What do you mean you saw a black cat?

My family has a flare for drama.

It’s not just me, folks, it’s every member of our clan.

The men in our family aren’t allowed to call the women “drama queens,” given they too engage in the theatrics.

Nevertheless, while at times it’s a little overwhelming, it also allows for the funniest of moments.

My mother is quick to defend her Oscar-worthy performances reminding us that while everyone else may see the world in black and white, our family sees it in “Technicolor,” whatever that means.

In order to show you what I’m talking about, I’ve decided to share the conversation we had last night.

Laughter may or may not ensue, but know that this conversation has not been embellished for your entertainment purposes.

This is us in living color.

“Ma, I saw a black cat today.”

“Mary, mother of Jesus! Did you cross over to the other side of the street?”

“Of course not. I stopped and took its picture.”

“Of course you did! Do you know why? Because you were put on this earth to make me suffer.”

“Here we go.”

“Why can’t you be more like your sisters, Bella? They have respect for these things.”

“Don’t you mean, they’re as superstitious as you are? Besides, how did we go from the black cat to the ‘you’re not like your sisters’ speech?”

“Your sisters know better than to provoke a black cat.”

“Provoke? I took its picture! I didn’t poke it with a stick!”

“And Roxy? Was she your tiny accomplice; an accessory to your crime? Did you expose that sweet girl to seven years of bad luck?”

“Mom, I photographed a cat. I didn’t break a mirror. Roxy wagged her tail and made nice.”

“That cat could have pounced on you and scratched your eyes out! You might now be walking around like Oedipus, for the love of God!”

“Mom! There was no eye gouging! Stop with the drama, already!”

“Do you think we need any more bad luck in this family, Bella? Is that it? Your aunt broke her hip a month ago and now has a plastic one, or whatever fake hips are made of nowadays. Your Uncle Lucas went wandering on his own twice this week. The police found him talking to a lamp post, asking it if it knew where he lived, and your Aunt Ursula chipped a tooth trying to gnaw on a piece of stale Manchego cheese. Do you know what that means? That I’m next! That’s what that means!”

“Your brother and sisters are older than Moses. It’s a miracle they still remember to get up in the morning. And doesn’t Aunt Ursula have fake teeth?”

“What does it matter if she has fake teeth or not? The point is she has one less tooth to chew with. Things were good. My reflux wasn’t acting up, I’m remembering the names of you and your sisters, and the doctor told me my bladder’s holding up and I won’t be needing Depends anytime soon. But now with you and the black cat, I don’t know.”

“You’re being ridiculous. In any case, any bad luck should be coming my way.”

“Not necessarily. Bad luck can befall you or your family.

“Mom, it’s a black cat we’re talking about, not the curse of Tutankhamen!”

“Go ahead and mock me. You’ve been doing it since you were a child. Lord, where did I go wrong? When did I stray from the path?”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Even across the miles you disrespect your mother.”

“Goodbye, Mom.”

“I’ll pray the black cat doesn’t curse you, Bella.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Are you superstitious?

Today I’m linking up with Heidi’s Black and White Wednesday. Yes, I know it’s not Wednesday but we’re trying to get through midterms, so lets just pretend it is, shall we?

Is that Aretha Franklin singing in the background?

This morning, Roxy and I were completely unprepared for an encounter with this lady.

One minute she was walking next to her owner, and the next, she had tugged at her retractable leash and swooped in for the kill.

Roxy was terrified.

However, our little miss was smart and immediately went into self-preservation mode.

In the blink of an eye, she bowed down, wagged her tail, and waited.

As I witnessed the larger dog peer down at Roxy, I could hear Aretha Franklin singing, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.”

In the meantime, this fellow looked down at the scene; expectantly waiting for the outcome.

The gleam in his eye told me he was curious to see how events would unfold.

As I watched the two dogs, Roxy’s attitude served to remind me that while you can be as fearless and as feisty as you want to be, there are times when the odds are stacked against you.

In other words, in order to survive, we have to pick and choose our battles.

As for the cat, he served to remind me that no matter what we decide, there will always be an eyewitness to account for what went down.

Today I’m linking up with Heidi’s Black and White Wednesday.

Have a good one!

Who’s watching you?

Roxy spent the better part of the morning sunning herself on the balcony.

While I, on the other hand, slaved away doing housework.

As I was walked past the picture window on my way upstairs, I noticed she wasn’t laying down but instead, was staring intently at something.

I followed her gaze’s direction, and saw what she was looking at.

A gray dove had made a rest stop on the rooftop of the little sheds that line the back side of the building.

Unaware it was being stared at, it slowly walked around before flying away.

An hour later, Roxy and I headed to our favorite park for our mid-day walk.

On our way there, Roxy stopped to do her business.

As I waited for her to finish, I looked up to see this little fellow staring down at us.

I thought it was amusing how just this morning, the dove had been the object of Roxy’s attention, and now we were being scrutinized by this lovely animal.

Both of these scenarios served to confirm something conspiracy theorists have been telling us for years.

And it’s that, there’s always someone or something watching you; your actions never go unobserved.

So ladies, here’s a newsflash for you.

The time you stopped in what appeared to be a deserted street to tug at your underwear? You were probably being watched.

The time you were in a dressing room and thought it would be a good time to pick your nose? More than likely, whoever watches the security cameras witnessed you in the act.

The time you grabbed your man’s ass and thought only the two of you were privy to your indiscretion? Yep, someone was watching.

The time you adjusted the girls who were smashed together in a shirt that was too tight? Yep, someone saw that too.

The time you littered thinking there wasn’t anyone in sight to witness your misdemeanor? You were wrong. Somebody saw.

The time you picked your teeth because you didn’t have dental floss and had a piece of parsley wedged between your front teeth? Someone saw you do that too.

The time you did a breath check right before you met your date, boyfriend, or husband? Yes, someone witnessed that.

And the time you popped a zit because there was no way you were showing up to dinner sporting that disgusting thing on your face? Someone saw exactly how you did it.

Yes, ladies, we are indeed not alone.

There are regular mirrors, two-way mirrors, windows, cameras, video cameras, street cams, security cams, and binoculars everywhere.

My point is, if you don’t want to be featured on YouTube, have your photo plastered on someone’s blog, or in the “Don’ts” section of Glamour magazine, don’t do anything in public that can come back to bite you in the ass.

Take it from me.

I was adjusting my underpants when this cat was looking down at us.

If animals could talk, his or her owner would know by now that I was wearing another pair of reject underwear; white and pink polka-dotted ones with a lace trim.

Underpants, which I thought were cute, but that unfortunately cut off any blood flow to my femoral artery.

And yes, you guessed it, they’re headed to the reject pile as we speak.

So remember, someone is watching you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

When was the last time you did something you thought no one was watching you do?