It’s not just me, folks, it’s every member of our clan.
The men in our family aren’t allowed to call the women “drama queens,” given they too engage in the theatrics.
Nevertheless, while at times it’s a little overwhelming, it also allows for the funniest of moments.
My mother is quick to defend her Oscar-worthy performances reminding us that while everyone else may see the world in black and white, our family sees it in “Technicolor,” whatever that means.
In order to show you what I’m talking about, I’ve decided to share the conversation we had last night.
Laughter may or may not ensue, but know that this conversation has not been embellished for your entertainment purposes.
This is us in living color.
“Mary, mother of Jesus! Did you cross over to the other side of the street?”
“Of course not. I stopped and took its picture.”
“Of course you did! Do you know why? Because you were put on this earth to make me suffer.”
“Here we go.”
“Why can’t you be more like your sisters, Bella? They have respect for these things.”
“Don’t you mean, they’re as superstitious as you are? Besides, how did we go from the black cat to the ‘you’re not like your sisters’ speech?”
“Your sisters know better than to provoke a black cat.”
“Provoke? I took its picture! I didn’t poke it with a stick!”
“And Roxy? Was she your tiny accomplice; an accessory to your crime? Did you expose that sweet girl to seven years of bad luck?”
“Mom, I photographed a cat. I didn’t break a mirror. Roxy wagged her tail and made nice.”
“That cat could have pounced on you and scratched your eyes out! You might now be walking around like Oedipus, for the love of God!”
“Mom! There was no eye gouging! Stop with the drama, already!”
“Do you think we need any more bad luck in this family, Bella? Is that it? Your aunt broke her hip a month ago and now has a plastic one, or whatever fake hips are made of nowadays. Your Uncle Lucas went wandering on his own twice this week. The police found him talking to a lamp post, asking it if it knew where he lived, and your Aunt Ursula chipped a tooth trying to gnaw on a piece of stale Manchego cheese. Do you know what that means? That I’m next! That’s what that means!”
“Your brother and sisters are older than Moses. It’s a miracle they still remember to get up in the morning. And doesn’t Aunt Ursula have fake teeth?”
“What does it matter if she has fake teeth or not? The point is she has one less tooth to chew with. Things were good. My reflux wasn’t acting up, I’m remembering the names of you and your sisters, and the doctor told me my bladder’s holding up and I won’t be needing Depends anytime soon. But now with you and the black cat, I don’t know.”
“You’re being ridiculous. In any case, any bad luck should be coming my way.”
“Not necessarily. Bad luck can befall you or your family.
“Mom, it’s a black cat we’re talking about, not the curse of Tutankhamen!”
“Go ahead and mock me. You’ve been doing it since you were a child. Lord, where did I go wrong? When did I stray from the path?”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Even across the miles you disrespect your mother.”
“I’ll pray the black cat doesn’t curse you, Bella.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Today I’m linking up with Heidi’s Black and White Wednesday. Yes, I know it’s not Wednesday but we’re trying to get through midterms, so lets just pretend it is, shall we?