cc licensed ( BY NC SD ) flickr photo shared by feastoffun.com
Last night, the Significant Other took me to a new Thai restaurant in the city.
The decor was beautiful but upon entering, I noticed the tables were very close to each other.
We were lucky, however, because we were seated next to the window.
A few minutes later, another couple came in and they were directed to the table next to us.
Before sitting down, the woman excused herself to go to the restroom.
When she came back, she had to contortion her body to get in her seat.
As a result, the following conversation with the Significant Other took place:
Me: Did you just check out that woman’s ass?
Significant Other: Who me?
Me: No, the waiter. Yes, you!
Significant Other: Absolutely not!
Me: I saw you do it.
Significant Other: Well, her ass was almost in my face.
Me: Really? That’s what you’re going with?
Significant Other: You yourself said these tables were too close. I was merely ensuring I didn’t make accidental contact.
Me: How considerate of you. I guess you thought it was okay for your eyes to make contact?
Significant Other: This from a woman who’s constantly telling me the guy who lives two doors down has a fine ass.
Me: That’s different.
Significant Other: How so?
Me: Because he does have a fine ass. You, however, have just checked out a woman who has a smaller ass than mine.
Significant Other: I did not check out her ass! I’m perfectly happy with your ass. I was just…
Me: Oh, just stuff some noodles in your mouth and lets call it a day.
This conversation, while humorous, serves to illustrate how double standard we women can be.
Yes, ladies, you read correctly.
Many of us figure it’s okay for us to check out a man’s ass, but consider it completely disrespectful for a man to do the same.
For years men have used the defense of, “We can’t help ourselves. We’re visual creatures.”
However, isn’t this also true of us females?
Aren’t we just as appreciative of a man with well toned arms and broad shoulders?
Do we not drool at the sight of six-pack abs and a tight bum?
Yes, yes we do.
Nevertheless, we’re still, on occasion, just a bit insulted when men oggle our cleavage or stare at our behind.
I wonder if society has conditioned us to believe that it’s expected for men to behave this way, but not so for women.
Or perhaps we’ve convinced ourselves that the only acceptable way to be visually appreciative of the opposite gender, is by sneaking a peek when they aren’t looking.
Whatever the reason, I say it’s time we “woman” up and drop the double standard attitude.
It’s time we break free from the belief that the only time we can objectify men is when we’re attending a bachelorette party.
It’s a new day, sisters, and if men can look, so can we.
If they feel it’s their God-given right to oggle, then it’s damn well ours as well.
Men aren’t the only visual creatures; we’re just as visual as they are.
So by all means, oggle your neighbor’s well toned buttocks.
Just remember, no bitching allowed when your man checks out a woman’s ass in a restaurant.
Even if that ass is smaller than your own.
Does it bother you if your significant other checks out other women?
gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com 
Haha, that’s hilarious! There is definitely a double-standard, but it really doesn’t bother me with my SO checks out another woman, as long as it’s not an every minute occurrence or anything. I really don’t recall it happening too much with him, unless he’s just that sly about it!
Caryn, you are indeed a secure woman, sister! Men have their ways but it sounds like yours is quite considerate! :)
I haven’t noticed SO checking out other women; I don’t check out other men either (although I’m not blind and see that Alexander Skarsgard looks good, but it’s hardly checking out when they show him naked all over the screen). It’s not that we restrain ourselves; while we may notice that there are other living breathing people in the town, we’re not interested in them, we prefer checking each other out.
I guess we sound quite boring. :)
Ivana, I guess that means it works both ways! :)
We’re both old. And we still look. Although it’s more of a glance now. Anything more takes too much effort!
Diane, you crack me up! Nevetheless, glances still count! Good for you! :)
My SO doesn’t really do it when I’m around, or if he does, it isn’t obvious. He will check out women on t.v. though, like the cheerleaders at a football game or some sexy commercial. He does it in a way that bothers me, yes. I try not to make comments about good looking men.
Michael Ann, if it’s any consolation, you are not alone. I have acquaintances who mention their husbands do the same. I tell the Significant Other Javier Bardem is one of the hottest men on the planet! :)
My hubby is more likely to tease me about the appeal of certain actors than to blatantly look at other women. He always says, “I look just like him, right?” Of course, I agree.
hahaha! Do you always agree, Shary? One time the Significant Other asked me if I thought he looked like Ben Affleck and I burst out laughing! :)
That was me at the restaurant. Tell your SO thanks! Just kidding….Total double standard, aboslutely. But I must add that my wandering eyes rarely demean the object of my appreciative glances (how’s THAT for describing oogling), whereas I think men often do, don’t you (I mean not OUR men, of course!)?
