Who wants the joined-at-the-hip type of love?

cc licensed ( BY NC ND ) flickr photo shared by helen sotiriadis

Last night, the Significant Other and I were invited for coffee by acquaintances I’ve nicknamed the “kiss kiss” couple.

The nickname alone should give away the fact that these people are of the “joined at the hip” variety.

You now the type.

They’re the couple who’s always blowing kisses at each other, hugging for no reason, and finishing each other’s sentences.

Visits to their home result in my spending half the time in the bathroom–fighting off the need to hurl, or employing visualization to transport me to faraway places; places where I don’t have to hear them coo and whisper to each other.

I should clarify that the Significant Other originally met them while on a walking holiday in France.

A walking holiday?

Who the hell walks on a holiday?

Again, that should give you an inkling of how “eccentric” these people are; the Significant Other included.

But I digress.

Their names are Lou and Sue.

No, they’re not, but let’s pretend they are for the sake of this post.

From the moment I met Lou and Sue, I knew they would bring strife to our relationship.

They’re the kind of couple who sits so close to each other, anyone who doesn’t know them thinks they’re conjoined twins.

When Lou’s cold, Sue throws on a sweater, and when Sue’s hot, Lou takes off his shirt.

Whenever Sue leaves the room, Lou follows, and if Lou has to go to the bathroom, Sue goes with him.

Watching them makes me break out in hives.

The Significant Other, on the other hand, deems their behavior romantic, and labels mine cynical and childish.

But really, how many Kodak moments and PDA’s should we be forced to witness before opening the balcony door to jump to our death?

Sadly, it matters not how many times we visit Sue and Lou (thus far, only twice), we’re made to witness the same performance every time.

And I say performance because I have a hard time believing people like this really exist.

Lou cracks a joke we’ve heard at least three times, and Sue laughs her head off like he’s Steve Martin doing stand up.

Sue brings out a tray with coffee and store-bought cookies and Lou gushes like she’s serving orange duckling flambé.

Lou talks and Sue sits riveted on the edge of her chair.

Sue giggles and Lou says, “Your giggle is so cute!”

Witnessing the spectacle makes me dry heave, a reaction which results in frustrated sighs from the Significant Other.

Fortunately, leaving Lou and Sue’s stifles my desire to light myself on fire

Unfortunately, it compels the Significant Other to psychoanalyze my behavior.

“Does Lou and Sue’s loving relationship threaten and intimidate you?”

“Don’t you mean, does Lou and Sue’s loving relationship make me want to scratch my eyes out?”

“Is it so hard for you to believe that two people can care about each other like that?”

“Is it so hard for you to believe Sue and Lou might be under the influence of carbon monoxide poisoning?”

“Be cynical. It’s what you do best.”

“Be foolishly idealistic. It’s what you do best.”

I’m convinced Sue and Lou are the reason mainstream couples fight.

It’s like they use their “kiss kiss” behavior to purposefully wreak havoc in people’s relationships and laugh in the process.

I can almost hear Lou and Sue now.

Sue: “How long before they’re giving each other the silent treatment?”
Lou: About sixty seconds.
Sue: “I’m so glad we’re not like them.”
Lou: “I’m glad you don’t spend that much time in the bathroom.”

Imagining this scenario makes me want to bring brownies to Lou and Sue’s the next time we visit; brownies laced with laxatives.

That ought to show Lou how much time Sue can spend in the bathroom.

Do you know a Lou and Sue?

Disclaimer: This post is written for entertainment purposes only. I’m not hating on love, folks. I’m simply portraying how I see it from the other side of the room.


75 thoughts on “Who wants the joined-at-the-hip type of love?

  1. Bella!
    Hysterical as usual. You don’t disappoint. I know it is tongue and cheek, but really there is always so much to relationships we cannot see on the outside. So many couples appear one way and behind closed doors it is a whole other story. As a therapist, I get to hear the other stories and they would surprise. Talk about fodder for a blog post.
    Happy Holidays!

