Can I put my clothes back on?


cc licensed flickr photo shared by MBK (Marjie)

Have you ever had one of those days where the only words to describe the events that unfold are “WTF?”

Yes ladies, this is one of those posts.

I’ll start by mentioning that if you’ve ever doubted the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy, don’t.

It’s all too real. I promise you.

I say this because as I slowly drank my first cup of coffee this morning, I kept thinking, “Today’s going to be a bad day.”

Why was I thinking this? Because today was “mammogram day.”

For any of you who have had to undergo the excruciating experience, please back me up when I say it sucks.

Nevertheless, there are some situations in life which can’t be avoided and like a fearless warrior, I put on my coat and embarked on my mission.

The first thing I noticed upon my arrival at the breast clinic, was that there was an unusual amount of women waiting.

(A good thing, since it means women are taking breast-care a lot more seriously.)

After a few minutes, I became aware of constant mumbling between some of the women sitting close to me.

Hushed voices exchanged phrases of “I hope I don’t get him,” and “It’s my first time so I definitely don’t want him” and even more alarming, “He has huge hands so imagine the pulling.” WTF?

I couldn’t imagine what these women were chattering about but I decided it was none of my business.

So instead, I turned my attention to my latest issue of Glamour.

Suddenly, a large, burly man made his way to the waiting room and called out a name.

I heard someone gasp behind me.

Two seconds later, a woman was walking away head held low; her purse squeezed between her hands.

Again the murmuring started. “Poor thing,” “What bad luck!” WTF?

Why and where was that woman being taken?

I should have been aware of the foreshadowing, but at that instant I spotted a coffee machine in the hallway.

No sooner had I taken three sips of my coffee, when the woman who had been called came out of one of the x-ray rooms, flustered and red-faced.

Instead of dwelling on the why of her predicament, I turned my attention to my cup of steaming coffee.

The large, burly man again made his way to the waiting room and called out my name.

This time, the murmuring seemed louder than ever.

Five heads turned in my direction and I could swear I saw pity in their gazes. WTF?

Innocently I followed the man into the little changing room and waited for the lady tech to make an appearance.

Imagine my dismay when ten seconds later the same large, burly man is instructing me to remove the clothing of the upper half of my body because “he’s” going to do the mammogram. WTF?

I wondered if I was even ready to disrobe for a stranger; to have him prod, tug, pull, and accommodate “the girls” between the cold planks of the mammogram machine.

In the few minutes it took for me to undress, all l could think was, “God, why do you hate me so much?”

An impatient “tsk” interrupted my reverie and I was left to do the only thing I could, bare my chest for the large, burly man.

I was mortified, to say the least.

I didn’t even flinch when he pressed what seemed like another thousand pounds on “Thelma.”

I just wanted it to be over.

Ten minutes later, I was instructed to “put my clothes back on.”

Like a stripper who just fell from the dance pole, I shamefacedly complied.

As I walked past the waiting room, I tried not to make eye contact with any of the other women.

However, that was until I heard the booming male voice call out the next victim’s name.

I couldn’t resist turning around to give the woman the same pitying look I had received twenty minutes earlier.

Call me retro and old-fashioned but really, when did men start doing mammograms and why in the hell wasn’t I informed?

I would have prepared myself mentally, practiced visualization, meditated, or worn a better bra.

Thirty minutes later, I was almost home. As I was about to cross the street, this is what I encountered.

WTF?

It’s just one of those days, ladies. One of those days.

Have you ever had to do a mammogram with a man? If so, how was it?

Spill, ladies, spill!

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18 thoughts on “Can I put my clothes back on?

  1. well, it’s not so strange here, because the technician that gives you an ultrasound scan can gives you a mammogram too!, so I was treated by male and female technicians. And I think it’s equally disgusting!! (very few things can cheer me up in days like that!)
    cheer up, Bella, it’s just a moment and it’s passed away!
    besos

    1. Señora Allnut, it’s good to know I am not alone. I hate the procedure as well but somehow it invokes more anxiety when a man is doing it. That said, you’re right. Thank goodness it’s passed! Besos!

  2. Bella, I find this truly shocking. I’ve only ever had a mammo in the US, and it’s always been with a female tech. There’s no way in hell I’d disrobe for a male tech or allow him to put a hand on me. (So I say now, but had it happened to me the way it did to you, I might have been too genuinely shocked to protest!) Mammos are traumatic/invasive enough without bringing testosterone into the equation. Really excellent post!

    1. Aw Jann, I’m tickled pink you enjoyed it! I hear you and I second you, my sister! I’m relieved you feel the same way! And you are right, I was floored with the entire process. Here I was expecting it to be a lady tech and it was the large, burly man who barked the order of “disrobe!” :)

  3. I have only had my baseline done, and it wasn’t a super bad experience. It would have been if Mister Meaty had done it, it was bad enough that the tech I had just seemed really bored. I realize she wasn’t supposed to jump up and down and say “MY GOODNESS YOU HAVE HUGE BAZOOMBAS” but an occasional smile would have been nice.

    Glad you had the procedure done, as we need to make sure the “girls” stay healthy, but a man is a bit much. So mia Bella, take heart it is done for another year! The bird thing…..yeah that was weird too!

  4. Oh my goodness, how horrible! You poor thing! I wonder if the guy wasn’t just some perv off the street. ;-) Maybe he was the bird’s owner?

    I have the worst pap smear story ever, but it’s too whack for telling just now. Ha ha!

  5. No mammograms yet, but I will definitely not be getting one from a dude. I can’t even imagine; poor Bella! Your experience is the textbook definition of insult to injury my friend! That being said, I am glad you are taking care of yourself and keeping a sense of humor about life’s little indignities. You rock Bella.

  6. I’m sorry that went so badly for you, he sounds awful! I’ve only had one, and my tech was female and smooshed me slowly, so it wasn’t bad.

    Oddly enough, my first pelvic was done by a male Army doctor when I had my entrance physical… and it was the easiest one I’ve ever had! Weird, huh?

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