Do you qualify to be someone’s person?

Childhood best Friends

A person.

My person.

Individuals who made a difference in my life were assigned the title “my person” long before Shonda Rhimes introduced it in the television series, “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Some of the traits that characterize this individual have varied throughout the years, while others have remained the same.

Tonight, as I sat on the couch with only Roxy for company, I realized it’s been a while since I’ve called anyone “my person.”

Wrapping my fingers around a steaming mug of coffee, I pondered what a job profile for this esteemed position would be like. Quickly grabbing a notebook, I began to scribble what I deemed would be essential traits.

When I finished, my list looked something like this:

~ Must be willing to listen without judgement or criticism

~ Must possess the ability to comprehend verbal and non verbal communication, including profanity, slang, and unintelligible babble

~ Must possess empathy, kindness, and compassion

~ Must be able to both listen and hear, without interruptions, and for prolonged periods of time ~ Should possess restraint to keep from offering advice and other “fix it” type suggestions

~ Must be patient, sensitive, and supportive

Optional but favorable skills include:

~ Ability to make “personee” laugh, giggle, and feel like his or her situation has a solution

~ Ability to soothe, placate, and provide reassurance

~ Willingness to commiserate, validate, and offer a shoulder to cry on

Note: Willingness to bring good wine will guarantee potential candidates an automatic second interview

Note: Clock watchers, critics, and pseudo intellectuals need not apply

Yes, I’m certain this is how a “person’s” job profile would read.

Why? Because I’m convinced these are universal needs; needs that require us to reach out to our person in times of duress.

In times we feel lonely.
In times we feel completely alone.

A person.

We should all have one.
Every one of us.

Because no matter how tough, strong, and empowered we think we are, there are times we need to hear, “I am here. Talk to me.”

Do you have a person?

Do I have time for a selfie?

New Yorkers love themselves ... who can blame them?

The selfie phenomenon.

All the way from Istanbul, to Buenos Aires, to one horse towns and villages all over the world. It’s here. And it’s here to stay.

From the young to the elderly, from blue-collar workers to the Commander-in-Chief.
The selfie taking practice is being embraced by all. So much in fact, we can’t but wonder if it confirms we’re a narcissistic society.

Looking over my son’s shoulder as he browsed through Facebook this morning, I couldn’t help noticing the dozens of selfies of his young friends. Young women, in an array of poses, ranging all the way from the “head cocked to the side” position, to the “OMG, is this still going on?” duck lips.

Later today, just seconds after I posted my own selfie to Instagram, I pondered the reasons that motivate us to share our mug with, for the most part, strangers.

Do we do it as a way of recruiting external validation, or does vanity propel us to use the selfie to document our beauty?

Were these selfies to be unedited and “au naturel,” perhaps the subject wouldn’t bother me.

Yet, looking at my own Instagram selfie, edited with various filters and a blur effect, I realize we aren’t presenting our “true” selves to the world.

The selfie appears to be another way to conform to society’s definition of beauty; one whose sad message is that you’re only beautiful if you look a certain way.

“Not everything is motivated by the evils of society, mom,” chided the Son when I broached the subject at the dinner table. “Sometimes,” he said, “a selfie is just a selfie.”

But is it? Thinking back to the heavily edited selfies I saw this morning, I’m not so sure.

In all fairness, I’m certain there are those who take selfies for the sake of documenting a bad hair day. Others might take them to evidence what they look like at a certain age.

Yet the fact that so many of us partake in the selfie phenomenon raises the question of, do we need others to tell us we’re beautiful?

And that makes me sad.

Sad because, even words like “You’re beautiful,” aren’t going to help if we don’t believe it ourselves.

Sad because we may always depend on someone to validate us.

Sad because we are placing so much importance on physicality and so little on what truly establishes our worth.

Sad because the majority of selfies aren’t true representations of what we really look like.

Sad because in hiding behind an edited selfie, we fail to show the world our true beauty, complete with enlarged pores and imperfections.

We may not be able to stop the selfie phenomenon, but we can refuse to play by the rules of peers, society, and our own insecurities.

We can turn the selfie on its head and instead, use it as a tool to affirm, “This is me. This is what I truly look like and I am beautiful.”

Inspired by my sister, who posted a selfie of her beautiful, unedited self on Facebook, I took a selfie tonight.

No make up.
No edits.
Just me.

Join me in the effort to turn this phenomenon into something positive by posting your own beautiful unedited selfie.

Let us effect positive change in how the world defines beauty.

Show the world the beauty that is you!

image_2721

XOXO,

Note: If you post a selfie, please leave a link in the comments section so other readers can see it.

I would love it if you followed me on Instagram. You can do so by clicking on this link or the icon located on the sidebar!

Don’t you think you deserve it?

Happy New Year!
Image by Evan Leeson

A close friend called last night to tell me her divorce had been finalized.

Twenty three years of hardships and struggles had finally come to an end.

“I guess now I can tick the box that says single on my tax return” she said through her tears.

Hearing her sob on the other end, I felt confused.

During the two years it had taken for her divorce to become final, I had heard her talk about how unhappy she was, of how she felt like a prisoner in her home, how she wished she could break free.

Yet the day had arrived and she had welcomed it sobbing.

“What will I do now?” she wailed. “I feel utterly incomplete.”

For once, I was at a loss for words.

Should I tell her to host a party to declare her new state of independence, or should I voice the old adage of “This too shall pass”?

I did neither.

Instead, I listened to her fears of starting over, of finding her place in the world, of joining the ranks of single mothers who struggle to raise their children.

And when she was done, I simply said:

You’ve been given the chance to do something many women wish they could do but don’t.

You’ve been given the chance to start over.

To live your life the way it was meant to be lived.

Without restrictions.
Without disapproval.
Without someone policing your every move.

You deserve to be loved unconditionally, without having to act, be, or look a certain way.

You deserve to be appreciated, respected, admired.

You deserve someone who truly listens, and cares about what you have to say.

You deserve someone who doesn’t chastise you, tears you down, or reduces you to a state of invisibility.

You deserve someone who values your independence and encourages you to soar.

Someone who supports you, motivates you, and desires you.
Someone who thinks you’re perfect just the way you are.

Yes, my friend, you’ve been given the chance to reacquaint yourself with the old you.

The chance to leave behind the excess baggage that has held you down for so long.

The chance to resurrect the woman you were before, or reinvent a brand new you.

The chance to meet new people or reconnect with old friends.

The chance to process lessons learned and plan new adventures.

You are free.
Your life is just beginning

I thought long and hard whether to publish this post today and not one I had written on New Year’s resolutions.

Yet it’s today’s date which makes this post all that more significant.

A New Year–a new beginning.

Tabula rasa.
A clean slate.
A chance to rewind, fast forward, hit play.

This post goes out to anyone who is unhappy but unsure of what to do.

As you ring in the New Year, remember, you deserve to come out of the shadows and into the light.

You deserve to be all you were meant to be.

Happy New Year!

XOXO,