    1. Jodi, you get me. You really do! Thank you! I have to tell you that I couldn’t agree with you more. I know many, many people who live off appearances. It’s not till you’re sitting sharing a bottle of wine that the truth comes out! hee hee! I say, it’s better to be transparent. That way, people aren’t waiting to catch you in a lie! Happy holidays, lady! Love you! :)

  2. Lady Bella, I adore your reaction to Lou and Sue. I can imagine you doing all the things you mentioned doing while visiting this romantic couple ;) I do know such a couple and I make it a point never to visit them :) Happy holidays.

    1. Sulekha, I love how you’re able to gauge my reactions and imagine me reacting this way. And I promise you this is exactly I reacted! Oh my goodness, I couldn’t take it much longer! I only wish I didn’t have to accompany the Significant Other when he goes. After all, they’re his friends, not mine. But here’s a man who lives through protocol and sometimes it’s easier to endure Lou and Sue than him! hee hee! Happy holidays, love! :)

  3. I definitely know what you mean Bella. While the whole “finishing eachothers sentences” is super cute in movies, I don’t know that it’s actually that awesome in real life. I like my independence way to much to sacrifice it totally in my relationships with others.

    I’ve always been taught that you shouldn’t consider your Significant Other as your “other half.” Who wants half a person? That also means I can finish my own damn sentences :).

    1. Rachel, I’m echoing what you say, sister! The movies bring a whole kind of cute to this type of behavior but actually witnessing it gives me an “Ipecac” reaction. And heck yeah, we like our independence and don’t need a man finishing our sentences! Sing it, sister! I consider the Significant Other a complement to my life. He does not “complete me” like the cheesy Jerry McGuire would say. hee hee! Thanks for chiming in, lady! :)

  4. I wonder how real they are. I don’t know anyone like this in real life. Only in the movies. I agree with Rachel, I like my independence. I enjoy the companionship of a mate, but I don’t want someone stuck up my ass like Lou and Sue. I wonder if they will still be like that in 20 years.

    1. Sonja, hello and welcome! You know, I wonder the same thing–what will they be like in 20 years? With their kiss kiss behavior, it’s a miracle they don’t give each other sugar shock! I second what you’re saying–companionship is one thing, stuck up the ass is a whole different ball game! hee hee! If I’m still around, I’ll do a follow up blog post in ten year’s time! :)

  5. A long time ago, my hubby and I met a couple of newlyweds.

    “Are you happy?”
    “Only if you are. Because I could never be happy unless you were happy.”
    “But I could never be happy unless you were happy. Are you happy?”

    This went on for a while and it was just too sweet to stomach, but I bet it wore off after they’d been married for a while. We still quote them to each other and it always makes us chuckle.

    BTW… We are hoping to go on a walking vacation one of these years. Is it really that weird? Will we meet people like these happy couples? I think I still want to go.

    1. Shary, the Significant Other met these people while on a walking holiday in France. They were part of a large group and they walked through the south of France for 12 days. Twelve days! I would have bailed on the second day! Believe it or not, he still talks about that holiday–he loved it that much. We werent’ together at the time, thank God, and he seems to think the only way to see a country is if you walk like a nomad. Can you imagine having Sue and Lou along for the ride? OMG, no! I’m crossing my fingers you don’t meet anyone like them, but if you do, will you write a blog post about it, please? hee hee! I’m glad your friends have outgrown the silliness of being newlyweds. I can’t recall ever having been like that but then again, I’m a bit of a hard ass when it comes to the illusion, I mean, emotion called love. :)

  6. Great post, Bella! Just last night, JB and I were with a couple, who are actually dear friends, but they have a lot of Sue and Lou characteristics. When one of them arrived last night, the other ran to him and told him she missed him (they had been at work). I’ve kind of accepted that it’s just how they are, but it does get pretty puke-worthy at times.

    1. Oh Caryn, I feel your pain. I do! What is it with couples and the need to act like idiots? Color me cynical but I just can’t stomach the kiss kiss crap. A little, okay, but a whole evening of it? I’m seriously ready to cut my aorta with any sharp object within reach. Really. I’m thrilled you like the post, lady! :)

  7. Blech. Makes me wonder if one of them got caught cheating once, and now they’re stuck like glue to ensure it doesn’t happen again, and they’re doing the therapy the counselor recommended – positive feedback and verbal appreciation. I would have to question this as being real. As romantic as Alpha Hubby is, no no no. If he acted like that, I’d be suspicious!! We may be stuck at the hip because we enjoy each other’s company more than being around most other people but we are still both strong individuals. This was a super post and I’d join you in the bathroom for a hurling contest (smile). Merry Christmas to Miss Roxy Lee!!!