Astra, I love, love your description of oggling! And yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you–women rarely “demean the object of appreciative glances.” Men, on the other hand, take liberty with giving our body parts all sorts of unacceptable “synonyms.” Not cool! Thanks for enhancing this post, lady! :)
It used to bother me a lot if the guy I was with started to oogle another woman in my presence. Now it doesn’t seem to bother me so much. Maybe it has to do with my age or confidence – or the fact that I realize, what’s he going to do about it anyway?
Nancy, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Thank you! Indeed, what is he going to do about it? :)
Me: That’s different.
Significant Other: How so?
Me: Because he does have a fine ass. You, however, have just checked out a woman who has a smaller ass than mine
CLASSIC. FAB.
You know, Bella, men and women are sooooooooo different….
When a man glares at a chick’s ass, he thinks about SEX…
When a woman glares at a man’s ass, she thinks just that….”Damn, WHAT A NICE ASS!”
What do you think?
XX Kiss to you and Rox.
Kim, I agree! I think one of the reasons women become bothered by men checking other women out is cause we know they’re probably picturing what she looks like naked. Hey, it’s true! But, like you mention, this isn’t always the case with women. We see a man who’s fit and think, wow he’s in great shape! The only exception I make is when we see six pack abs. Girl, when that happens, there’s more to my thought pattern than, hey, he has good muscle tone! hee hee! :) Roxy and I send you big hugs and kisses!
Alpha Hubby is very, very smart. I have never caught him oogling another woman’s anything. Now we have made a comment to one another, “She is so pretty or has a nice fig or looks good” or something like that but never has he said “Nice butt” about another woman. Now what he does comment on is ugly butts – flat butts drive him nuts. Isn’t that crazy?? I totally agree with you about the double standard – it is even more common now days for women to whistle and oogle abs and butts.
LOVED THIS POST!
Nan, I’m so glad you liked the post! The Significant Other, like your hubs, will sometimes say, “Poor woman. She has no ass.” I always say, “Then why are you looking at it?” hee hee! And no, it’s not crazy that flat butts drive your man bonkers. I think that’s true for most guys! :)
I think it would truly surprise some women the thoughts that run through a man’s head in a split second. A male friend of mine told me that it is perfectly normal to walk into a grocery store and in an instant engage in imaginary sex with the checkout gal with the perfectly sculptured glossy lips. I’ve done my own study and when men feel comfortable enough to confide in me I’ve learned a lot of facts that maybe in hindsight, I’d rather did not clutter my brain. If you’re weak of heart, it’s better not to ask a male about his horngun tendencies. So my advice is stare all you want at a man’s buns of steel, 6-pack, or brawny shoulders. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do!
Annie, indeed we do! I have a male friend who tells me the minute he walks into a bar on happy hour, for example, he’s already stripped down half the women sitting near the entrance. As the evening progresses, he knows who looks good naked and who he wishes would keep her clothes on. It’s men being men. Must be all that testosterone but hey, we can be just as naughty so I say, let the games begin! :)
HAHAHA! Oh Bella, I most definitely am a visual kinda gal! I used to get so upset and jealous of when my husband would just look at anyone… Then I grew up, I think. That or I learned to love my body and be more confident about myself. SO now, I look and he gets upset with me! hahaha
Laura, good for you for being such a liberated woman! I find that having high self-esteem helps with our insecurity issues. And once this little monster has been harnessed, we’re able to go with the flow, sort to say. I’m happy this is your case! :)
I definitely do not mind my hubby looking at other women. Its in our nature as humans to look upon others. Women to women, men to men, women to men, men to women – its just a part of who we are. The reason why I’m so comfortable? He can look all he wants, and I can look all I want, but we know we are going home with each other.
“He can look all he wants, and I can look all I want, but we know we are going home with each other.” Kirstin Marie, I love it! This is what I’m talking about! You got it, girl! I’m happy to see that women are on their way to leaving behind old notions that when their man looks at another woman, it’s a sign that there’s something wrong with the relationship. It’s like you say, both men and women are visual creatures and most of the time, we don’t have to read that much into it. Thanks for adding to the mix, lady! :)
I would ask, but Henry is a man of few words. ;)
Monica, methinks Henry’s a gentleman who is more than content to be in your company. Thus, no sniffing around is necessary! :)
I don’t think my Henry is checking out anyone’s rear, but he does sniff them from time to time. Does it bother me? Maybe, but it’s pointless to complain. Henry is a man of few words. It’s like talking to a wall.
