cc licensed ( BY NC SD ) flickr photo shared by pynomoscato
Good day, everyone!
On Saturday, the Significant Other went to a bachelor party.
We had this gem of a conversation on Friday night and I just had to share it with you.
Enjoy!
Significant Other: “Don’t forget tomorrow is Larry’s bachelor party.”
Me: “An Alzheimer’s sufferer wouldn’t forget given the amount of times you’ve mentioned it this past week.”
Significant Other: “I’m just making sure that ten minutes before I walk out the door, I’m not met with the ‘Why are you springing this on me last minute?’ speech.”
Me: “Maybe that happens because springing things last minute is your strategy for getting away with murder.”
Significant Other: “Yeah, like I go out so much with the ball and chain you’ve attached to my ankle. I should warn Larry that being married is like wearing an electronic monitoring device.”
Me: “I’ll remember you said that the next time I have to cook. So what activities do you guys have planned before Larry gets fitted with his own device?”
Significant Other: “I don’t know. Larry’s brother is in charge of the festivities.”
Me: “Are you practicing your escape and evade tactic again? Is this your way of keeping me in the dark about your plan to reenact the movie, The Hangover?”
Significant Other: “Now there’s a thought. Hand me the phone. I’m calling Larry’s brother to suggest it.
Me: “Yes, by all means. I’ll alert the media that a bunch of middle age men are having a mid-life crisis simultaneously and that a monkey and a tiger may be involved.”
Significant Other: Don’t forget to mention that I bear a striking resemble to Bradley Cooper.
Me: “You mean, Bradley Pooper? You don’t even resemble the guy who gets his tooth yanked out AFTER he’s had his tooth yanked out.”
Significant Other: “You’d better pray there aren’t any exotic dancers at this bachelor party or they’re gonna want to be all over this.” (Makes circular gesture around his midsection)
Me: “You mean, with a can of Mace?”
Significant Other: “You wish. Lucky for you Larry’s brother told me we’re keeping it on the low down.”
Me: “You mean, on the ‘down low’?”
Significant Other: “Whatever. We’re renting Mopeds and cruising the city.”
Me: “Dear God. Now this I have to see! A bunch of middle-aged men driving around the roundabout on Mopeds. It’s too bad I strive for a certain level of anonymity on my blog or I’d tape you fools and post the video. I’m sure that would guarantee me a few laughs.”
Significant Other: “Like you aren’t already scheming to post this conversation on your blog.”
Me: “You know it. So are there going to be any strippers at the bachelor party?”
Significant Other: “I don’t think so. Larry’s not into that stuff.”
Me: “Unless Larry’s gay, I’m sure he’s into it. You don’t really expect me to believe you guys are just going to sit in a circle singing Kumbaya while you braid each other’s hair, do you?”
Significant Other: “I don’t think there’s going to be any strippers. Now strips clubs, I can’t guarantee.”
Me: “As long as you’re not tucking any of my hard earned money into some stripper’s G-string.
Significant Other: “Don’t you mean, MY hard earned money?”
Me: “Hey, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours.”
Significant Other: “Great. That makes me the proud joint owner of a box of old books and the three year old laptop you’re sharing with the Son.”
Me: “Don’t forget the seven year old point-and-shoot.”
Significant Other: “I bought that.”
Me: “Same thing.”
Significant Other: “Yeah, right.”
Me: “So, who’s the designated driver?”
Significant Other: “The taxi driver.”
Me: “Am I to assume you fools won’t be drinking and driving your Mopeds into oncoming traffic?”
Significant Other: “Nope. That’s why the Mopeds are the first thing on our activities roster.”
Me: “And are you stealing a monkey?”
Significant Other: “Of course not!”
Me: “Good. Cause there’s no money to pay for an implant if someone pulls your tooth out for stealing a monkey.”
Significant Other: “Is that what happened in the movie?”
Me: “I don’t remember, but it might be what happens in your reenactment.”
Significant Other: “I should phone Larry’s brother to call dibs on Bradley Cooper’s character.”
Me: “Pooper. You’re calling dibs on Bradley Pooper!”
Significant Other: “Bite me.”
Me: “I think the monkey should have the honor.”
Significant Other: “Don’t get jealous when women are lining up for my autograph.”
Me: “Don’t forget to sign your name, Bradley Pooper. With a P.”
