Do soul mates exist?

cc licensed ( BY ) flickr photo shared by seyed mostafa zamani

Yesterday, Angela, an old family friend, called to give me some bad news.

Her husband of fifty years had passed away.

They buried him on Friday.

As I learned of his last days, her reaction to his demise, and her confession of feeling suicidal, I didn’t know what to say.

However, knowing that at a time like this, there’s nothing you can say to make the person feel better, I opted to listen attentively and not say much of anything at all.

Through her tears, she managed to tell me that she felt lost, incomplete.

Her soul mate had died and she didn’t know how to get through life without him.

I could literally feel her pain and it was heart wrenching.

Later that night, I pondered Angela’s words.

Soul mates.

I was first introduced to the concept in my freshman year of college, when I studied The Symposium by Plato.

A novice to the likes of Greek philosophy, I was fascinated by the recreation of the philosophic discussion.


I sought to answer how such an abstract emotion had the ability to hold us in its grasp; to seek its meaning and origin.

It appeared the Greeks were just as fascinated and one after another, they strived to define it.

Yet it was Aristophanes’ explanation of love that held me captive.

People in love, argued Aristophanes, felt whole.

He elaborated how the original people were very powerful.

With doubled bodies, joined at the back, they represented three sexes: the all male, all female, and the androgynous, half male and half female.

However, it was their attempt to scale heaven that resulted in Zeus cutting them in half.

The divided souls were then dispersed; left to search for their other half.

The romantic in me wanted to believe that this story beautifully represented our quest to find our soul mates, to discover who we were attached to.

I wondered if Zeus’s actions were the reason that single people felt incomplete.

And if feeling “complete” when in the presence of a loved one, meant that we had been successful in finding our soul mate.

I was consumed with these uncertainties and needless to say, I spent most of my college years searching for “the one.”

One after another, candidates were eliminated.

Some didn’t make me tingle.
Others left me wanting.
And others, simply didn’t feel like a “right fit.”

When I married the first time, I was sure I had found my soul mate.

Fourteen years later, I was convinced I had wasted a good chunk of my life with a soul who was most definitely not my other half.

At this point, I gave up on the theory of soul mates and instead, strived to feel complete on my own.

Damn Plato and his symposium.

Damn Aristophanes.

I wished with all my heart that I’d never given him and his theory the time of day.

One afternoon, as I ranted about how lucky I was to not be on the soul mate quest, nana interrupted me.

Bella, she said, “You’re going about this all wrong. You’re convinced that a soul mate has to be someone you’re romantically interested in and nothing could be farther from the truth. A soul mate can be a sister, a friend, a lover. It can be anyone you love, feel a connection to, or who has a positive influence on your life.”

With this explanation, nana rocked my world.

I instantly knew my sister was my “soul sister” and nana was my “karmic” soul mate.

Gone was the notion that there was only one soul mate for every person.

It was replaced with the belief that soul mates didn’t necessarily have to be romantic partners.

Instead, they could be people who grounded you, brought out the best in you, made you believe you weren’t alone.

Years later, nana confessed that my grandfather had been her soul mate.

He was the reason she never remarried.

In her words, “One couldn’t replace that which was irreplaceable.”

Reflecting on nana’s words allowed me to understand how Angela felt; to understand why she thought her life was over.

After all, how do you go through life without the one who makes you whole?

Do you believe in soul mates?


74 thoughts on “Do soul mates exist?

    1. Bianca, nana would be happy that you agree! And like you mention, there is guaranteed outcome. At times, we just have to follow fate’s lead! :)

  1. I think Nana is brilliant. I’ve had a number of soulmates in my life, and am hopeful I will have more. Sometimes I think of them, my bestfriend in middle school, a grandmotherly friend from church who let me lay at her feet (on her shag carpet!) and cry when I was lost in high school, a few teachers who believed in me, my husband. When my husband didn’t get me I learned that you can either hate someone for not understanding or you can not get too hung up about it and go about finding someone else who can. This was a torturous lesson to learn as I interpretted a lack of total rapport as a sign I wasn’t with my “soulmate”. What I’ve been amazed by is how rapport can deepen through the years…it’s mysterious, and can completely surprise you.

