Good day, everyone!
On Saturday, the Significant Other went to a bachelor party.
We had this gem of a conversation on Friday night and I just had to share it with you.
Significant Other: “Don’t forget tomorrow is Larry’s bachelor party.”
Me: “An Alzheimer’s sufferer wouldn’t forget given the amount of times you’ve mentioned it this past week.”
Significant Other: “I’m just making sure that ten minutes before I walk out the door, I’m not met with the ‘Why are you springing this on me last minute?’ speech.”
Me: “Maybe that happens because springing things last minute is your strategy for getting away with murder.”
Significant Other: “Yeah, like I go out so much with the ball and chain you’ve attached to my ankle. I should warn Larry that being married is like wearing an electronic monitoring device.”
Me: “I’ll remember you said that the next time I have to cook. So what activities do you guys have planned before Larry gets fitted with his own device?”
Significant Other: “I don’t know. Larry’s brother is in charge of the festivities.”
Me: “Are you practicing your escape and evade tactic again? Is this your way of keeping me in the dark about your plan to reenact the movie, The Hangover?”
Significant Other: “Now there’s a thought. Hand me the phone. I’m calling Larry’s brother to suggest it.
Me: “Yes, by all means. I’ll alert the media that a bunch of middle age men are having a mid-life crisis simultaneously and that a monkey and a tiger may be involved.”
Significant Other: Don’t forget to mention that I bear a striking resemble to Bradley Cooper.
Me: “You mean, Bradley Pooper? You don’t even resemble the guy who gets his tooth yanked out AFTER he’s had his tooth yanked out.”
Significant Other: “You’d better pray there aren’t any exotic dancers at this bachelor party or they’re gonna want to be all over this.” (Makes circular gesture around his midsection)
Me: “You mean, with a can of Mace?”
Significant Other: “You wish. Lucky for you Larry’s brother told me we’re keeping it on the low down.”
Me: “You mean, on the ‘down low’?”
Significant Other: “Whatever. We’re renting Mopeds and cruising the city.”
Me: “Dear God. Now this I have to see! A bunch of middle-aged men driving around the roundabout on Mopeds. It’s too bad I strive for a certain level of anonymity on my blog or I’d tape you fools and post the video. I’m sure that would guarantee me a few laughs.”
Significant Other: “Like you aren’t already scheming to post this conversation on your blog.”
Me: “You know it. So are there going to be any strippers at the bachelor party?”
Significant Other: “I don’t think so. Larry’s not into that stuff.”
Me: “Unless Larry’s gay, I’m sure he’s into it. You don’t really expect me to believe you guys are just going to sit in a circle singing Kumbaya while you braid each other’s hair, do you?”
Significant Other: “I don’t think there’s going to be any strippers. Now strips clubs, I can’t guarantee.”
Me: “As long as you’re not tucking any of my hard earned money into some stripper’s G-string.
Significant Other: “Don’t you mean, MY hard earned money?”
Me: “Hey, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours.”
Significant Other: “Great. That makes me the proud joint owner of a box of old books and the three year old laptop you’re sharing with the Son.”
Me: “Don’t forget the seven year old point-and-shoot.”
Significant Other: “I bought that.”
Me: “Same thing.”
Significant Other: “Yeah, right.”
Me: “So, who’s the designated driver?”
Significant Other: “The taxi driver.”
Me: “Am I to assume you fools won’t be drinking and driving your Mopeds into oncoming traffic?”
Significant Other: “Nope. That’s why the Mopeds are the first thing on our activities roster.”
Me: “And are you stealing a monkey?”
Significant Other: “Of course not!”
Me: “Good. Cause there’s no money to pay for an implant if someone pulls your tooth out for stealing a monkey.”
Significant Other: “Is that what happened in the movie?”
Me: “I don’t remember, but it might be what happens in your reenactment.”
Significant Other: “I should phone Larry’s brother to call dibs on Bradley Cooper’s character.”
Me: “Pooper. You’re calling dibs on Bradley Pooper!”
Significant Other: “Bite me.”
Me: “I think the monkey should have the honor.”
Significant Other: “Don’t get jealous when women are lining up for my autograph.”
Me: “Don’t forget to sign your name, Bradley Pooper. With a P.”
Significant Other: “Hater.”
Significant Other: “Lets call this one a draw.”
Me: “Only if you sign your pretend name with a P.”
When was the last time your significant other went to a bachelor party?
Note: Names have been changed to protect the clueless. Clueless as in, they don’t know I’m writing this.