Is it bathing suit time already?

In less than a month and a half, I’ll be headed for Spain.

I should be jumping for joy, but I’m too busy fretting over the fact that soon, my outfit du jour will be a bathing suit.

Because ladies, lets face it.

We all talk a good talk about being and feeling beautiful, but it’s not till you’re stripped down to nothing but a “stuck to your body like glue” one piece, that insecurities rise to the surface.

And stay there.

The entire summer long.

Thankfully, this year I’ve been spared the mood altering, “I’m-going-to-pass-out-where’s-the-panic-button-get-me-an-oxygen-mask-STAT” moment, brought on every time I have to buy a swimsuit.

My sister, brave soul that she is, courageously purchased what she claims are “no-nonsense, one size fits most” black one piece suits for my mom, herself, and me.

“So, are we all wearing the same swimsuit?”

“More or less. Mom’s has thicker straps, yours has criss cross straps, and mine looks like a turtleneck.”

“Criss cross straps? Seriously? You know I hate tan lines.”

“Like anyone’s going to be looking at tan lines on your back. Besides, they were on sale.”

“What? Three for the price of one?”

“Close. Buy one, get the second one half price.”

“So who gets the fourth suit?”

“I do. After all, who had to drink three cups of valerian tea, pop a Xanax, and assume the child pose for thirty minutes on the dirty floor of a brightly lit dressing room, to keep from hyperventilating?”

“And they’re all black?”

“No. They’re neon green. What do you think?”

“Great. We’ll look like three Italian widows gone to the beach to dip their toes.”

“Would you rather I had bought them in orange and have swimmers mistake us for buoys?”

“Three black mice. See how they run. I can hear the kids on the beach mocking us already.”

“More like three fat crows. See how they peck you to death. Look, the swimsuits have been purchased. No refunds. Next year you can get us some in bubblegum pink.”

“At least then they can call us the Pink Ladies.”

“Or the Three Little Pigs.”

“Bite me.”

“Ingrate.”

Click.

Equipped with the knowledge that soon I’ll be strutting my stuff on a sandy Spanish beach, today I took action.

Armed with a fitness routine I got from Pinterest, a yoga mat that hasn’t been used in six years, and cross trainers that haven’t been worn in ten, I felt ready.

To be continued…

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70 thoughts on “Is it bathing suit time already?

  1. I’ve got a family beach vacation coming up and I am NOT ready. I went to zumba class this morning and had a fabulous time, but I think I’d have to go to two classes a day for a month to get in shape. Sigh.

    I think you’ll all look great in your black bathing suits. It’s the little black dress of the beach. What could be more classic?

    1. Shary, I hope you’re right! I don’t know how “stunning” we’ll all three look but I’m crossing my fingers! hee hee! I think you’re already in fantastic shape! I want to be in your shape! And I want to go to zumba! I wish I could join you, lady! :)

  2. Bella, that is hilarious that your sister bought you all more-or-less matching bathing suits!!!! (I love that your sis’s looks like a turtleneck, ha ha–just what you need for the beach). What’s hard to believe is that it’s time again for you to go to Spain. I remember so well your posts from last summer–seems like yesterday. Have fun packing, and I can’t WAIT to read about your crazy Spanish adventures again!

    1. Jann, my sister always gets herself those high necked suits and frankly, I don’t know how she can stand them! I’d be tearing them off my neck. I too find it hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since I was last sharing photos of Speedos with all of you! I can’t wait to see what Spain has in store for us this summer! Your comment has served to motivate me and encourage me to look for the craziest scenarios! Thank you, friend! :)

  3. I think your family would be a hoot to travel with.. Yoga is wonderful for strengthening and calming the spirit. I would love to do zumba but have ZERO rhythm. I walk and do weights but that’s not enough. I’ve been looking for something new to take on but (not looking hard enough) and add a new routine to my week. I’m sure you will love beautiful as always this summer. Can’t wait for the posts.