    1. Nan, Miss Roxy Lee is doing a jig at your holiday wishes! Thank you! You see, I want a relationship as solid as yours. And then the love with flow with a little kiss here and there. But like you mention, you have to both be strong individuals. If just one of you is needy, forget about it. I want to know that the Signficant Other doesn’t need constant validation and reassurance; that he doesn’t feel threatened if I say a man is hot. Seriously. That said, I’m glad we enjoy each other’s company and don’t need to put ourselves on display when in the company of others. Better he show me the kiss kiss behavior behind closed doors, eh Nan? hee hee! Merry Christmas to you and Alpha Hubby! :)

  8. YES and YES, they make me want to scratch out my eyeballs. Thank god I wasn’t there for this, but my kiss-kiss couple went out to dinner with another couple and when the overhead music came on with a late 80s love song, they looked deep into each other’s eyes and sang it to each other while practically sitting nose-to-nose, arms entwined… While Sitting Across From My Normal Friends!!! I’d have jabbed someone’s hand with a fork just so they’d jump and yell and call an ambulance. Gag me with a spoon. ha!

    1. bwhahaha! Now this example deserves a blog post, Lori! Just thinking about a situation like this makes me feel the nausea rise up from my belly! Yikes! “Gag me with a spoon!” ha ha! You crack me up, woman! :)

  9. Ah, Bella, you made me guffaw. I see this behavior as sort of rude. A couple can focus on each other at home, but when they’re with friends, they should be inclusive, i.e. direct their attention toward those friends and make them feel included, not excluded from their private, romantic little tete-a-tete.

    1. Jann, you are a paragon of wisdom. Yes you are. I wholeheartedly agree. If you’re going to have people over to your house, then act in a way that doesn’t make your guests feel awkward. And you know what makes it worse? That the Signficant Other thinks I’m the one that’s making it awkward! Are you kidding me? Maybe it’s cause I’m not one for PDA’s, but really, must you expose your guests to such saccharin displays of cooing? I’m just tickled pink you found the post funny, lady! :)

  10. Too funny!!!

    From the 4th sentence onward, I’m laughing and feeling you eyeballing them, girl! What silliness is that to be carrying on in front of company?! I shouldn’t go there but I’m gonna: I bet the sex ain’t good. There’s too much giggling going on. I can see them tickling each other for foreplay.

    I don’t think you’re being a cynic. I think it’s so beyond ridiculous to carry on that way in front of guests. A little touching and shows of affection are fine but when it’s overdone, something’s not quite right. The bathroom sounds like the best place to be. Maybe next time, pack yourself a good gossip magazine or crossword puzzle in your purse.

    1. Rachel, it’s gettin’ hot in here! Totsy, are you taking note? We might want to try this some time! Thanks for sharing, Rachel. I think. bwhahaha! :)

    2. Totsy, now why didn’t I think of the crossword puzzles and gossip magazine? That would surely have helped pass the time in the bathroom! hee hee! And yes, I’m totally in agreement–methinks things in the bedroom may be lacking when folk feel they have to compensate in this manner! And where are their manners, cooing and gurgling like rabbits in heat? Lordy! Thank you for reaffirming I’m not a cynic. I hear that too much from loved ones! And if I made you laugh, then I know this post has a shot at being funny! Thank you, lady! :)

    3. I can’t get with the tickling either. It was something off the top of my head. That actually turns some people on? Or just Rachel? (giving her a long side glance)

    4. bwhahaha! Totsy, I love Rachel, but I’m siding with you on the tickling! And joining you in the long side glance! Aw, Rachel! hee hee! :)

    5. Totsy, dare I tell Rachel we’d actually consider putting the tickling to the test? I’m game if you are! Rachel, we’ll have to get back to you! hee hee! I’m delighted you like the post, lady! :)

  11. What is she doing in a bathroom with him? Does he need to be supervised? You wrote “Watching them makes me break out in hives”, I am breaking in hives reading this! Hehehe.