Significant Other: “Hater.”
Me: “Poser.”
Significant Other: “Lets call this one a draw.”
Me: “Only if you sign your pretend name with a P.”
When was the last time your significant other went to a bachelor party?
Note: Names have been changed to protect the clueless. Clueless as in, they don’t know I’m writing this.
gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com 
I hope we never have to go through the bachelor party scenario again. I’ve never understood why guys want to have one big night of acting like apes before they get married. But they don’t seem to understand the necessity of girl talk, either, so I guess we’re as baffling to them as they are to us. I hope you don’t have to bail your S.O. out of jail. :)
Shary, thankfully, he’s home now, safe and sound. It appears that if they did make fools out of themselves, he’s keeping mum. How like a man, right? hee hee! :)
Loved your conversation with the SO. So candid and frank. I also found Hangover to be a very enjoyable film. And, if your SO looks halfway like Bradley C or P, then you’ve got yourself a hottie, my friend. Can I assume he’s back at home by now and fully recovered from the bachelor party?
Monica, The Hangover is one of my favorite films! Woman, if the Signficant Other looked half as hot as Bradley Cooper, I wouldn’t be blogging! hee hee! Although, after a couple of glasses of vino, he sort of starts looking like anyone I want him to look like! bwhahaha! The man of the hour is now safely snuggled in bed. It appears that any hangover he may have suffered has now passed. I think the gallons of water he drank when he came home may have helped! :)
I can’t remember. My hubby’s brothers are very tame, they are not a wild bunch, or I am stupid. Either one!
Jodi, I guess some men are really tame and above turning themselves into drunken frat boys with events like these! Lets give your hubby and his brothers the benefit of the doubt, shall we? :)
I have no idea where he goes or when or what for, but all I can say here is that reading your posts Bella on a Monday Morning after an eventful week end, is the BEST way to start a new week on a Monday morning with a good laugh!!!! Much love !
Nikky, you words are much appreciated and allow me to start off my week right! Thank you! And I’m glad that you seem to be laid back about where and what your hubby does! It shows either great trust, your own sense of identity, or both! Good for you! Much love for you too! :)
I wish you were right in that Bella :(
Chin up, Nikki! You’ll get there. Just you wait and see! :)
SO never went to a bachelor party, as far as i know (meaning, unless he went during working hours, which would be impossible with his boss). Actually, I don’t even know about anyone who went or had a bachelor party – on the other hand, I do know a woman for whom a bachelorette party was planned. She’s kinda shy, and those who planned it decided to take her to a lady’s striptease club. I don’t know if they actually did it, though. :)
Ivana, I think it would be hard for a shy woman to go to a lady’s strip bar! Yowza! hee hee! I think that’s why it’s important for the person who’s organizing the event to consider what the honoree is like. Now I, on the other hand, would be okay with watching Chippendale models rip their clothes off! hee hee! :)
Why, oh why, does anybody use the seriousness of a wedding to preceed it with shenanigans that could jeopardize it? If hubs-to-be wants to visit strip clubs, shouldn’t he reconsider the whole ‘wedding’ concept? Our guys like to hunt or fish or go horseback riding as a ‘salute’ to the wedding. Of course, they probably scare the poor groom to death with tales of chores and horrors of laundry hanging from the shower. Come to think of it, I don’t know which is worse. LOL.
Renee, oh my God yes! I don’t know which is worse! hee hee! I agree with you–many wedding plans have come to a complete halt due to raunchy bachelor or bachelorette parties. Or is that just in movies? ha! I think it’s okay for a man or woman to have a last “taste of freedom” as long as people behave with some decorum. And no shenanigans that will jeopardize the marriage! :)
“You don’t really expect me to believe you guys are just going to sit in a circle singing Kumbaya while you braid each other’s hair, do you?”
^That up there had me guffawing – almost spitting out my beloved cinnamon coffee. So.funny. :-) xoxo
Ellen, no! Not the cinnamon coffee! hee hee! I’m sorry this line almost resulted in your dropping even a drop of your beloved java. That’s almost a sacrilege you know! hee hee! I am glad that it made you laugh though! :)
Men will be boys :) your significant other was being very frank and open about the bachelor party and you were being very suspicious of the poor guy ;) Loved the goodnatured bantering…
Sulekha, you’re right–I was being a bit suspicious. But you know the saying, “You fool me once, shame on you. You fool me twice, shame on me!” I was not going to take any chances! hee hee! Would you believe this type of bantering always results in us laughing like crazy? :)
****Like you aren’t already scheming to post this conversation on your blog.”***
HaaaaaaaHAaaaaaaa.