    1. Brenda, you have no idea what traveling with my family is like! My papi used to liken it to traveling with a band of gypsies! I hope the good Lord heeds your words and we don’t scare everyone on the beach! hee hee! I think we should sign up for a zumba class together! Although our continuous bouts of laughter may not allow us to get through the class! hee hee! And for the record, I’m sure you have plenty of rhythm! :)

    1. Una, we may just have to buy one of those tiny portable coolers to stock the 99 cent vino we’re prone to buy when in the land of tapas! Yes, cocktails will surely take the edge off the pain of wearing a swimsuit! hee hee! :)

  4. Spain? How marvelous! Wish I could tag along! Swimsuits? Not so much. There are very few women who look stunning in a swimsuit, but I’ll bet you, your mom, and your sis are three who do. Happy travels, lady — and be sure to carry your camera. We want to see lots of pictures!

    1. Debbie, thank you for your sweet and kind words. I think I’ll turn your comment into a mantra! ha! I’ll be taking the old point and shoot to see what I can capture for you ladies. Stay tuned! Oh, and I wish you could tag along! :)

  5. Oh, Bella, I love the peeks into your life! I feel like another sister, sitting at the table while your conversations and experiences go on around me. Thank you! Thank you! Moving on . . . Don’t overdo. Just keep in the back of your head my mantra: In two weeks this will seem easy. In two weeks this will seem easy. Then put on those shoes, set down on that mat . . . and take a nap! Love you, girl!!!

    1. Diane, thank you for being you. You always make me smile and I instantly acquire pep in my step after reading one of your comments. I’m delighted to share my world with you and all the lovely people who read this blog. My sister, a very private person, always says, “Promise me you’re not writing a blog post about this!” Unfortunately, that’s never the case. But really, how can I keep such a conversation to myself, knowing how many women find bathing suit season traumatic? No can do, sister. I have to share even if it means revealing our family dynamics! ha! I will definitely repeat your mantra tomorrow and pray that the pain is temporary. Stay tuned for the follow up post! Love flowing back to you, lady! :)

    1. Irene, I love all of you and I share a lot of my life but a picture of me in a bathing suit will not make its way to this blog. ha! I’m afraid I’d scare all of you! hee hee! :)

  6. LOL! Oh, Bella, your conversations are priceless. :-D

    I haven’t worn a swimsuit in years, and have no plans to do so in the near future. Not just because, at my current size, I would scare myself first, then small children afterward, it’s equally the awesome, warm, golden, burn-me-to-a-crisp-before-I-get-out-the-phrase-50-spf sun that prevents me from donning a swimsuit and partaking of sand and surf, or even cement and chlorine.

    I can’t wait to hear more about your Pinterest shape-up! :-) xoxo

    1. Ellen, my mother, believe it or not, is a fair skinned, blonde, blue-eyed Spaniard. She turns bright red after just ten minutes in the sun. Hence, we can only go with her to the beach in the early hours of the morning of the late afternoon. Which is fine by me since there’s fewer people to scare! ha! I hope to post the Pinterest shape up post by the end of this week. Stay tuned! xoxo :)

  7. Well, look at this way: better than going topless.
    Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today! I am not ready for swimsuit season but have decided to forego shopping for one (please pray for me that last year’s still fits me otherwise I might be buying your sister’s 4th one from her!). In past years I have bought 3-4 swimsuits online and tried them on in the comfort and privacy of my own bathroom with a bottle of vodka. Then returned those that hated me!

    1. Astra, European women are notorious for going topless. I’m afraid that’s where I draw the line–not because I’m too prudish, but because the world isn’t ready to see the likes of Thelma and Louise! ha! I’m delighted this post made you smile. Your comment made me chortle! Chortle! I’m still chuckling about the vodka! I like the idea of ordering swimsuits online and trying them on at home. At least then we can turn off all the lights and feel fabulous in the dark! hee hee! :)

  8. The obvious solution here, Bella, is to go and get another bathing suit! :) I’m being serious, though! I used to think that bathing suits were only made for super skinny or super trim people. BUT! There are swimsuits that flatter those of us who aren’t either of those! When you find THE ONE you’ll be LOVING going out to the beach! ;)