    I think accepting myself as my own soulmate was helpful too. But in the end I realized my soul wanted to spend a lot of time visiting with other people ;)

    1. Patrice, how utterly wonderful to have had all those soul mates! I especially love how you say you’ve accepted yourself as your own soul mate. Brilliant. I also love how you mention that bonding at times can deepen through the years. That’s what keeps me in my actual relationship. I don’t want to see myself too far in the future, but I cross my fingers that somehow the emotion will deepen and that this will be it. :)

  2. I’ve never felt comfortable with the idea that there’s only one right person for each of us and that we’re doomed to disappointment and loneliness if we don’t find “the one.” I do believe in deep, sometimes inexplicable, connections, though, and I like the notion that we can have several soul mates that we might find in our relatives, friends or romantic interests. It’s a much more hopeful notion. Even so, the thought of losing my husband fills me with dread. It’s a relationship I don’t think I could ever replace, so maybe he’s my soul mate after all.

    1. Shary, with a feeling that deep rooted, methinks you may have already found your soul mate! I agree with you–there is no “one” person for each of us. I believe we’re destined to go through a series of trial and error before finding the person we’re meant to be with. And if that doesn’t happen, the journey of coming into contact with people who make us better human beings is equally gratifying! :)

  3. When I was very young (like 8 -14), I was a romantic child. I believed in ‘soul mates’ at at time this notion was rendered corny and stupid. Now, I am not sure if there are soul mates, or if we just have to determine that somebody IS our soul mate. The picture is getting fuzzier for me. But it’s still all right, I’m not cynical; I’m still holding on (a little) to that childhood belief. Without all the anxiety from family and friends, finding out if a man I meet next could be a soul mate can be intriguing. :)

    You’re right on making ourselves complete – or at least, near completion. (I read this from my spiritual guru. We might need to give a little room to the other people who’ll contribute to the fragments we need, perhaps?)

    Your Nana’s words are so true. A soul mate could be anyone, not just a lover.

    (And Bella, I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss.)

    1. Claudine, thank you. He was a wonderful man and I’ve known him since I was 17 years old. I love the idea of a romantic, childish you! How adorable! I think some of us want to believe in fairy tales and Prince Charming. At least for me, that’s how it started. I believed I would meet a prince and we would live happily ever after. Boy, was I wrong! That said, kissing a lot of frogs has taught me a lot about life and myself. At times I let cynicism get the best of me, but then something happens to restore my faith. I think your spiritual guru is on to something! :)

  4. This is something to think about… I went through most of my adolescence believing in soul mates. When I married, I married the man I thought Fate had brought to me (for many “obvious” reasons) despite the fact that we didn’t get along seamlessly. Downright argued all the time. I often wondered about another guy that I’d been seeing off and on, and through my early years of marriage I’d wonder about him and if he’d been my soul mate. Was it possible to love two men at the same time? I think it is. I think each man gave me something, and had I married him (the one who got away), I would have wondered about the man I ended marrying. The OTGA and I still email once or twice a year, to catch up. There’s still that fond connection, but I don’t wonder what it would have been like to have ended up with him. We make our own destinies and do the best we can with what we know.

    1. Jenn, I think it’s our desire to bond with another person on such an emotional level which brings us to believe there is someone out there capable of “completing” us. Nevertheless, I’ve long since stopped believing that just one person has the ability to be a part of who we are. For me, it’s everyone that contributes to my growth, my state of joy, my joie de vivre. I have also faced the predicament of wondering if one can love two people at the same time, but alas, fate has always steered me in the direction of one. Sadly, fate hasn’t always been right! :)

  5. Oh, this post makes me think. I can’t say I have an answer, but I do believe that people come into our lives to teach us different lessons, and that that may be my best definition of a soul mate…those people who stay around, who we learn from, or who float in and out of our lives when we need them.

    1. Mamawolfe, I think you’re spot on. Most definitely, I also believe the different people who touch our lives and allow us to prosper, all fit the definition of soul mate. Some are with us for a reason, others for a season, and if we’re lucky, for a lifetime. :)

  6. I love Nana’s perspective. She’s right. Many of us remain perpetually single and we end up finding our soul mates among our girlfriends and in my case, my daughter. And, I love when I find myself connecting with a blogger friend, like you. You are so awesome, Bella!