    1. Ariana, I needed you to be my wing woman last night! I swear, if you had been there, we would have left ten minutes into the night and had a nice wine somewhere away from the psychotic hush hush whispering! :)

  12. I don’t really enjoy seeing such behavior, but it doesn’t bother me all that much either, unless the couple does it to the point of completely ignoring my presence — in which case I’d use the first opportunity to tell them bye-bye and leave.

    Now you reminded me that some people think of me and SO as a joined-at-the-hip couple, even though we don’t blow kisses at each other in public (actually, we don’t do it at all), don’t hug each other in public, don’t finish each other’s sentences, and sure as hell don’t follow each other to the bathroom. :)

    1. Ivana, I think there are couples that are of the joined-at-the-hip variety who don’t necessarily have to reaffirm their love every second of the day. These couples I can take, it’s just the other kind; the kind that stares into each other’s eyes, all the while professing undying love for each other. Yes, it’s an exaggeration but I seriously feel this way when I’m watching their little interludes. The Significant Other and I will hold hands when we walk down the street, but that’s about it. Happy holidays to you! :)

  13. These types of people are very annoying! I completely agree with you that it’s not real. And chances are, couples like that end up divorcing. Maybe that’s why my marriage works. We’re still close of course, but we like our distance too. Keeps us happier that way.

    1. Leah, and I have to say that what you seem to have is what I call a healthy relationship. You have just enough closeness but still have your independence. And I think that’s the way it should be. I’m just glad last night’s visit wasn’t very prolonged. I think next time, I’m going to feign being sick! :)

  14. It was fun to read this post in the morning, have my day and realize the post was still with me as I bopped around town buying xmas presents and visiting a city park and just enjoying the early winter sunshine. I did laugh when I first read it, but then I thought what really stuck with me about your words was their fierceness and intensity. To me, that is interesting, it made me wonder what was underneath all that, though I’m not into psychoanalyzing. But in my own writing I find intensities of any sort are like trail guides, I love to follow them into the unknown terrain of my prose. They seem to possess a sense of direction all their own.

    On another note, when I’m in a group and everyone seems to be so in one accord, but wrongly so, it tends to make me feel insane too….like you seriously want to rip through the oppressively ridiculous, farce-like atmosphere. Because inside you know it isn’t real. I could see that happening in your piece.

    1. Patrice, indeed your comment is a great way to start my Christmas Eve morning! You go, Mrs. Freud! I love, love it! And how did you get inside my head like that? I like to think of my writing as humorous but I still aim to convey a message; the sharing of a discovery. And like you, I’m not down with hypocrisy. We should be transparent; striving to show the real us at all times, not putting on a show for anyone’s benefit. I have little tolerance for the “plastic” people. I’m delighted you “discovered” so many hues in this post, lady! Thank you for sharing them with me! :)

  15. They sound obsessed, if you ask me. Perhaps they’re afraid their relationship will quickly unravel if they stop with the overkill. Tell S.O. that I like your cynical self very much. Thank heavens your cynical, and not the kind that gets my gag reflex going. ;)

    1. Monica, your message has been delivered and it was received with a “grunt,” which basically means, “I agree even if I’m not smiling.” hee hee! It’s funny you mention the unraveling of relationships, because at times I think that’s what many couples think; that if they’re not sucking each other’s face off, the love will say bu-bye. Oh my, what a tangled web we weave, eh, sister? :)

    1. Kirstin, I’m with you, sister! I say we start a revolution! Down on touchy feely round the clock! We’re okay with a little bit, but spare us the overkill! The sisterhood roars! hee hee! :)

    1. Sandra, trust me, I’m not pawing the Significant Other in public but I have no trouble turning into catgirl behind closed doors! So while you may not be seeing it, I promise you, it’s still happening there! :)

  16. –Hilareous. Sickening. Weird.

    No. I dont’ believe it. Not. At. All.

    I think once they are not around other couples (putting on a show), they probaby fight like hell.

    Usually when something seems too good to be true…. IT IS.