    1. Laura, lady, I’m praying you’re right! I’m crossing my fingers that the criss cross black suit will be The One! In all honesty, she did get me two other suits, so it may just be that one of those is The One! ha! I’m just hoping they fit! :)

  9. You and your sister sound hilarious. Squeezing into a bathing suit is always traumatic. I always kick myself for spending the winter on the couch eating carbs instead of working out but remember that everyone else is probably too busy feeling neurotic in their swimsuits to notice anyone else. (cocktails on the beach help too, lots of ’em. Instant confidence booster.)

    1. Kristine, may the good Lord hear your words, sister. I’m definitely taking you and Una’s advice and stocking up on cocktails–any kind–in order to take the edge off of parading all these, ahem, curves, in public! Lord help us all! ha! And by the way, that makes two of us regretting eating carbs during the winter! :)

  10. It’s all about caring for your body, because it is what we have got and it has got to last as long as our beautiful brains that are being exercised daily on these here blogs!
    Stand tall, it’s the essence that is the most important. Walk as if you are happy, that is where true beauty lies!
    Love,
    Jodi

    1. Jodi, you sage, you! I know I can always count on you for the kind of advice that speaks of great wisdom and positivity! Thank you! I shall walk tall and happy! And think of you every step of the way! Much love to you, pretty lady! :)

  11. Oh, this is great! I can see the three of you now with matching black suits. I love a theme! You are going to have a fabulous time…with or without your Italian widows bathing suits. Really funny post, Bella! Take me with you!

    1. Annie, I’m afraid if we took you with us, you’d outshine us all with your lovely blond locks! ha! I wish it were possible for you to join us! I can imagine the mirth that would ensue! We would be delighted to have a funny lady like you on board. Just one condition–you have to wear a black suit! hee hee! :)

  12. Oh my…you have me in stitches, Bella!! I know you are going to look gorgeous…you always do. When you are older you will look back and see it, so why not start early? Outwit yourself, I say!! Hugs…soOo happy to be back! I missed you, my friend!

    1. Brynne, you’re back! I’ve missed you, friend! I’m so delighted to have made you laugh! I think I shall take your advice, amiga. I think it will be wondeful to look back and think, I didn’t have wrinkles back then! hee hee! :)

    1. Kim, trust me, if I could pull off neon green, I’d wear it! When I was in high school, I had a neon pink shirt I absolutely loved. I miss that shirt! ha! Thank you for the boost of confidence, Ms. Kim. You sure know how to make a girl feel better! I am a three and a half hour plane ride from Spain and yes, little Roxy is going! If she doesn’t go, no one goes! Kisses for you, sweet lady! :)

  13. I am so proud of you for wearing a swim suit at all! The basic black is perfect. I wear black boy shorts on the bottom and a black T-shirt on top, something sexy and and thin so when it gets wet and clings to me it will wrinkle up in randoms and amazing ways and hide my fat (that’s my fantasy). You and your sister are a great comedy team, it would be fun to listen to your banter as you lounge on the Spanish beaches.

    1. Patrice, I think you surely look smokin’ hot in your black boy bottoms and black tee! I like the idea of fantasy wrinkles! hee hee! Imagine if I could tape our conversations! That would be a hoot! And I would if only I could keep the element of spontaneity present. :)

    2. you’d probably forget you were taping and the spontaneity would return….your sister might be a bit furious though, if you didn’t tell you ahead of time ;)

      I’m smokin’ hot…I don”t think I ever was. But i used to really like my legs, was even kinda proud of them, but I let them get all flabby…at least they’re still long…fat and long ha ha ha

    3. Lady, forget the “flabby” and focus on the “long.” hee hee! If I taped a conversation I would definitely have to do it in stealth mode! Otherwise, forget the spontaneity factor. She’d go paranoid and refuse to utter a word! :)

