aid? I believe in agape, I yearn for it, would walk over coals for it (so long as I can remain independent) would LEND my first addition of Gone With the Wind, just for a taste of it, but like you I am still on that path of thorns to finding it. But damn girl, I love writing about it.

    1. Bella, something told me the theme of this post would sit well with you! No worries about us still being on the path. Something tells me it shall not elude us forever, sister. We shall find it! And I for one am happy that you love writing about it. No one write about love like you do! :)

    1. Kelly, I know, right? It’s part of their DNA to shoot down everything Hallmarky or which resembles a Kodak moment! hee hee! :)

  10. Aaah, if you love someone even when he says things like “ass sweat,” it must be true love. Your sense of romance is wonderful.

    In seriousness, seems to me that while the idea of “I love you just the way you are” makes for a good song lyric, and a good goal – not constantly trying to “fix” one’s partner, unconditional love among human beings simply isn’t possible (or positive). If it turns out you’re married to a closet serial killer or child molester, or someone who becomes abusive, verbally or physically… I dunno. As a parent, I think I would still love my offspring even if he turned in that direction, but he wouldn’t still have my unconditional support, that’s for sure.

    1. Beverly, I hear you, lady. Unconditional love is something that I find is too difficult to attain. And maybe that’s a good thing. You bring up excellent points regarding why it’s not positive. A mother’s love would be hard pressed if her child did take a wrong turn. I don’t even want to think what that’s like. And so I allow these thought to be replaced with the realization that “ass sweat” is as bad as it gets, isn’t it? True love indeed! :)

  11. “If you’re done with your coffee, let’s go. This fire is making my ass sweat.”

    —Bella, You. Have. The. Entire. Package.

    Your writing moves me with its beauty and then suddenly… makes me laugh my butt off.

    Agape Love**** When I think of this kind of love, God comes to mind…

    Love to you, sweeeeeet Bella.

    1. Kim, I like to think my writing is able to move you and then ground you with the reality that life tends to be. I’m over the moon that you like my writing, by the way! Your kind words mean the world to me, you know. And yes, God is the truest form of Agape love. After all, who else but Him could love us in spite of how flawed we are? Love to you, lovely lady! :)

  12. hhhahahhaha!! Dying laughing. As for the Greeks, I love how specific they were about their love. “Storge” (stor-gae) is the other one, a family-style loving bond. But yes, Agape is the most elusive, involving forgiveness and rising above. I first thought of my loving grandmother, but realized she too is Storge. I know my selfish self has a long way way to go.

    LOVE your new theme. Gorgeous!

    1. Lori, I’m so glad you like the new theme! Ah, Storge.. where would we be without our family bond? Nana definitely falls under Storge! Will you be joining the rest of us weary travelers as we search for agape? We leave at dawn! hee hee! :)

    1. Monica, he’s the element of “keeping it real.” Sadly, there are times when I don’t want reality to bite as much! But you’re right–he does make me laugh from time to time. And that’s a good thing. :)

  13. On the floor cracking up…oh, the possibility of agape was truly there, right?!! OH my this was great. Ass true so true..but oh, that moment for you was amazing. Oh thank you so much for your awesome are much too kind and I thank you so much for your wonderful words about my work. It truly means a great deal. Have a wonderful rest of the week and thank you for this moment by the fire! : )

    1. Shirley, so close and yet so far away! But you’re right–the possibility of agape was there! I’m delighted you enjoyed the post! In regard to my visit to your blog, you’re welcome. You know I love, love your illustrations! Have a great week, lady! :)

  14. Oh, a healthy fire! One would think that they’re all romantic and crackling and [the infamous blog word] LOVELY, but your SO oh-so-conveniently pointed out one of the major side effects: ass sweat.

    Here are a few more –

    – burning fire cheek [typically occurring on one side of the face]
    – overwhelming smoke inhalation [usually attributed to outdoor fires]
    – frozen flip side [when whichever part of you is facing away from the fire is exponentially more cold than the side of you lit by its warmth]

    On the romantic plus side, fires have a way of making you want to take off some of that excess winter clothing . . . :)

    1. Jayca, I love your dose of reality! Now that you mention it, I did experience the burning fire cheek! Oh my goodness, I shall never see fire the same way again! hee hee! :)

  15. Oh my, I did not see that coming. I thought this was so sweet, up until the punch line, but I have read your blog enough to ought to have known it was coming! It was still agape. The pure present moment of perfection. Beauitful… It may be hard for us, mere mortals that we are, to take for long. Love you, Bella!