    Bella, I just Loooove youuuuu. Xx Kiss for Rox. x

    Happy Christmas.

    1. Kim, thank you for echoing something I’ve always believed–things that seem too good to be true, usually are! Oh yeah! Show me a couple who doesn’t fight, and I’ll shut up. No I won’t, but really, “constructive” fighting is healthy for relationships. I can’t envision a life where everything is the color of cotton candy. I’d get diabetes and die a slow death. No can do, lovely sister. No can do. Love you, lady! Kisses for you from Roxy Lee! Merry Christmas to you and your family! :)

  17. Gag.
    As usual, your post is hilarious.
    Loved the bit about the walking vacation – Who walks on a vacation?
    And this: I’m convinced Sue and Lou are the reason mainstream couples fight.
    Didn’t have a Lou and Sue moment today, but a couple did visit us: one of those couples who make you take a real hard look at yourself and your husband and realize what a wrinkled, unkempt mess you really are.

    1. Kelly, thank you! I’m delighted you like the post! Kelly, we know a couple like the one that visited you too! When they leave, I feel like I should burn whatever clothes I have on and buy a better wrinkle cream! The woman always looks like she’s jumping off the cover of Vogue and her man, like he should be featured on GQ. In the meantime, the Significant Other and I are left looking and feeling like road kill. Suddenly, my man feels like he needs to “work out” and I feel like I should be applying honey to my face for a natural face mask! hee hee! :)

  18. I love this post! I know a similar Lou and Sue. I always thought how fake they seemed to be. Now today, after about 35 years of marriage for them, Sue has found a job that takes her out of town 5 days a week. She LOVES her job! Wonder why??

    1. Indeed, Nina, we wonder why! Perhaps the poor woman was shrouded in confusion and finally, after 35 years, the mist has lifted! I say, better late than never! Kudos to her for making a run for it! hee hee! I’m thrilled you liked the post, lady! :)

  19. Egads, pass me some smelling salts. Whatever happened to individuality and having your own identity?

    Lou and Sue are going to suck the life out of each other! I would have to scratch my eyes out too!

    Great post Bella!

    1. Justl, I’m beaming with pride that you approve! Thank you! I’m afraid that you are correct in your observation–Lou and Sue are going to literally suck the life right out of each other. I just hope it doesn’t happen on those odd occasions when the Significant Other insists we visit! hee hee! :)

  20. LOL! Very entertaining post. ;-) I would be curious to see what happens if you decide to do an experiment and try the Lou and Sue behavior on you Significant Other for one week. What would happen, I wonder? Perhaps, Roxy will write a post about what she thinks of it. LOL! :-D

    1. bwhahaha! Paz, you tickle my funny bone every time! I think if I gave the Significant Other the “Sue and Lou treatment,” he’d be dead in a week! Most of the time, a little goes a long way. Not to mention that I ain’t got that much sugar in me! hee hee! :)

  21. The ‘Lous and Sues’ of this world, thankfully, are few and far between! They’re so trying to those of us who aren’t that “demonstrative” in our affections. I’ve found that couples can have a deep, abiding love for one another without that sort of “affectation”! Thanks for a good chuckle. Maybe they’d be easier to take if you focused on their behavior as what it appears, a show.”

    1. Debbie, you are forever wise, you know that? I think that next time, God forbid, that we visit, I shall try to view Sue and Lou in the manner you are recommending. Who knows, I might find it entertaining and not nauseating! And gosh you make sense when you say people like that are trying for the mainstream humans! I totally agree, lady! I’m delighted to have made you chuckle with this tongue in cheek post! :)

  22. Good gosh, I do. And I can’t stand them. Not that I’m being cynical, jaded, or hating on anyone, even, but you’re right– they’re the reason why couples break up, marriages are dissolved, etc. Idealism is soooo not appropriate for marriage/ a relationship. I mean, it’s great that Lou and Sue (who sound like almost the same person) found each other and that they love each other to death. I have an acquaintance who is convinced that she NEEDS to be happy before she goes to bed every night or else she goes into full anxiety mode. FOR REALS. Her idea of happiness is being with a man who will love her and treat her like a queen ALL THE TIME, and want to have a litter of children that they will both love and raise in some sort of 1950s illusion household. I just hope she finally gets hit in the face by reality soon.

