Do pets get even?

Good day, everyone!

As I count down the days to this blog’s first year’s anniversary, I realize that there’s something I must share with you.

And that something would be the very first post I wrote about Roxy.

As you all know, Roxy is not only an important part of my life, she’s an important character in this blog.

She’s my walking partner, my laughing partner, and I’m sure that if I had to rob a bank, she’d be my lookout.

With this in mind, I give you a “vintage” Roxy post titled,

Do pets get even?

The other day my son made the following observation about our dog Roxy, “This dog sure has a great life.”

Roxy’s head shot up and she had a funny look on her face; it was as if she was sneering, “Dude, you’ve got it all wrong.”

I’m sure if Roxy could talk she’d set us straight.

She’d tell us we should be the ones squatting to pee when there’s ten inches of snow on the ground.

She’d point out the fact that her paws freeze in the winter and cook in the summer because we take her on walks she doesn’t want to take.

She’d say we should have a go at sniffing the ground where other dogs have already done their business.

She’d indicate that she’s ready to trade her dog food for our sirloin steak.

Yes, I’m sure Roxy would readily hand over her collar and leash to me and say, “Here, put these on and I’ll lead you around.”

She’d mention how she’s tired of learning new tricks only to get a doggie treat that tastes like three-day old fish.

She’d state that she’s sick of wearing the little outfits I put on her and suggest I wear them instead.

She’d tell me I’m a liar when I say everything’s going to be okay and the vet is coming at her with a three inch needle.

Yes, if Roxy could talk they’d set the record straight by announcing she’s done.

No more canned dog food that leaves her breath smelling like ass.

No more being thrown a lame stick and ordered to fetch.

No more being woken up early in the morning to pee and poop when it’s snowing or raining.

No more flea collars that makes her skin itch.

And yet throughtout the unfairness of not having a voice, little Roxy has discovered a way to balance out the universe: She gets even.

She poops and pees in the house the instant she comes in from her thirty minute walk.

She hurls on the leather sofas.

She chews on shoes and doesn’t discriminate whether they’re Chucks, Clarks, or God knows who.

She scratches the hardwood floors, hides socks in her bed, lies on my cashmere sweater, and tangles me in her leash every chance that she gets.

Yep, little Roxy may be stuck being a dog in this life but if she could talk she’d ask, “From one bitch to another, who’s the one picking up the poop?”

14 thoughts on “Do pets get even?

  1. LOL! Having had a few of my own, I’d say yes, they DO get even and if my dogs were here, they’d say the same exact things that Roxy has said. ;-)

    Paz

    • You’re right, Paz, their language is universal. That’s why when Roxy meets other dogs on the street and they huddle together, I think they’re conspiring! :)

  2. Bella…..
    You are such a good writer. I actually “snorted” when reading this. I have cats, and I often wonder if they are thinking the same things. My husband swears that one of the cats is on a mission of death for him. She always runs between his legs when he goes down the stairs. He swears that she is telepathically tell him to “die fucker die”, all because she can see the bottom of the food bowl.
    Here is to Roxy, and her poop cleaner upper.
    Georgia

    • And Georgia, you had me chuckling with this comment! Your poor husband! If it’s any consolation to him, tell him I think cats have in for most men, sexist as that sounds! :)

  3. I am positive that if i have a pet, my pet would have its own voice. I’ll let her choose what she wants to wear .. by laying a selection of clothes on the ground (which of course I have pre-selected but she didn’t need to know that, that way she feels empowered). so she can be fashionable and have her own blog.

    • Oh Dee, and what a pet blog that would be! Roxy and I would be some of your most faithful followers! :) Here’s to empowered pets the world over! Woot woot!

  4. [No more canned dog food that leaves her breath smelling like ass.] Buahahha! But what about doggie gas? Maddie has this habit of pointing her butt in my direction and cutting the cheese. Then she trots off as nothing happened.

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