    1. Jodi, did I catch you unaware or did you brace yourself before reading that last line? hee hee! Really? You think it was still agape? Methinks it had the potential to be agape. hee hee! Here’s hoping that we can experience it before leaving the human world. After that, I’m confident we will be in an eternal state of agape. Love you, Jodi! :)

  16. lady, you always move me and make me laugh!!, so hilarious dialogues!
    And I wish you enjoy that ‘agape’ moment you’re waiting for!, but if you don’t find it, don’t worry too much and enjoy whatever you have, so pretty funny moments!
    *Something you can read as a little languages joke: ‘ágape’ (mind the accent) means banquet or feast in Spanish!: this is something we can enjoy indeed!
    besos & fiesta

    1. Mrs. Allnut, your words bring joy to my heart because, indeed I can enjoy a banquet or feast! And the beautiful thing about that is that then I’ll be able to say that I’ve made agape’s acquaintance! Thank you for bringing this quick solution to the table! hee hee! I’m thrilled our conversations provide you with chuckles. I rest easy knowing I have brought laughter to your day. Besos y banquetes! :)

    1. Claire, and ain’t that the truth, sister! hee hee! If you were right there with me, I’m sure you felt the same sense of disappointment I did. But it may just be like you say–undoubtably, the clash of Mars and Venus! :)

  17. Love this, Bella. The ending totally surprised me, but it is exactly what would happen!

    I used to think I wanted unconditional love. I ached for it. Finally I realized that unconditional love is not at all what I’m looking for…never do I want to be accepted for all my faults so that I may more readily cozy up to them. Instead I wish to have unconditional trust. To know that the other is trustworthy and they can feel the same about me…is a beautiful thing.

    1. Annie, I’m so glad you liked the post! I couldn’t agree with you more–unconditional trust is something we should all be lucky to have. I speak from experience when I say that once a person has violated your trust, there is no going back. You never quite look at them the same way. For me, it’s the foundation of every relationship. All the way from the one’s you have with siblings to the romantic ones. Trust is the glue that holds us together. Here’s hoping we always have that, even if we never meet agape, Annie! :)

  18. Agape is when, during a quiet moment of togetherness by the fire your husband says, “If you’re done with your coffee, let’s go. This fire is making my ass sweat,” and you still love him anyway *sigh* It’s about unconditional acceptance, or so I’ve heard. It loves the unlovely. But it’s hard as hell, isn’t it?

    Maybe Shakespeare had it right:

    Love to faults
    is always blind,
    Always is
    To joy inclined.
    Lawless, winged,
    and unconfined,
    and breaks all chains
    From every mind.

    But I haven’t arrived yet. Still bound by anger and frustration sometimes.

    1. Oh Debra, you and I both, darling. You and I both. I love the Shakespeare quote. So poignant and fitting. You’ve again managed to enhance a post! Thank you, friend! I do agree. The element of love need be present if after basking in a fire’s warmth and exchanging loving gestures, this comes to a close with an ass sweat comment. Double grief. Do you think this is what nana meant when she said life wasn’t going to be easy? :)

  19. haha! Surprised , so funny! What a great post Bella! I love those moments when you don’t need to say anything, just a perfect gaze and silent moment.Clearly agape, you two have.

    1. Lady, I want to believe you. I really, really do! :) I too love the moments when we can simply sit in silence. It’s tiring to always have to do all the talking! hee hee! I’m thrilled you liked the post, friend! :)

    1. Ivana, someone who loves unconditionally would indeed embrace the fire remark as part of agape. Sadly, I’m not ready to do that just yet. hee hee! :)

  20. LOL Bella. OMG, I can’t catch my breath. That was a STORY. You taught me something, inspired me, created the perfect amount of tension and emotion and then wham!!! Ain’t life a B? Well, look at it this way, you are one step closer to agape…. You slay me! which is a really great compliment.



    1. Coco, I am honored to “slay” you! Girl, you crack me up! I’m delighted you liked the post and that it made you laugh. I aim to please so whenever a reader tells me I’ve managed to induce chuckles, I feel like I’ve accomplished my mission. Thank you for your kind words, friend. Hugs to you! :)

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