Superb conversation between your sig. other & YOU!
I just LOVE coming over here for a bit of a giggle, my darling Bella.
Kisssssssssssssssssssssssses. xx
PS. an update on the strippers, please.
btw, my next blog will be an interview w/ a former stripper. Ironic.
Kim, I just have to read that interview of yours! We’re on the same creative wavelength, you and I! How cool is that! If I posted an update of the bachelor party, you ladies wouldn’t believe half of what happened! You’ve given me a great idea. I shall consider it! Stay tuned! Kisses for you from Roxy and me! :)
Wow…you are brave. Men scare me. I think you’ve got to be strong with him, like you are and just remember you’re the best thing he’s got and don’t you forget that. The real thing is the best thing.
I wish guys weren’t so stupid and vain and led around by their little point and shoots. It’s quite tragic.
Patrice, thanks for the reminder! I’m feeling stronger and braver already! hee hee! I’ll admit that I’m never shy when it comes to reminding the Significant Other that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. I’m terrible, aren’t I? But men do need these little reminders now and then; so they don’t take us for granted. I’m just sayin’. :)
so true! they do need reminders…
Another thing to add to our already mile long “to do” list! Sigh. :)
it’s hard being a grown-up ;)
Patrice, I think that explains why I love getting in touch with my inner child so much! ha! :)
omg…that makes so much sense!!!! We should write a post on the things we do when we go on playdates with the IC.
Go for it! I’ll be the first people to pop over to your place to have a read! Blog fodder for you: what happens when you let your inner child take center stage/take over/guide you, and so forth. Let me know what happens! :)
Oh my, what a hoot!! This post brought a smile to my face followed by a sense of dread. I can’t remember the last time DH went to a bachelor party or that I have gone to a bachelorette party for that matter! None have ever done justice to the movies however (thank God!).
I just realized, however, that my husband’s brother is due to get married (again) this fall. I’d forgotten all about this nonsense and am now worried :(
So you will post the sequel (how it all went down with the ‘down low’ or ‘low down’) will you not?
Astra, do I have a story to tell! I swear you ladies are going to say, what??? And it’s not because of outlandish behavior but more like something you’d never think would happen to a grown man! Stay tuned! Oh, oh…sounds like you have a bachelor party in the horizon as well! Now that’s a post you have to write! With your wonderful sense of humor, you’ll have us howling, I’m sure! :)
Bradley Pooper! hahahaha. Oh Bella, you did it again. My husband hasn’t been to a bachelor’s party in a long time. Actually, I’m not even sure he’s ever been to one. If he has, then I must’ve blocked it out of my mind…
Laura, I love the feeling you give me of “Oops, you did it again!” Yay! hee hee! I’m delighted you think so, friend! I think your hubby would be a totally behaved gentleman. No shenanigans for him, like Renee says! hee hee! And if that isn’t true, “selective amnesia” sounds like the perfect alternate tool! ha! :)
yeah, you make me laugh once more time, so funny to read that conversation!!, mwhahaha, a bunch of middle-aged men driving around the roundabout on Mopeds!!
And Mr.Allnut and I never have had this kind of conversation, because we’ve never assisted any bachelor party nor hen party. I think our friends are unconventional people or something.
besos & risas
Mrs. Allnut, I think it might be a very good thing that your friends don’t follow these clichéd rituals! Think of the angst you’re avoiding! hee hee! Can you see this bunch driving around on their scooters! Oh my goodness, what a sight! I’m thrilled to have made you giggle! Besos y risas, amiga! :)
Hubby-to-be (now ex!) and I both had “bachelor” parties before our wedding. Both were extremely tame, compared to the high jinks talked about these days. Too bad you can’t get some video of the middle-aged men riding around on their Mopeds — we could use a chuckle!
Debbie, if only that had been possible! I would totally oust these men; reveal them behaving like big kids! Who knows, there might be another bachelor party in the future and if that’s the case, I’ll be ready! Anything to make all of you chuckle! :)
This is such a funny story. I remember throwing my friends Bachelorette party, and we had later found out that night that her hubby to be had his at this bar right down the street, which we called the “STD Bar” (due to the pretty much naked girls standing outside of it advertising it). He actually hated it!
