Who wants a helping of Arrow with a side of Diggle?


cc licensed ( BY NC SD ) flickr photo shared by NiteLynx

I wanted to start off this post expressing my gratitude to all of you for asking me how my knee is doing.

I also wanted to give you an update.

After four months of being diagnosed with a tear in the meniscus, I seem to be improving slowly.

Very slowly.

There are days I think my knee is never going to produce scar tissue and I’m going to be left hobbling like a hobbit forever.

Nevertheless, I continue to wear my brace, elevate my leg, and sleep.

I find myself sleeping a lot.

Which is funny, given I’ve suffered from insomnia for most of my life.

And because I find myself dozing off during the day, I’m awake at odd hours of the night.

So, much like a vampire, I find myself limping meandering through the house, looking for something to nibble on, donning my blanket as a cape.

Sadly, little Roxy has also adopted this sleeping/non-sleeping pattern and seems to be eating round the clock.

We’ve come to embrace this way of life.

So much in fact, that we’re ready to audition as extras in the next Twilight sequel.

But I digress.

Last night, as I tossed and turned on the uncomfortable little couch in the family room, I thought it best to get up and find a way to induce sleep.

As I browsed the list of the many TV episodes I haven’t watched, I came across one of the last episodes of Arrow.

I don’t know what made me think watching this show was going to make me sleepy.

Why?

Because one minute into the episode, watching the protagonist train bare-chested and glistening with sweat, I was salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

And no, on this occasion I will not apologize for objectifying this amazing specimen.

Glued to my computer screen, hot tea dribbling onto my pajama shirt, I sat mesmerized looking at the most sculpted abs I have ever seen.

Roxy, aware of my drooling, jumped on the couch to see what was causing my hypnotic state.

Halfway through the episode, the desire to sleep long forgotten, Diggle, another male character, appeared shirtless.

At this point, I frantically looked around the room searching for anything that could substitute for a paper bag.

You know, in case I started hyperventilating.

Yet, it seems unfair to objectify discuss these characters without giving a synopsis of the show.

The show Arrow, a modern depiction of the DC Comic character Green Arrow, features billionaire playboy Oliver Queen, who after being shipwrecked on an island for five years, returns home to Sterling City. His family soon comes to realize that Oliver is a changed man. However, Oliver is not the only one who has changed. His beloved city has taken a turn for the worse–overwrought with crime and corruption, it is now at the hands of criminals who exploit the innocent. With the help of his bodyguard John Diggle, Oliver will assume the identity of Arrow, a vigilante whose mission is clean up the city and right the wrongs committed by his father. The show airs on the CW on Wednesday at 8pm, eastern standard time.

And there you have it.

If you haven’t seen this show, I highly recommend it.

It is action packed, the acting passes muster, and it features men who are more than willing to whip off their shirts.

Nevertheless, because the show doesn’t feature a warning, I feel it my sisterly duty to provide one.

Not recommended to those battling insomnia. Viewing the male characters may cause heart palpitations, impair your ability to speak, and produce sweaty palms. Use care until you become familiar with the plot and the protagonist’s insistence to bare his chest and perform the “salmon ladder” stunt, in which he hoists himself up a series of metal rungs whilst only holding a long, metal bar. Other symptoms might include vertigo, excessive salivation,and biting of the lips. Proceed to watch only after you have passed a physical exam and/or your physician has given you green light. Repeated viewing may cause addiction and drooling. It is recommended you have a paper towel with you at all times. Interrupted viewing may result in withdrawal symptoms.

Watch at your own risk!

Have you watched the show Arrow?

Disclaimer: The following post is written for entertainment purposes only and does not offer real psychiatric or medical advice. Information provided in the post should not be construed as professional advice. In addition, while I don’t support the objectification of men or women, comments provided in the post serve to confirm that the CW has been successful in targeting a female demographic.

Can you pour me some coffee while I peruse Facebook?

Last night, upon arriving from having dinner with the Significant Other, I was greeted at the door by the Son.

“Judging by Auntie M’s Facebook update, she’s either trying to snag an audition on Comedy Central, or she’s off her meds again.”

“Very funny. Let me see.”

There, for all the Facebook trolls to see, my sister had posted the following update:

“Louie, why didn’t you marry me? And more importantly, why didn’t you follow your dream of becoming a sanitation engineer?”

When I clicked on Louie’s profile, I realized he was one of my sister’s old high school boyfriends. And no, he had not gone on to become a sanitation engineer.

Instead, his public profile revealed he was a martial arts expert and a hot shot actor in Singapore.

“Aren’t you curious to know if any of your old boyfriends are on Forbes’ Wealthiest Men list, Mom?”

“I seriously doubt any of those jocks are having cocktails with the Donald.”

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you use my Facebook for 30 minutes so you can look up all your old flames.”

Curious to see if any of the Romeos from my past had shared Louie’s good fortune, I asked the Son to pour me a cup of coffee and began my search.

Thirty minutes later, making use of FBI skills I didn’t know I possessed, I had managed to find forty percent of my previous suitors.

I smiled broadly as one profile after another revealed that these boys had not aged well.

Receding hair lines, double chins, male pattern baldness, and bags under the eyes characterized the once coveted athletes I used to date.

Some claimed to be “in a relationship,” but judging from their badly taken self portraits, I couldn’t understand how this was possible.

Scolding myself for being so shallow, I admitted there was a possibility that these once handsome men could very well have turned out to be exceptional human beings.

Ashamed of myself for fixating on their physical appearance, I relinquished the laptop to the Son and stepped into the kitchen to make another pot of coffee.

“So, are any of your exes candidates for the cover of GQ magazine?”

“No. More like for the cover of National Geographic.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse.”

The Son was still laughing when I put the mocha pot on the stove.

And so was I.

What started out as a giggle, turned into a thigh slapping, hearty, belly laugh.

I laughed as I remembered the times many of them had said, “I want to break up.”

I laughed for having been silly enough to cry and think the world had come to an end.

I laughed at the realization that everything happens for a reason.

I laughed because if I had Facebook, my status update today would be: “Mark, Steve, Fernando, Tony, Lucas, Michael, Danny, Giles, Edward, and Enrique, who’s laughing now?”

Have you looked up old boyfriends/girlfriends on Facebook?

Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent.