Are these what you call close encounters of the Speedo kind?

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Dear friends,
I’m very excited to finally publish this post. Why? Because it’s due time we all enjoyed a good laugh.

I confess it wasn’t easy to capture these shots. With the Daughter unable to join me this summer, I didn’t have a decoy. As a result, I got the stink eye from avid Speedo wearers on more than one occasion.

However, not one to stray from my mission, I donned a large hat and sunglasses and pretended I was photographing the Mediterranean sea.

Over, and over, and over.

Some of these shots will make you groan, others will make you cringe, and the last one will restore your faith in men’s ability to select appropriate beach wear.

In the past, earlier Speedo posts have been a bit controversial.
Hence, I want to address the issue by stating the following:

To any reader who thinks it’s his or her right to defend Speedos and the men who wear them, I say, don’t bother. Not only because this post is done in good fun, but also because you are never going to convince me there’s a reason for men to go out in public wearing something that resembles an undersized loincloth. As far as I’m concerned, the only man who’s ever been able to pull off a Speedo has been Michael Phelps, and that’s only because he wore it in a tub. So instead of going on a useless crusade, I suggest you sit back, check out the photos, and chuckle to your heart’s content.

Camouflage attire is a must when going on a Speedo mission.
Camouflage attire is a must when going on a Speedo mission.
Glasses and a hat--the perfect way to disguise you and your companion when a Speedo is in attendance.
Glasses and a hat–the perfect way to disguise you and your companion when you’re wearing a Speedo.
This man gave me the stink eye when I captured his self-made Speedo.
This man gave me the stink eye when I captured his self-made Speedo.
Add a bikini top and this man and his wife look like they're wearing twin suits.
Add a bikini top and this man and his wife look like they’re wearing twin suits.
The self-made Speedo--for those times your real Speedo is in the wash.
The self-made Speedo–for those times your real Speedo is in the wash.
I don't know what's more disturbing, the addition of a yellow swim cap or the emerging butt of the blue Speedo user.
I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the addition of a yellow swim cap or the emerging butt of the blue Speedo user.
Not even a tattoo gives this Speedo an edge.
Not even a tattoo gives this Speedo an edge.
Next up, the  Speedo and back hair combo.
Next up, the Speedo and back hair combo.
This year's hottest trend--the Speedo boy shorts.
This year’s hottest trend–the Speedo boy shorts.
A large tote bag--something to carry the board shorts he should be wearing, perhaps?
A large tote bag–something to carry the board shorts he should be wearing, perhaps?
When you manage to pry your eyes away from the six pack, I urge you to look at what stylish and appropriate beach wear looks like.
When you manage to pry your eyes away from the six pack, I urge you to look at what stylish and appropriate beach wear looks like.

When and where was your last Speedo encounter?

XOXO,

33 thoughts on “Are these what you call close encounters of the Speedo kind?

  1. Fascinating stuff. To be honest some didn’t look too bad. As long as they have a great body, I think it’s okay to wear. But only two that I saw fit that bill. The rest, por Dios. Thank goodness you included the last photo, so that’s the one I’ll always remember. Why can’t they all just go for that look? If you ask me, you have to have a great shape and be between 18 and 30 to wear a Speedo. ;)

    1. Trust me, Monica, they ALL looked bad. Except the last one. ha! Yes, I thought it was unkind to not leave you with an ooooh aaaahhh shot after subjecting you to so much emotional distress. hee hee! :)

    1. Ariana, you are sweet! Yes, this nonchalant, look at me if you want European attitude is to be admired. Frankly, I wish I had the guts to throw on a bikini and look half as self assured as some of these gents! ha! :)

  2. I wish I had the body confidence to wear a bikini! Maybe some if those gentlemen should have a little less. :)

    And what is up with that self-made speedo?

    Thanks for that little outing to the beach… Made my day!

    1. Hi Shary! I just mentioned the exact thing to Ariana. It does take guts to go out in public wearing a strip of cloth and without a care in the world! I’ll give them that! hee hee! The self made Speedo is another freak of nature. It’s like the nananana doo doo version of a Speedo! Hugs to you and Lola from Roxy and me! :)

  3. dear lady, I’ve frequented spanish beaches for years, so I must to recognize there’s nothing too strange for me in your pics!, I think I’ve been overexposed to speedos!
    And you look really pretty wearing your hat and sunnies!
    besos & risas

    1. Mrs. Allnut, would you believe I’m still trying to condition myself to the sight, I don’t know how many years later? I still have to hide my face in my towel so I can giggle! hee hee! I’m so pleased you like my attempt at a fashionable disguise! Besos y carcajadas! :)

  4. Bella, I needed a laugh and you didn’t disappoint — thank you! I’m with you 100%; most of these poor fellas made the unfortunate choice of inappropriate beachwear. The guy in the last, the one with the abs, well, he’s dressed just right. What beautiful, warm-looking beaches you have — and I love your disguised photo (golly, you have beautiful toofies, my friend, heehee!)