  14. I’m so jealous! You are going to Spain again. Can’twait to read your posts from over there and from what I remember from you last year posts Europeans don’t really care much about the swimsuits , half of them parading around in skimpy speedos and another half forget wearing bras. So cheer up beautiful Bella, no matter what your swimsuit look like you will be aqueen of Spain :)

    1. Ariana, I want to print this comment, frame it, and place it in a prominent space where I can look at it every day! You are the sweetest! Thank you! I’m wondering if I should do another follow up Speedo post…what do you think? The men got their, ahem, Speedos in a bunch last time around and I’m not sure if I should. But it’s become a tradition! Provide some feedback, please! :)

    2. Ariana, that seems highly unlikely, but I will try my darndest to hunt Javier Bardem lookalikes in Speedos just for you! hee hee! :)

  15. Thanks as always for the laugh Bella. Now I’ll give you a laugh. Somebody gave me a bathing suit recently and it has a skirt attached. A SKIRT! Trust me, you know you’ve reached a woman of a certain age and size when someone gives you a bathing suit with a skirt (incidentally, because they lost weight!) Just call me, ‘The Blue Balloon!’ LOL

    1. Elizabeth, don’t you worry about that skirted suit. I hear they’re making a comeback and fashionistas all over the globe are calling them “vintage.” So you may just be the most stylish lady on the beach! No blue balloon title for you, my friend! You are beautiful, inside and out! :)

  16. Oooh, I love a good plan. Sounds like you are taking some action Bella. Good for you! I love reading your Spain adventures. I myself have been munching on chocolate covered raisins while surfing the internet at work. I kinda blame Jay for loving some junk in the trunk; I would probably get off my ass if my husband wasn’t so awesomely accepting. Ah well, board shorts at the beach once again for me, friend.

    1. Heidi, board shorts on a hot lady like you simply won’t do! Absolutely not! If we’re to go by your reasoning, then the Significant Other is to blame this side of the pond. He finds me beautiful no matter what I wear and how I look. In the past I thought that was endearing. Now I think it’s his fault I’m sweating bullets to get back in shape. Dreadful man. Why couldn’t he alert me to how much my butt was spreading?? hee hee! :)

  17. Bella, this is so funny! I love the dialogue between you and your sister and all the names you each came up with for yourselves, my favorite being the Three Italian Widows. Lucky you, get to be on the beach all summer. I hope your mother is bringing you a new computer! I love the photo you use here. Did you take it? Looks like what I imagine to be the Riviera, and I expect to see Sophia Loren sunbathing, circa 1950. (Which reminds me, when are you going to send me a pix of Roxy and you know what for?) Good luck with the exercise plan. Mind if I join you? ;)

    1. Monica, I love that you think this post is funny. Thank you, amiga! You have no idea the many nicknames this family gives each other! My mother is none too happy about having to pull out a laptop at every security check point but given it’s for her grandson, she’s conceded. Yay! I took the photo on this blog post and would you believe it was taken while I was on a bus? ha! I can’t believe how clear it turned out given the circumstances. Now that you mention it, I can see Sophia Loren sunbathing on this strip of beach! How fantastic! I’m on the photo hunt. Please forgive me. I’m a terrible person. And misery loves company so throw on some sweats and join me, please! hee hee! :)

  18. The thing I hate worse than anything else, is trying on bathing suits. I have a long torso that requires a slightly larger suit than normal size and now the extra weight looks horrible and the lighting in the stores is abominable. Yikes.

    1. Renee, why is the lighting in some stores so horrible? It distorts the body and makes one look like a circus attraction! I hate trying on bathing suits! That’s why I’m so happy my sister bought the 3 for 1 deal! hee hee! How I wish I had a long torso! Instead, I’m stuck with a short torso that makes me look like an oompa loompa! :)

  19. She’s the sister for the ages! And I love criss-cross backs. Think how elegant you’ll look sauntering back and forth to the beach, a colorful sarong tied around your waist? The spanish cabana boys will bring you churros and chocolate on a silver tray with a rose.