    1. Monica, I think girlfriends and daughters make wonderful soul mates! I don’t have many close friends but the ones I do have, I love like sisters. Thank you for your wonderful words, amiga. I’m delighted and honored to be your friend. You’re a phenomenal woman! :)

  7. I loved this Post, as much as i loved what Nana said, because I know she is right. I have been trying to explain this concept to a friend some time ago saying that a soul mate is not necessary a lover. I had to explain this to defend my self for being accused to have unhealthy connection to my friend when i say i can share anything with her, talk about anything with her and when we understand each other so well. It is not even necessary that we have only ONE soul mate, we can have more than that. I can feel what my soul mate feels, and endure her pain and worries as if they were mine, and she can do the same.
    It’s a wonderful post. Thank you.<3

    1. Hello Nikky! I hope that one day we won’t have to explain ourselves like you had to; that people will elect to respect our boundaries, choices, and life decisions. Sadly, this can only come when people stop judging and condemning others. I’m so glad you’ve found a soul mate in your friend. Life has taught me that good friends are hard to come by but if and when we’re lucky to find one, we should hang on tight, especially if they’re friends like the one you describe! Good for you! I’m delighted you like the post! :)

  8. Bella, yes I do believe in soul mates; I can’t imagine the world without my love, though he’s not so romantic & often our opinion mismatch.

    Love your post, love your discussion.

    1. Hello Sasmita! I’m so happy you enjoyed the post and the discussion! My readers are the ones who make this blog such a wonderful place for all of us to meet! Thank you! Ah, your love–not of the romantic variety, eh? I find that sometimes men behave this way. I find it’s often the result of societal conditioning. The important thing is you’ve obviously learned to value his virtues and accept his weaknesses. And that you love him against all odds! :)

  9. I don’t really believe in a soul mate, certainly not the kind which “makes me complete” — I’m complete on my own. On the other hand, there definitely are people who help us become better, not by force, we simply want to better when we’re with them.

    As for your friend feeling like a part of her was missing, do you know of the Kirlian photography? It’s like a photogram made with electricity; there was speculation that it actually showed our auras. Anyway, i remember reading about it somewhere, about long-term couples, how their auras mix up with each other after they stay together for a long time (the Kirlian photography showed that), and, after one of them dies, on the Kirlian photography it looks like a huge chunk of the aura of the partner who survived is missing.

    1. Ivana, I loved learning about the Kirlian photography from you! How fascinating! I’m sure a lot of widowers would show chunks of their aura missing once a partner is gone. How sad, eh? Thank you for sharing that with us! :)

  10. Nana is a wise woman! This is what I believe wholeheartedly! Ivana, I agree with you, too. They are part of us, not complete us. We are all one, not all parts with something missing.
    Cool about the Kirlian photography!

    1. Jodi, I too believe that these special people complement us. For a very long time now I’ve learned that I am who I am because of me. For damn sure no man completes me, but like you and Ivana mention, a special someone can add to our essense, enhance it. We are definitely going to have to check out the Kirlian photography! :)

  11. I believe in soul mates, and it was even before I had read Dr Brian’s book on love and soul mates :) Your Nana is very wise and so right. I too have a friend who understands me completely, she gets me and feels with me. I have a whole bunch of soul mates in my life, my dad, my sister, my friend, my love and god.
    Enjoyed reading your post, thanks for sharing.

    1. Sulekha, love, I have to check out Dr. Brian’s book on love and soul mates! It sounds like a wonderful read. I love how you include God as one of your soul mates. I hadn’t considered that until I read your comment! And I definitely agree. Now there’s a soul mate I could never live without! :)

  12. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, Bella. Her sense of loss must be hard to bear….