    1. Debbie the “toofies” comment had me smiling from ear to ear! You know, I’ve always been a bit self conscious about my teeth. If you look closely, you’ll notice one of them sticks out a bit. My nephew used to tell me I had “little vampire” teeth! hee hee! And you’re right–these poor chaps made many fashion faux pas! ha! :)

  5. Bella,

    Always on the hunt for a good laugh, I found myself HERE. Now, that’s what I call perfect timing.

    Wait….

    Sorry, needed a moment catch my breath lmao. Ok no, a loud resounding no. The Speedo belongs in the bedroom. Same way not all women can rock the itsy bitsy teeny avenue yellow polka dot bikini, men need to place their hubris aside and face facts.

    The shots are hysterical! Sadly, or perhaps joyously, I can report my only exposure to Speedos a la 2013 has been through your blog. A tiny part of me is glad ;)

    Hope all is well.

    Hugs,

    L.

    1. Coco, your comments always, always make my day! I’m so happy to see you visiting my wee blog again. I have missed your savvy wit! Sorry to subject you to such torture but sometimes, laughter comes with a price! ha! Hugs to you! :)

    2. There is nothing like a good laugh, Bella! Especially interspersed with liberal doses of wisdom. You’ve mastered the art. Happy to be back :)

    1. It’s the least I could do, eh, Renee? hee hee! When I saw this guy coming out of the water, I just had to grab my camera. And this time, no chortling! hee hee! :)

  6. Bella today your post inspired me to look at pictures of men in Speedos and sister let me tell you the Golden Rule is: If when that Joker looks down, he can’t see the color of his Speedo, he probably should not be wearing one. Deuces hee hee.Love your picture you look amazing!!

    1. Angie, I’m so happy to see your comment! Thanks for the giggle. As always your words are not only funny, but wise. ha! So happy you like the photo! Check out the nifty sunnies! :)

  7. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! GIRL! I didn’t know whether to laugh or throw things at you but then you posted that last picture and any animosity was forgiven.

    1. Nora, sorry for the lateness of my reply, but after a month of doctors’ visits and intensive therapy sessions, I’m attempting to get back in the saddle. Sigh. Ah yes, the last picture. It’s the least I could do after subjecting you to such torture! ha! :)

    1. Corinne! I’m twirling, I’m so happy to see you here again! You’re very welcome, my friend! Please come back and visit more often! I miss you! :)

  8. I know this is an old post and you did say not to bother defending speedos, but I’m going to do it anyway so some women might understand why we do it.

    I’ve been a speedo wearer for over 10 years and do not plan on stopping anytime soon. Yes I know all about the taboos, the stares, the chuckles, and I can understand that they might not appeal to some women. In fact, there are plenty of men that I’ve seen that look terrible wearing them while I’m sitting there enjoying the freedom of wearing mine.

    So here’s the situation… I wear them because I enjoy wearing them regardless of what people might think and are very comfortable. The feeling of wet, sloppy boardshorts is horrible after you’ve worn the lightweight, quick drying speedo. There are plenty of other reasons why I prefer them, but that’s not important. What I really wanted to say here is how wearing a speedo has changed my attitude. Yes it’s true.

    Speedos have done the following:
    They have allowed me to be me.
    They have allowed me to be less judgmental of others. Sure there are plenty of people who wearing skimpy swimwear at the beach that look less than flattering, but now I just say..”good for them.”
    They force me to stay fit and in shape.
    They make me happy. That’s really what is most important.

    I don’t expect that this would change your outlook on them, but I figured I would throw in my 2 cents to give people a sense of what a man who wears a speedo is thinking when he put on that speedo and decided to enjoy his day at the beach or pool.

    Live and let live, that’s what I say.

    1. Hi Frank! I took a year sabbatical from my blog to work on my WIP and I’ve just read your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to provide us with an explanation as to why you enjoy Speedos. And you’re right – – you should be able to wear what you want where you want. However, allow me to point out that this was never about us women saying you can’t do precisely that. This was about us saying that if you do, you’re giving us green light to have a little chuckle at your expense Ah, if life for us females were so easy that we could all show up at our favorite destination wearing whatever we thought was comfortable and convenient We’d chuck high heels, makeup, Spanx, wire rimmed bras, shape wear, curling irons flat irons, blow dryers, power suits, and push up bras into the trash Heck, I dare say many of us would walk around in bathrobes and pajamas if we could. Sadly, unlike your gender, society has expectations of us. We have to conform to a definition of beauty or be labeled all sorts of unsavory terms. So please allow us to have a giggle when we see you throwing caution to the wind because you have nothing to lose. Oh, were we to be so lucky! Live and let live will be the order the day when it applies to all genders. Thank you for commenting!

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