    You spend your summers in Spain…. I swoon…

    1. Lori, you paint such a pretty picture, I’m dying to throw on the criss-cross suit if only to get the cabana boy to service me! ha! I’m loving the idea of churros and chocolate on a silver tray with a rose! I think I’ll include these details in my next voyage to my alternate reality! hee hee! Come join us in Spain! :)

    1. Debra!! I’ve been trolling your blog to see if you’d posted and nada! Where have you been? I’ve missed you! Come back for more! ha! :)

  20. You’ve got yourself one thigh-slapping funny sister. I’m sure you ladies are gonna look lovely in your bathing suits. Remember that whole thing you wrote about this healthy sized woman walking with confidence? Remember that. That woman had some music going in her head to walk that way, you know. Better get to naming your tune now, so you can have that walk. Next year, it may be a two-piece. :-)

    1. Totsy, I’m certain you would love my sister. She is hysterically funny! Thank you for your sweet words. May the Lord hear you! ha! I’m flattered that you remembered the walking with confidence post! Now there’s a thought! I shall indeed be naming my tune and when I find it, I’ll let you know which one it is! :)

  21. Last time I had a bathing suit was maybe 15 years ago. In fact I have always been embarrassed by not having a perfect body (I thought I was fat long before I became obese). In fact it’s longer that 15 years ago except once in Canada in 2007 :)

    1. Nikky, it’s hard to put on a bathing suit after not wearing one in so long, but it can be done. My sister always wears her suits with swim shorts. Me, I’m not so picky. I think everyone has the right to derive the benefits of the sun’s loving rays and if that means showing my jiggly parts, then so be it. I think you can do the same and allow your body to take in the vitamin D the sun offers! :)

  22. Ok, bathing suits. They come with skirts now. I’m going there. Also, cover-ups are really cute now.

    Has anyone ever noticed that the florescent lights in fitting rooms actually make cellulite *glow*???

    Idea for walking down the beach. Go arm-in-arm; that way, no one can tell what size any of you are.

    The suggestion of liquid refreshment with some kick to it has definite merit.

    But seriously, once you get out in the sun it will just all settle out. Look around and you’ll find that you are *not* surrounded by skinny people. 8)

    Have a superb time!! Is Roxy going? Maybe she can wear the fourth bathing suit.

    1. Eloise, your comment made me giggle! I think Roxy would have to wear that suit like a cover up! hee hee! I’m with you, sister, we will not be surrounded by skinny minnies. Spain is one of the countries that embraces all shapes and sizes. Rarely do you encounter body discrimination–or maybe I’ve just been lucky! ha! I like the idea of walking arm and arm. Great way to camouflage the non-toned arms! :)

  23. I love when you do those conversations with your famly. Sooooo funny. You are going to look marvelous, dalink. Just remember everyone on the beach is only worried about one thing – themselves. They aren’t looking at you they are worried about you looking at them. So just ignore them all and enjoy the beach for those of us who are land locked. *sigh* no ocean sounds. *sigh* no sandy beaches. *sigh* no warm water lapping our toes. *sigh* I’m depressing myself here….

    1. Aw, Nan, it makes me sad that you won’t be able to enjoy the beach as well! I’m sorry! I’ll write posts from Spain and take lots of photos to share with all of you! Thank you for your wonderful and wise advise. I shall take it to heart and flaunt my curves! How’s that for naughty? hee hee! :)

  24. I’m putting off swimsuit shopping for as long as possible. Of course, I’m not going to Spain… so what do I know! However, from what I’ve read you seem like a super confident women so I think you will look great!

    1. Thank you for your kind words, lady. I hope my confidence gets me through the summer! Go out and try on some bathing suits! I’m cheering for you! :)

  25. Hey Bella, I hope you are using that Yoga mat regularly and I am sure by the time that trip to Spain come you will be a black beauty in that swim suit. LOL! But seriously just go and enjoy yourself! Who cares about anyone saying anything. Just be yourslef and enjoy!

  26. Make sure that the cut of the swimsuit fits comfortably around your hip, legs and chest.
    Flattering the body is the most essential consideration for thick busted women, not in hiding
    silhouettes.

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