    1. Laura, I’m afraid that when your friend gets hit on the face by reality, it’s going to be the end of her. Poor thing. I gave the couple the names of Lou and Sue because, like you mention, they sound like the same person–and the act the same way. Personally, I hate strife and will try to do damage control before turning in, but if it’s not possible, then so be it. It is what it is. I’m not going into panic mode any time soon. hee hee! I say, keep it real, eh, Laura? :)

  23. Loved your post and yes I know such a couple and feel it’s all an act and they probably go at each other’s throats when no one is around. Me touchy feely with my insignificant other? Not a chance! Hello, why do I need to touch, hug or kiss to show others what he means to me..as long as he is an excellent father, which he is, that’s good enough for me…oh and pays the bills..LOL.

    Your posts continue to entertain me and yes, the hives thing I can relate to, although I often wish I would be drunk enough to throw my shoe at one of them…keep up the good work!

    1. Eve, I think your man is most definitely covering the most important bases–fatherhood and bill paying! hee hee! Wish I we were served alcohol when we visit Sue and Lou since I feel it would take the edge off the “pain” of having to witness the debacle! ha! I can see you throwing your shoe at one of these two! I’m happy you like the post, lady! :)

  24. Of course and as always you make me laugh so hard!
    I can’t stand all that lovey do-bey crap and I’m not being hateful, just expressing my point of view.
    As a Latina women, I kiss everyone I know on the cheeks and I hug and kiss my daughters all the time but when I’m in a relationship I believe that the over the top PDA in front of others is not necessary and at times it appears fake (to me).
    Its like the actors or musicians that talk a lot about the wonders of their relationships and are all over each other just to broke up 3 months later; its not real life!
    I mean, there are times that you want to strangle your significant other and because you love him/her you don’t do it (besides I hear that jail sucks) so for me this behavior is not natural!

    1. Ofelia, sing it sister! You have no idea how many times I’ve had to quell the desire to strangle the Significant Other! Is it love which prevents me from doing it or the fear of landing in jail? I think sometimes it’s one, and other times, it’s the other! hee hee! I read your comment and think of the days when I kissed people every time I saw them. Now, I kiss people when I meet them for the first time. It’s the Spanish custom!Here’s to keeping you laughing in the New Year, sister! :)

  25. Oh Gosh, Bella, yes, I actually know Sue and Lou indeed! The Sue I know isn’t called Sue in real life either but I just go with your choice of names because it makes everything easier to explain. My Sue used to be my best friend all the way through primary school, through secondary school and even half-way through our studies. She moved away, I went abroad, but our friendship continued to be very close. And then she met Lou.
    Don’t get me wrong, Sue’s Lou is awesome, too, but fact is, for two and a half years I have talked to Sue only a few times. I can count on two (or maybe even one?) hands the number of times we saw each other (despite the fact that we now live only 2 hours away from each other, a relatively short distance given that I used to live at the other end of the planet at a time). All that time we only talked on the phone twice. And one time, I realised half-way through the latest gossip/girl talk/tales of relationship problems that Lou was eavesdropping on us. Obviously you can argue whether he was actually eavesdropping – after all Sue knew that he was listening in all the time.
    Anyway – there’s nothing Lou and Sue don’t do together and subsequently my friendship to Sue suffered because sometimes you just need your “girl friend” to be just that – a person you can talk to from girl to girl. And not a person to talk to from girl to girl and second girl’s lover.
    More annoying even that my Lou and Sue couple is one of those kiss kiss couples you describe here. ANNOYING! My friends describe me as a romantic person and I don’t mind the occassional kiss in public etc. – but too much is just too much.
    (Hope I didn’t bore you with too many details of my Sue and Lou couple, but you seem like the person who understands me. ;) Looking forward to reading some more entertaining stories about your acquaintances. AND: you should totally go for the brownies, next time!)