    I used to believe in soul mates, Bella…at first, like you, I thought it had to be the person I was romantically connected with, and then I thought, like you Nana said, it could be friends, family….but somewhere down the line I realized that only I can complete me. Does that sound selfish? I wrote about it here:

    1. Corinne, I’m going to check out your post on this subject. You know how enlightened I always leave your place and I’m looking forward to reading what you’ve written on the subject. I don’t think you’re selfish at all. We all have different ways of seeing things; different perspectives, and that doesn’t mean any one is right or wrong. We have to believe what is true for us, without allowing others to pressure or influence our thinking. After reading Sulekha’s comment, I realize that God could very well be a soul mate. I feel a sense of completion, of blanket security when I pray or speak to Him. As for the mere mortals, I love my family. Each of them adds to my very essence and either brings out the best or worst in me. Thank you for you support, lady! I will definitely click on your post, friend! :)

  13. Such a poignant, beautiful post about your friend’s loss.

    As for soul mates, I believe they are those souls with whom we have shared other lifetimes. I have many soul mates in my life, and while each of them are completely different, there is one similarity they share: when I met each of them for the first time, I “recognized” them; I “knew” them.

    1. Ellen, I love that you sense having known your soul mates before, that you recognize them. Somehow this reminds me of deja vu. My mother also affirms having the feeling of having known significant people in what she too deems previous lives. In the beginning, I admit I had a hard time wrapping my head around this, but after she explained how she felt, what she sensed, it seemed to make sense. Thank you for your kind words, lady! :)

  14. ***The divided souls were then dispersed; left to search for their other half. **

    OOOO, Bella,
    Yes. My soul mate was murdered (as you know) We were almost one. Our hearts beating together. She was me. I was her. She made me a better human being.

    I feel less w/out my sister. I think I always shall. Always.

    I LOVE that your sister is your soulmate. I do! I do!

    I honestly know, without hesitation, that I will never have that connection again in this lifetime..

    but of course, I will see her again.

    –I look forward to that meeting with pleasure.

    Love to you dearest. I adore your blogs, writing, encouragement, comments, support, love, humour, talent, positive spirit, non-judgement, & inspiration… X

    1. Kim, I love you! You are one of the sweetest person I know and your kind words always serve to lift my spirits. I’m well aware of the special role Kay played in your life and can understand how she’s the perfect example of our you can’t replace the irreplaceable. I close my eyes and wonder what that meeting between both of you ladies will be like and I get goosebumps! The good kind! I can only imagine how much love and joy will envelop such a moment! I can only hope that if I make my way to heaven someday, I will encounter the both of you! Hugs and kisses for you, lady! :)

  15. I totally agree with your nana. A soul mate definitely does not have to be a romantic partner.

    However, your entry has sparked a thought in my mind that I had never considered before. I’ve always believed that you should be whole, or complete, on your own before diving into a committed romantic relationship. If this is the case, does that mean you can be your own soul mate?

    1. Rachel, nana would love that you agree with her! Patrice had the wonderful insight of pointing out that we can be our own soul mate. And doesn’t it make sense to feel whole, to feel complete as a single entity? Methinks yes. My belief of soul mates is that they add to our character; bring out the best in us; encourage us to reach our full potential. Imagine the possibilities! :)

  16. I’m sorry for your friend’s loss, Bella.

    I have never really been a believer in soul mates. I do believe there is a person who is a wonderful fit for you, who you love, cherish, etc. But I don’t necessarily believe that he/she is the *only* one or that person was sent to you by the “fates.” If you didn’t meet that person, I believe you could find someone else who you felt that connection to as well. That might not make sense and I’m sure sounds terribly unromantic, but I’ve just never been able to use the word soul mates when it comes to romantic partners. However, I have used the expression “friend soul mate” so I am totally on board with Nana!

    1. Caryn, thank you for your kind words. I made the mistake of thinking soul mates were exclusively romantic partners. As a result, I wasted a lot of time searching for the one man who would make me feel special. What a mistake that was! Many years later, plus a divorce under my belt, I came to realize only I have the power to make myself happy. And no, I don’t think your explanation sounds unromantic. I think it makes you sound grounded and sure of who you are. :)

  17. Bella, your nana is one wise woman! I don’t buy in 100% with the idea of soul mates. I tend to believe that “whole” people, looking to enhance their wholeness, find other “whole” people, and the two share a deep, abiding connection. This isn’t necessarily a man/woman thing; it can be with a child, a friend, a co-worker, etc. Haven’t you ever met people you think you must have known in a previous life, they were such a “good fit” for you? I have, and it can be wonderful. Perhaps it’s “best” when it’s with a spouse (my own parents had this connection for sixty years, and my mom, too, was lost when Daddy died). Perhaps I’m just being “jaded” because my marriage wasn’t like that!