I like to think that Henry is indeed stoic. As for the sniffing around, perhaps the gentleman is making sure there’s no offending odors that would disturb his lady’s sensibilities? :)
I don’t have a significant other but if I did it would bother me a lot if he looked at somebody else. It’s just the way I am. All or nothing.
Elizabeth, I respect your way of thinking. My nana used to say that “all or nothing” kind of people had integrity and I think this description would fit you nicely! :)
Hmmmmm, I never thought of men and women oogling the opposite sex. I will run my own experiment with my SO next time I’m in public place with him. I will keep you posted.
Ariana, it would be great if you returned with an update of your discoveries! It’s always wonderful to see what other couple dynamics are like! Enlighten us! :)
I think women have been checking out behinds for ages. Still, it’s insulting when you catch your other oggling someone else. It hurts. Why? I don’t know. We have fragile egos, all of us. We need to be reassured that we’re the one and only. It’s naive of us to think our checking out of others doesn’t disturb our men. I’m sure it does. They’re just less vocal than us. With that said, if they get to oggle and make us feel inferior, then we get to do it too. After all, it’s really about fairness, now isn’t it?
Laura, absolutely! It’s all about fairness! And I do agree that men are just as bothered as us women, only, like you mention, they’re way less vocal. If you can believe this, the Significant Other becomes bothered whenever I mention my passion for Javier Bardem. Silly, right? :)
Naw! It wouldn’t bother me if my significant other checked others out. I’m definitely a visual person. :-D Oh! And I hate restaurants and other places that have the tables so close together, trying to fit as many people as they can in their place. It’s uncomfortable and I don’t care how good the food is. I will not patronize them again.
Paz, you’re an enlightened being. I don’t know many women who are okay if their significant others look at other women. We have much to learn from you! :) I agree with you–tables squeezed together are a deal breaker. But the food was so good! :)
No it doesn’t. I have a list of ‘boyfriends’, starting with Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler, Rhett Butler, whom I refer to all the time. I can’t help myself. I know these secret loves of mine will come to me as soon as I am famous and I have made it very clear to my SO once they do that I am not responsible for my behavior. I’ve given him 20 years, now it’s time to be free and try other fruit. Don’t you agree?
I loved the dinner conversation.
Brenda, I wholeheartedly agree! That Johnny Depp! Is it me, or does that man get hotter with age? Now there’s a man I’d like to objectify! :)
Hahaha! That conversation is so funny! Must have been awesome to witness. You know, I’d imagine myself as an eye-witness sitting at another table, just enjoying my meal and then accidentally overhearing this conversation. Would be brilliant.
But I have to admit I like looking at Johnny Depp and any other male of that calibre. I think the difference is that women just look at other men, simply because we appreciate beautiful things (and hence beautiful human beings) whereas men often tend to compare their partner with other women. At least that’s what I think. I mean if I’m in a happy relationship I don’t need to compare my man to anyone else. He’s perfect the way he is.
Does that make any sense at all?
Sabrina, that makes perfect sense. But then I’m a woman and think just like you. Something tells me men wouldn’t understand our way of thinking. But you’re right–we ladies do look at handsome men in admiration. I would imagine many men do compare their spouses to other women. Shame on them! :)
Bella!
What a hilarious and relatable post. You have to stop easedropping on my conversations lol. I swear my man and I have had this discussion MANY times. I had to duck down my feminine ire at the thought of him ogling someone else since I KNOW I do it myself, respectfully of course lol.
It is rather amazing to me though that women spend a considerable amount of energy decrying that they ogle, especially when in love. Poppycock. We’re all sexual animals and if you don’t believe that just go to a Bachelorette (as you implied) to see the “beast” come out of ALL women. *giggle* I decided I did not mind, so as not to be hypocritical, as long as I don’t catch him at it. Subtlety and respect go a long way in my book.
Peace,
C.
Coco, absolutely! I say God gave us eyes to look and that works for both genders. However, like you mention, there’s a respectful way of doing so. Like many of the ladies have already said, we ladies exhibit an appreciative and admiring glance. And yes, there are times when we see a guy and say “muy caliente” but I think we’re more discreet about it. (This does not include the times we participate in Ladies Night!) Which makes me think we should have a ladies night! Imagine what a crazy evening that would be! :)