    1. Sabrina, I loved reading you Lou and Sue story! I’m sorry your friendship with Sue has suffered because of Lou. I think it’s horrible when women let their men come between them and their sisters. I mean, we can give men their place, but like you mention, there are times when we need our space too; without constant supervision and eavesdropping. My word, a man eavesdropping? Now that’s just tacky! I can relate to your pain, sister. And I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. I feel very uncomfortable having to witness these overt affectionate displays. After all, there’s a time and a place for everything. Don’t you think? Now where was that brownie recipe again? hee hee! :)

    1. Rachel, you have no idea how wonderful it is to read that you find this a great place to be! Thank you for that! And I’m on my way to read about the award! Hip, hip, hooray! :)

  26. Oh GOD I do~One of my good friends used to be perfectly normal and then she turned into this!In the midst of a conversation I find myself talking to the wall as she is busy snogging the guy,oh well!That is insulting and disturbing damnit.
    And here’s the magical moment-I told it to their face and she wreaked havoc.Yup,that’s how I roll.

    1. Sweta, good for you for calling it like you see it! I wish I had the same courage! Or maybe it’s knowing the outcome is not going to be a positive one–especially since they’re originally friends of the Signficant Other, you know? Either way, I’m glad we only go there once a year or so. Thank goodness for small miracles! :)

    1. Girl, we need to start a club, you and I. The cynical slash childish grown women club! Come on, what do these silly partners know? They see what they want to see and hear only what they want to hear. Anything else gets dubbed cynical or childish, which is fine by me as long as I know my truth. I’m grateful to have provided you with a chuckle. Like Tom Cruise, I can now say, mission accomplished! :)

  27. I know the nausea you have to endure! My mother, at the age of 71 decided to have an affair with a married guy. She eventually managed to persuade him that it was his “Christian duty” to marry her if he loved her and that it would be a sin not to do so. A week before she married him she casually mentioned him in a telephone conversation. I didn’t even know he existed! At such short notice and because I live in a different city I could not make the wedding,( not that I was invited). When I did meet him, bless his little soul, he was so inarticulate, uninteresting and weird in conversation that I had no choice to ignore him every time he opened his mouth because whatever he said had zero to do with the topic of conversation. The only time he made sense when he or anyone spoke about his art (he is an artist). None of this was a problem to me really, I was not the one married to him. Although I seriously questioned my mother’s sanity to have married someone who looked as though he had crapped his pants when he walked when my father (deceased) was a handsome, successful and interesting military attache.
    Here’s the thing that got my goat. She seriously believes that they have “become one”. It is impossible to meet her somewhere for a cup of coffee, or to visit her and go for a simple walk without this simpleton having to go with her clinging to his hand for dear life. They literally don’t even fetch the mail without going “together”. Because he is incapable of conversation with his nonsensical mumbling nonsense she tries to get everyone in the room to talk about him and his freaking painting so that he can be the centre of attention and not feel left out of conversation.
    I have not been able to have a private talk to my mother for five years because as far as she is concerned there is nothing that can be said that cannot be said in front of him. Never mind that I did not want to have private conversations about my personal life with my mother in front of a complete stranger, she simply believed that all four her children and extended family should suddenly accept this fool as “the head of the family”.
    I suppose it sounds as though I hate him. To tell you the truth I really hate the whole situation and every time she refers to this inept brain challenged person as my father I want to physically throw up. The fact that she has taken on his disabled walk trait, his mumbling and nonsensical talk has made her a complete stranger to everyone who knew her. She does nothing, has no interests of her own, does nothing that does no revolve around him and The neausea is ofcourse exacerbated by the constant stupid kisses they blow each other when we are around, presumably to teach us what happy couples should look like. Oh God, the nausea ad nauseum…….

    1. OMG, lady, and just when I thought I had a bad! Your situation trumps mine by a mile! I feel your pain. It’s always difficult when our widowed parents find other spouses that don’t measure up to the deceased parent. I’m lucky enough to say I’ve never endured that, but one of my good friends finds herself in a situation similar to yours. Her father passed away three months ago and her mother has moved in with a neighbor that is ten years her junior. The age difference wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for the fact that her mother is financially well off. This has lead her family to believe that the man is in it for the money. Oh, what a tangled web we weave! I wish you all the luck in the world! Thanks for sharing your story and please don’t hate me when I tell you that your comment made me chuckle! The visual was quite effective! :)

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