    1. Debbie, I don’t think you’re being jaded. I think you have your own experience of how soul mates apply in your life. Nana’s soul mate was my grandfather. But this isn’t the case for me or either of my sisters. I find it’s like you mention–different soul mates for different people. I too have experienced the “good fit” with folks that have touched my life. For some reason I feel like I’ve known them forever even if I’ve only spent days in their company. Like you said, this must be a previous life connection! :)

  18. I’m so sorry for your friend, too. I can only imagine the pain she is feelings.

    I 100% believe in soul mates. I think you can love many people to an extent, but only one is your true soul mate. Like Ellen, I go by that feeling of just KNOWING someone. There’s a feeling, a vibe, and you just click right away like you’ve known each other forever, which I believe is the case. I’m just very cosmic that way.

    Soul mates “get” each other like no one else does.

    So, I believe you can have many people in your life that you knew in your past life, but I think a true soul mate would be the lover type. “The one” that you search and search for. Perhaps that is why so many marriages do not last, because it was love that never felt completely right, and not the true soul mate connection.

    1. Michael Ann, I can understand where you’re coming from. I feel many people search for their true soul mate and sadly, die without ever meeting him or her. I spent much time doing just this and with my first marriage, I thought I had found him. Tragically, this wasn’t the case. I’ll be honest when I say I’ve abandoned that quest forever. Instead, I revel in the feelings special people provide me with. They’re the ones that make you feel like you’re the best you can be. I love that your cosmic! :)

  19. I totally believe in soul mates. And that anyone who helps you be all you can be fits into that category. My husby, parents, friends and children all fit. They have challenged me. Loved me. And helped me stretch and grow and be everything that I can. And recently, I have discovered a new circle of soul mates through blogging. Here is a group who understands. Encourages and judges not. So, for me, it’s been a matter of soul mates. Plural. And I am so grateful for them!

    1. Diane, your gratitude is a beautiful thing! I love, love, love how you have this “army” of people you deem as soul mates! What a rich life you must have, sister! And I believe the characteristics you cited are what defines a soul mate. I wish I had known this when I was a naive freshman in college! It would’ve spared me so much heartache! :)

  20. I do. I do agree soul mates are not always romantic and I do believe you can find the person who knows you like know other human being–but and here is the rub, this person may not be a lifetime mate. I believe people come into our lives for a reason, some last a season and others might go the distance, and then there are those we love for a moment and carry them in our hearts until we breathe out last breath. My heart goes out to your friend.

    1. Brenda, my experiences have been different from yours. I have never met a man who knows me like any other person. And if this has been the case, the break up has served to destroy any recollection of this forever. I totally agree with you regarding how different people come into our lives for different time periods. For me, the majority of folks, with the exception of family and a couple of friends, their time has been fleeting; seasonal, if you will. And that’s okay too. Because with every encounter, I feel I have grown; I have learned a bit more about myself. Thank you for your support, amiga. It is very much appreciated! :)

  21. Ah Bella , a post on my favorite topic love and yes ofcourse , I believe in soul mates ..

    I can’t speak for others and maybe Nana is right when she says that anyone can be your soul mate ..after all a soul mate as defined by the dictionary – is a person you have an immediate connection the moment you meet — a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before ..
    but for me my soul mate is my sole mate .. whatever I know of love , friendship and soul mates is becoz of him !

    1. Priya, you’re like nana! Her soul mate was her husband but only because he was also her best friend! How lovely! I thought about you while writing this post, you know. It made me think that this subject would have been interesting for your love bytes theme! Are you hosting that this year, by the way? If you are, I’m looking forward to it! :)

  22. Can my soulmate be food? :) I’m kidding! (but only half-kidding) I am not so sure I believe in the idea of “soul mates” but hey, I may just be inexperienced or jaded. I do like your Nana’s explanation of a soul mate not having to be romantic, though. That does mean that food CAN be my soulmate! :)

    1. Laura, perhaps this is why they call certain food, comfort food! ha! And if your food as soul mate theory is accurate, then coffee is surely mine, friend! hee hee! :)

  23. I feel so sorry for your family friend. It is devastating to lose someone who you feel you can’t live without. These will be some painful days and there is really nothing anyone can do to help. I think your Nana taught all of us a beautiful lesson. Hopefully we are all blessed with a few soul mates.