Kirstin Marie, the STD bar? bwhahaha! I love it! The same thing happened to my sister’s best friend’s husband. His buddies planned a night at a strip club and he thought it was too clichéd and wasn’t the least impressed. I say, give those men a gold star! hee hee! :)
I dread Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. My daughter was going to plan one for me. She is quite the humorous one, but I nixed it. Could not imagine some guy thirty years younger stripping for me and friends. Give me strength! Funny post, Bella. You guys have great banter.
Annie, you nixed the bachelorette party?? Aw! It sounds like your daughter would have planned quite the fun event! I can totally imagine a young man stripping and all the cougars salivating! hee hee! Hey, the way I see it, we have the same rights! And I know you agree! “Give me strength.” hahaha! I love it! I’m so happy you found the post humorous, lady! :)
Hahaha! This is so funny! My boyfriend hasn’t been in one since we got together because our friends are either already married or are in relationships but do not have plans of getting married yet. But I’m sure we’ll have a conversation like this before he leaves for one ;)
Love your blog!
xo,
janmloves.blogspot.com
Jan, hello and welcome! I’m glad to provide you with some idea of what’s to come if your boyfriend is invited to join “male” festivities! For the record, the Significant Other returned in one piece. Whether he suffered animal bites or any other kind, for that matter, is something I’ll always wonder about! hee hee! :)
Great post, love how you make me feel like I was there. very talented writing, thanks!
Eve, it’s been a while since I heard from you, girl! I’m so happy to see your comment on this page! Thank you for your kind words. You know how much they are appreciated! :)
trying to catch up on my reading, I realized how much I enjoyed your posts and will try not to be MIA. changing my email address, how do I NOT lose your posts alerts?
My comments are not kind at all, totally appreciative of your great posts..I have lots to read to catch up
Hi Eve! I think you can subscribe again and posts will be sent to your new email addy. Let me know if you experience difficulties. I am appreciative for your kind words and the fact that you grace this wee space with your presence. Thank you, amiga! :)
Fabulous post, Bella..I just loved the dialog..you crack me up! you know, we’re so ancient now (antiques as my kids say) that this is so foreign to me..I know my SO has been to a bachelor party way back when, but I can’t imagine mopeds now! Too funny..I sure hope your SO made it home safe and sound minus any bites, monkeys or lions! : ) Always good to see your sweet visit!
Shirley, if the Significant Other got bit by the monkey, he’s not sharing! hee hee! I’m so happy you dropped by! And I’m delighted to tickle your funny bone! Keep this dialog in mind in the even your SO gets invited to any bachelor parties. hee hee! :)
Very funny. After watching the Hangover, I’m sure many people get questioned before going out to a bachelor party.
Stacy, I’m glad to have provided you with a chuckle! I think The Hangover did a disservice to men in relationships the world over! ha! :)
Totally in the dark about bachelor parties (other than what I see in the movies . . .) My Husby went to one. One. In our married life. It was my first time making pie, because each of them had to bring a pie. Mine looked good. In fact it was the one chosen by the groom. But I dropped a glass out of the cupboard on it before it went to the party and neither the glass, nor the pie, chipped. Does that tell you anything significant? Now bachelorette parties, I know about, having been to one with my youngest daughter when her best friend was getting married. I think I see a blog post coming up . . .
Diane, please do write a blog post about your bachelorette party experience! I would love to read about it! That must have been one hell of a pie, lady! hee hee! I’m sure it was delicious! :)
why botherrgetting married at all over half of all marriages end in divorce and over 60 percent of men cheat . As far as this trust issue goes women are deluded . men are visual creatures and monogamy is not in them . wake up ladies and get real
Nancy, while marriage may end in divorce, people still harbor the hope that they will achieve the fairy tale ending. It would be jaded and cynical to say people shouldn’t marry because divorce is a likely outcome. I think marriage is what you make of it. There are people who work hard to stay in a relationship and there are those who call it quits at the first sign of trouble. For the record, men are not the only visual creatures. Women are just as visual and as for monogamy, it’s a proven fact that women are more likely to cheat than men. I think we’re completely awake and aware of the stats. Are you?