Is this book on your shelves?

cc licensed ( BY NC ND ) flickr photo shared by Jody Art

Dear Barnes & Noble Staff:

Divorce is ugly.

The couple in the relationship knows it. Their respective families know it. Even the neighbors know it. But more than anyone, the best friend knows it.

How do I know this? Because I’m the best friend.

I’ve scoured bookstores, the Web, and even yard sales, searching for a handbook that will show me the ropes.

And we’re not talking instructions on how to act, what to say, or how to listen.

We’re talking, a guidebook on how to dissuade your best friend from doing the absurd, the reckless, and above all, the crazy.

Best friends need an instruction manual that will tell us how to convince the soon to be divorcée that no, it’s not a good idea to buy night vision goggles so we can do a stakeout, in a rental car, waiting to see who comes in or out of a soon to be ex’s house.

We need to know how to prevent our best friend from climbing out on a fourth floor ledge, attempting to capture shots of her husband and his new squeeze.

We need to know how to talk her out of driving to a 24 hour Walmart at 3am, only so she can buy craft materials to make a voodoo doll.

And we definitely need guidance regarding how to prevent a best friend from posting an ad on Craiglist titled, “Hitman for hire.”

So yes, I’m at the end of my rope.

I’m desperately searching for an e-book, instruction manual, or any book whose title resembles something along the lines of “How to Get Through Divorce: The Best Friend’s Guide.”

Alas, divorce is ugly, but a prepared best friend can prevent it from getting uglier than it has to be.

If you feel you have any book on your shelves that remotely addresses this situation, I’d be grateful if you would let me know.

If you don’t, perhaps you know writers who are willing to write this type of book.

If however, you can’t assist me in any way with my plight, I’d like to offer my services to write a book, manual, or at the very least, a pamphlet, that will help other people in my circumstances.

I hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience and thank you for your cooperation regarding this matter.

A best friend who’s ready to hang herself with a real rope