    1. Annie, thank you for your kind words. Angela is not doing too well, I’m afraid. Just today my mother called and told me her daughter had to come and get her out of bed because she had spent all weekend sleeping and not eating. I pray she will get through this but the loss is heartbreaking to all of us. If nana could read your comment, she’d smile. She loved it when people agreed with her! May your words ring true and may we all have plenty of soul mates! :)

  24. Bella, I love to hear your Nana’s lessons! (There’s a book for you to write: Lessons from Nana.) I hope Angela will get help because her situation sounds dangerous. Maybe we have a “soul family” during our lifetime rather than just one soul mate? Seems like you can have a soul mate for a while and then drift away/apart, maybe because of moving or growing or something. I can think of a handful of people who would qualify for me: two grade-school friends, one high school buddy, one college friend, husband, sister, late mother.

    1. Jann, it’s funny that you mention the book cause not too long ago I wrote Brynne and mentioned to her that if ever I wrote a book, I’d want it to be something along the lines of “Things I learned from Nana.” So it’s incredible that you think there’s something to that idea! I love, love your idea of a “soul family”! It seems you already have one of your own, lady! :)

    1. Ariana, thank you for your lovely wishes. I find the idea of a soul lover very appealing! Nana is the wisest soul I’ve ever met. Gosh, I miss her! :)

  25. What an interesting post, Bella. I don’t know how I feel about soul mates actually. I don’t like the idea that you’re so tied to someone that you cannot imagine living without them. Yet I know if something happened to my husband, I wouldn’t be interested in finding someone else either. It’s good question!

    1. Leah, I understand what you’re saying. Nana told me that when my grandfather died, she never thought of replacing him. For her, romantic love had been lost forever because he had been her one and only. I thought it was a very romantic notion but hardly practical since she had been left a widow with four children and no means of support. But nana was a fighter and she managed to beat the odds. I guess that’s why I’ve always wanted to emulate nana. :)

  26. I’ve not met my soul mate. Yet. But I believe that soul mates do exist. I’m keeping your friend in my thoughts and prayers that she finds peace of heart and peace of mind.

    1. Paz, thank you for being such a kind soul. I love how you state that you haven’t met your soul mate YET. It speaks of your openness to welcoming him whenever the time is right. That’s the spirit, lady! :)

  27. I do believe in soulmates but I agree that they don’t have to be romantic. I married my soulmate and feel blessed beyond belief for that but I also have had the same best friend since I was nine and I know she is a soulmate, as well. My favorite “Sex in the City” episode was the one where the girs decided that they could be each other’s soulmates and I couldn’t have agreed more!


    1. Traci, I couldn’t agree with you more. Soul mates, both romantic and non romantic can be anyone who inspires us to be the best we can be; who encourages us to reach for the stars. Not being a Sex in the City fan, (the crowd gasps) I don’t know the episode you’re referring to but it seems like the ladies got it right! :)

  28. I love your Nana’s advice. My mom gave me some good advice once. She told me, “You can love a lot of people but just because you love someone that doesn’t mean you should marry them.” (Everyone should have a mom like mine and a nana like yours!) I think Mom was right so, no, I suppose that means I don’t believe in soul mates!

    1. Nora, what a mom you have there! I so agree–everyone should have a mom and nana! hee hee! Imagine how wise and carefree all us sisters would be! :)

  29. Such a thoughtful and thought-provoking post! I believe more in a pool of kindred spirits than a soul mate, I guess. Your nana sounds very wise; though it is interesting that she confessed to having only one soul mate herself while promoting the idea of having many different kinds of soul mates out there to stumble upon. But to quote an old r&b song, ” love is love and not fade away.”

    1. Hello Louciao! You know, I asked her why my grandfather was her soul mate when she was telling me soul mates didn’t have to be a romantic interest. She said, “Your grandfather is my soul mate but he was also my best friend.” It think her reasoning makes sense. I have had romantic interests that weren’t really my best friend and male friends to which I’m not attracted to romantically. Perhaps if I had found the combination of both, I too would have a soul mate! :) I love the concept of kindred spirits. Kindred. What a beautiful word! :)

  30. EEEPP!! I love your blog, Bella. Thank you for posing the question and just “ranting” (though I find this to be some of the best writing I’ve seen out here in blogworld so I don’t call it ranting). : )
    Anyway, I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss. I do believe there are people who do fit with each other in their own way and that they are connected perhaps by their souls. I love that what your nana said. It is wise and so wonderful to view this question in that perspective. Love it. Thank you Bella..always so wonderful to read your posts!

