Don’t you think you deserve it?

Happy New Year!
Image by Evan Leeson

A close friend called last night to tell me her divorce had been finalized.

Twenty three years of hardships and struggles had finally come to an end.

“I guess now I can tick the box that says single on my tax return” she said through her tears.

Hearing her sob on the other end, I felt confused.

During the two years it had taken for her divorce to become final, I had heard her talk about how unhappy she was, of how she felt like a prisoner in her home, how she wished she could break free.

Yet the day had arrived and she had welcomed it sobbing.

“What will I do now?” she wailed. “I feel utterly incomplete.”

For once, I was at a loss for words.

Should I tell her to host a party to declare her new state of independence, or should I voice the old adage of “This too shall pass”?

I did neither.

Instead, I listened to her fears of starting over, of finding her place in the world, of joining the ranks of single mothers who struggle to raise their children.

And when she was done, I simply said:

You’ve been given the chance to do something many women wish they could do but don’t.

You’ve been given the chance to start over.

To live your life the way it was meant to be lived.

Without restrictions.
Without disapproval.
Without someone policing your every move.

You deserve to be loved unconditionally, without having to act, be, or look a certain way.

You deserve to be appreciated, respected, admired.

You deserve someone who truly listens, and cares about what you have to say.

You deserve someone who doesn’t chastise you, tears you down, or reduces you to a state of invisibility.

You deserve someone who values your independence and encourages you to soar.

Someone who supports you, motivates you, and desires you.
Someone who thinks you’re perfect just the way you are.

Yes, my friend, you’ve been given the chance to reacquaint yourself with the old you.

The chance to leave behind the excess baggage that has held you down for so long.

The chance to resurrect the woman you were before, or reinvent a brand new you.

The chance to meet new people or reconnect with old friends.

The chance to process lessons learned and plan new adventures.

You are free.
Your life is just beginning

I thought long and hard whether to publish this post today and not one I had written on New Year’s resolutions.

Yet it’s today’s date which makes this post all that more significant.

A New Year–a new beginning.

Tabula rasa.
A clean slate.
A chance to rewind, fast forward, hit play.

This post goes out to anyone who is unhappy but unsure of what to do.

As you ring in the New Year, remember, you deserve to come out of the shadows and into the light.

You deserve to be all you were meant to be.

Happy New Year!


How Bella got her groove back


It’s so easy.

To stray off the path,
Get lost in your thoughts,
Fall into a funk.

The kind that grabs you by the neck, shakes you like a doll, and leaves you gasping for breath.

It’s so easy.

To procrastinate,
Pretend you’ll do things tomorrow,
Take care of it soon.

Yet before you know it, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years.

And you’re standing in the same place,
In the same room,
In the same spot.

You notice the neighbors have put up their Christmas trees, strung their lights, hung wreaths on their doors.

Seasons have changed,
The wind’s gotten stronger,
The cold has set in.

Everything has changed.
Everything seems different.
Everything but you.

The desire to write,
To create,
To inspire,
Has long since expired.

It’s easier to sit.
Look at the walls
Twiddle your thumbs.
Do nothing at all.

No dreaming, no imagining, no mentally visiting far away places.

Just you.
Your dog.
And the wish you could turn back the clock.

Then one day you realize, nothing’s going to change.

This is as good as it gets.
So you take what you get
And you don’t get upset

You struggle and grunt, run a hand through your hair, and pick yourself up.

You breathe.


It’s a brand new day.

Time to move on.
Time to create.
Time to get back in the groove.

And with hearty resolve, you hear yourself whisper,

You can do it.
You’ve got this.
It’s a brand new day.

And now for some Roxy love.


What motivates you to keep going?

Where, oh where is the one that got away?

beach 2

We all have one.

Thoughts of what if allow our minds to wander.

We play house, picture ourselves living in different lands, different continents.

Closing our eyes, we see ourselves carrying out the role of wife, mother, lover.

We drift.
We dream.
We yearn.

And for a couple of brief moments, we think how different our lives would be.

The one that got away.

The one we thought we were destined to be with, grow old with.

We question why it didn’t work out.
Why we’re not in his life.
Why we let him go.

We curse destiny.
Scream profanities at fate.
Demand the universe give us answers.

Where is he?
Why did he go?
Why did we let him get away?

We think of a time when we were inseparable.

A time when his voice gave us goose bumps, when his laughter left us breathless, when his touch turned us into liquid butter.

A time when we were happy.

Staring out into the sea this morning, I experienced the shifting of worlds.

Slowly walking into the water, my mind waved goodbye to my body and effortlessly traveled to another place in time.

A whimsical place, bathed in sunlight, and bright colors.

The place where my heart told me I was destined to be.

One where he and I equaled two.

Two people in love.

No leaving.
No chasing.
No getting away.

A trio of children splash water nearby.

I open my eyes and realize I’ve left the alternate reality where he lives; where we live.

A deep sigh fills my lungs with air.

I breathe in the present.

A salty tear falls softly, intermingling with the salty water below.

The one that got away.
The one who left me breathless.
The one who made my heart sing.

He drifts further away.

Hands outstretched, I reach out.

And once again, he gets away.

The Mediterranean Sea.

Powerful inducer of dreams.
Formidable fantasy spinner.
Brilliant creator of what should have been.

Taking one last look at this lovely lady, I swim back to shore.

beach 1

beach 3

What prompts you to think of the one that got away?

Dreaming in sunny Spain,