    1. Shirley, your comments always do me good, sister. Thank you so much! I read what you wrote to the Significant Other and he said, “She should hear you rant in person!” hee hee! I’m delighted you like my writing. So delighted! Our family friend has now gone to stay with her son and his wife. She’s too depressed to be on her own and I’m glad that she’ll have support during this transition. You would have loved my nana! And she would have loved your illustrations! She always told me I should write a children’s book. If she were alive today, I’d tell her, I’m writing the book cause I found my illustrator. Her name is Shirley! hee hee! I love when you drop by, friend. :)

  31. Very powerful post and question. I love your Nana’s explanation and totally agree. I know that I was alone 12 years (not looking) and Alpha Hubby walked into my life and that was it. We both believe God put us together. We married 7 weeks after we met. 18 years later, we still feel the same. I do not believe, were he to die, that there could be another so perfect for me. I would live my life fully until I left this world, as he would want me to, but I do not believe I could allow anyone to be that intimate again.

    1. Nan, after reading how important your relationship with Alpha Hubby is, I can understand why you feel this way. And that’s to be admired. I’m left to wonder just how many of us are lucky enough to meet that special someone who makes us feel like there’s no need to keep looking for Mr. Right. Good for you for staying strong in this beautiful marriage of yours! :)

  32. Hi Bella,

    Getting older is a conundrum, in and of itself, I find. You get wiser, your vision gets broader and yet in some way your philosophy shrinks and hardens. When I was young, I too believed in a soulmate and I searched diligently for one. Each one failed me and each loss was devastating because I thought they were the only one.

    In my 30’s I realized that I had been right, at least two of my lost love’s were indeed my soul mates. That broadened my perspective to allow in the possibility that there could be more than one, especially since you change as life goes on. I have changed so fundamentally in the last three years that I no longer know if those who came before would still fit the bill. It doesn’t seem as important anymore. I accept for the most part that different people fulfill different roles in my life and wholes in my soul. Your nana was right, sometimes they are romantic, other times not.

    In any case, I am unwilling to say their is anyone I could not live without. I feel that is an affront to God and if they exist, I have not met them.

    And then…I watch The Bridges of Madison County and my soul recoils a bit as I am overcome with a yearning to love like that, with that abandon, complete familiarity and ease. It seems so beautiful, nurturing and completing. Then, my defenses come back up and my self says “Aw, hell no. That way lies a sure path to pain”. Because that’s the other part, when you find that one, a part of your heart is walking around outside of your body and anything can and sometimes does happen. Given the chance though, I am sure that I would through caution unequivocally to the winds. 15 years later, I watched it again and felt the same way, I would’ve gone with Clint Eastwood and hoped that my children understood rather than sacrifice my life for something that only fulfilled a part of me.

    So yes, I believe :). I’m just a tough nut to crack. I hope your friend will be ok.

    1. Coco, thank you for your throught provoking comment. “…a part of your heart is walking around outside of your body and anything can and sometimes does happen.” I love this, lady. It’s the absolute truth. When we love with “heart” we lose a bit of ourselves in the process and for me, as I’m sure as for you, that lover keeps a bit of our heart as well. We can only wonder what would happen if were we to have an abundant number of lovers! Thank you for enhancing my post. You always bring so much to this mix and I love you for that! I saw the Bridges of Maddisson County only once, when it first came out. At the time, I felt she had made the right decision because a woman who’s a mother, in my humble opinion, should always put motherhodd first. That said, now that my kids are grown and I realize how little the Daughter needs me and how anxious the Son is to gain his full independence, I’m thinking maybe I wouldn’t be of the same opinion. Honestly, I don’t know. However, I’m with you–our sense of self protection does prevent us from giving of ourselves one hundred percent on some occassion. I wish it weren’t like this but if I’m sincere, I know it will always be this way for me. Thanks for your well wishes, my friend. :)

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